Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What’s your relationship like with your sister-in-law?

196 replies

Takemetoasunnyplace · 15/02/2021 09:20

I have two SIL. My brother’s wife, and DH’s sister.

Brother’s wife is lovely, although they live far away so don’t see them much, but she’s a wonderful person & I am proud to have her in my family.

DH’s sister lives close by. I’ve tried to be friendly but it’s not reciprocated and I really don’t get the impression she likes me. We’ve both recently had our first children & I think it would be nice if the cousins could have the opportunity to be friends, which is probably why it bothers me so much.

Also I’ve come to live in the area where DH grew up and am many miles away from my own family and friends so it would be great to have a friendly relationship with SIL. But I guess that’s not the case & accept she’s entitled to dislike me / not want to become friends for whatever reason.

What relationship do you have with your SIL? If not great, have your kids still managed to be close cousins?

OP posts:
bombastical · 15/02/2021 09:55

Live very close and have no relationship. She’s just not interested! I barely think about her anymore to be honest

omg35 · 15/02/2021 09:56

Mine actively dislikes and ignores me. I can't much be bothered to care anymore. Fed up of letting it upset me

bootlebum · 15/02/2021 09:57

Warm but distant. I'm happy with that tbh, too much drama in DH family

7yo7yo · 15/02/2021 09:58

Mine was always great with my DH sisters but lately I’m finding if I don’t initiate contact they don’t bother so I’ve took a step back.
Same with my brothers wives so I’ve done the same there.

gutful · 15/02/2021 09:58

Polite & respectful but very different people in personality & politically. We chat but not hug & kiss or anything like that.

KatherineOfGaunt · 15/02/2021 09:59

Mine are both lovely. However, due to them being nearly a decade older than me and having had children at a younger age, their children are older than mine. I don't see either of them loads and we're at completely different places in our lives. So while I'd love to know them better, I just haven't had the chance, really.

annonymousse · 15/02/2021 10:09

I always thought we were quite close but when my husband left me she dropped me like a hot potato and welcomed his new partner (OW) to the family with open arms. She was married to my ex husbands brother so no "blood is thicker than water" situation. It was very hurtful at the time.

78percentLindt · 15/02/2021 10:10

One is a complete bitch. I am nc, DH had serious surgery a couple of years back, I would not have told her if he had died as it would been 1. my fault and 2. all about her needs. When their cousin died she told him an hour before the funeral and we live 5 hours away. DH sends Christmas and birthday cards.
The other is lovely but we don't see them a lot due to distance.

roarfeckingroarr · 15/02/2021 10:13

DH's sister is lovely but hard work. She's emotionally full on and can be flakey. She's keen we have a closer relationship and meet up the two of us (plus my baby) but I'm not keen; I have enough friends and a friendly but distanced relationship is enough for me.

Alienchannell21 · 15/02/2021 10:16

My sil (dh sister) was my friend before I met my now dh. She introduced us. I moved to another country to be with my dh and my sil would talk about how much we would do etc. We both had babies within a month of each other. Admittedly sil lived about 1 hour away from us but we never saw her. She also never drove. It was up to me to do all the arranging and driving. After 10 years I gave up and we moved to my home country where we actually have family who are interested in our lives.

sallievp · 15/02/2021 10:16

I absolutely love my SIL. We are more like sisters. Don't have to be on best behaviour with each other. She lives abroad and I miss her very much.

MaverickDanger · 15/02/2021 10:17

I have two, my DH’s sister & DH’s brother’s wife.

Both live other side of the world but get on well. Slightly closer to BIL wife as a similar age & also has young kids so has been so helpful with tips & advice.

I probably speak more to DH’s sister than he does. Mainly memes & pics of DS.

JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority · 15/02/2021 10:24

My brother's wife is lovely. Really get on with her.

My husband's sister, we have no relationship. If we see her once a year, it is a miracle. She is very , very good about gifts for the children's birthdays and Christmas but has never ever made any effort to have a relationship with them. She has no children of her own.

Longsight2019 · 15/02/2021 10:25

My Brother In Law lives within 20 mins of us. Probably see/speak twice a year. He showed me his lack of substance over a very trivial matter which he lost all perspective on a few years ago and lost my respect that he’d taken for granted for years.

I have two sister in laws. One is a complete NPD who literally cannot sit at a dinner table and eat a meal such is her social awkwardness.

