What’s your relationship like with your sister-in-law?

[Takemetoasunnyplace]

I have two SIL. My brother’s wife, and DH’s sister.

Brother’s wife is lovely, although they live far away so don’t see them much, but she’s a wonderful person & I am proud to have her in my family.

DH’s sister lives close by. I’ve tried to be friendly but it’s not reciprocated and I really don’t get the impression she likes me. We’ve both recently had our first children & I think it would be nice if the cousins could have the opportunity to be friends, which is probably why it bothers me so much.

Also I’ve come to live in the area where DH grew up and am many miles away from my own family and friends so it would be great to have a friendly relationship with SIL. But I guess that’s not the case & accept she’s entitled to dislike me / not want to become friends for whatever reason.

What relationship do you have with your SIL? If not great, have your kids still managed to be close cousins?

[AmIBeingTwatty]

Similar to you; closer to one than the other.
Both DH brothers partners. One I am incredibly close to and would refer to as a friend as opposed to my SIL. We run together and speak frequently.
The other, we get along but it’ll never be a friendship. We too have children within 4 months of each other but they aren’t close. We’re very different people but we get along and I do still make an effort.

[BottegaBish]

Oh my other DB has a gf too now, she's lovely and we get in well, they haven't been together long and with Covid haven't really seen her much.

[Sn0tnose]

Brother’s wife is lovely. I’ve known her since she was eighteen and she’s mid thirties now. I’m closer to her than my actual sisters and would definitely stay in contact if she and my brother split. Pre last year we would regularly see each other both by ourselves and with DH & DB. Very much an older/younger sister relationship.

DH only has brothers. One is in a new relationship and we’ve never met her or spoken; they’re abroad. The other is mid divorce. I think I’ve had maybe two conversations with her in the last ten years (and one of those were messages about presents for their children). She’s very quiet, much younger, we are very different people and, although she seemed perfectly pleasant, I just gave up trying to get anything out of her. We never exchanged numbers or anything so I can’t imagine there’ll be any contact in the future, although DH is still friends with her on FB.

[Horehound]

Mine is my husband's sister and they have a 7yr age gap. She is 8 years younger than me and I'd say still quite a "young" 25. She doesn't talk to DH much except for birthdays/Xmas and that's literally all I see her or speak to her