The other is friendly on the face of things but is always gossiping to her Mother about anyone / anything she doesn’t like or agree with.

All three have a sense of entitlement beyond reason with regards to our children. The reality is that they barely know their Aunts and Uncle because of the tiny amount of time they spend together.

Be careful what you wish for with in-laws. Focus on finding a genuine friend.

Ellabellaboo2020 · 15/02/2021 10:26

I have 3 SIL, my 2 brothers wives and my dp’s sister. Used to be close to my brothers wives but have realised this year that if I can’t do anything to benefit them then they are not interested so have basically gone NC with them ( including my brothers ) my dp’s sister.... I love her!! Speak every day she’s great with our dc and I love hers too. We are closer in age mind you and are into a lot of the same stuff but she’s just a great person I would have been lost without her during this pandemic with her just checking in everyday to see how me and my dc are ( became a ftm during lockdown 1 last year ) she’s been a god send to me!

AllMyPrettyOnes · 15/02/2021 10:27

I have one - DP's sister.

Our relationship is pretty nonexistent. Whilst DP and I haven't been together all that long (a few years) I had hoped we'd be close by now. We're not. I don't even have her number, so we literally only communicate in person, and it's stilted even then. We're just very very different.

BlueTimes · 15/02/2021 10:29

DH’s sister is lovely but I find my DB’s wife harder work. DB and SIL live abroad and I don’t see her very often (it’s probably been close to four years since I last saw her). DH’s sister and I chat every day.

Woodlandbelle · 15/02/2021 10:31

Very polite but I don't feel relaxed around them due to the way they are bitchy about others. So I just keep to myself.

Sillyreally1 · 15/02/2021 10:31

Mine is lovely Smile

Gumbo · 15/02/2021 10:33

1st SIL and her wife - both horrendous bullies who consider themselves to be significantly better then me. I put up with it and the endless snide remarks silently for 20 years before snapping - I refuse to see them now. Despite their DC being similar age to mine, they've actively encouraged their DC to have little to do with mine, so no loss that I don't see them now (DC happy about it too).

2nd SIL - hideously abusive towards her DH, has completely isolated him from all of his family so never see her and have no contact at all.

Actually sad about both since I never had a sister and was genuinely excited about having SILs... hey ho!

MsSquiz · 15/02/2021 10:33

I have 2 SIL - DH's Sister (SIL1) & DH's Brother's wife (SIL2)

SIL1 and I couldn't be more different. She's 5 years older than me and likes to think she knows everything/knows better than me. She has very little empathy or sympathy for anyone else but herself. She is a narcissist and the only disagreements DH & I have had in our 7 years together have been about her. I would gladly go NC with her

SIL2 has become my best friend. We are very similar in a lot of ways, and quite often go out as a foursome (with DH and BIL) We parent in a similar way and have the same sense of humour and she was the maid of honour at our wedding

TulipsTwoLips · 15/02/2021 10:35

I wouldn't say we had any relationship really. We're just very different personalities with very different outlooks on life, having had very different experiences, and at a very different time in our lives.

No drama, but as a previous poster said, I can't say I ever think about her.

Mercedes519 · 15/02/2021 10:35

DH has two sisters. I am NC with one and DH is NC with the other. Long backstory...

If we met I would be polite but that’s it. You can be friends with family but it can get complicated.

MsMarch · 15/02/2021 10:36

I feel like I have a lot of them! :) Okay, just 3, but it feels like a lot! None of them are people I would have chosen as a friend myself, but overall it could be a lot worse. DH's sister and I get on quite well and she's been very supportive at times to me and that goes for me to her too. I do find her very frustrating at times but try to be understanding as she has a very unhappy, possibly emotionally abusive, relationship.

My one brother's wife is lovely. Again, we have nothing in common so would not have become friends if we weren't related, but we get on well when we see each other and can happily chat away or spend a couple of hours entertaining kids/cooking a meal or whatever. My other SIL is a more surface relationship. we have absolutely nothing in common at all and she is much younger so there's just not much there.

The thing about any in laws is that it really depends on whether all parties are willing to make an effort. And it's odd how often one or more aren't.

BottegaBish · 15/02/2021 10:36

DB and gf both live close and we work together but we don't really get on. Polite when we see each other but that's it.

My DHs sister we don't speak to. She's very much a victim and jealous of us. Annoyingly she still manages to cause drama!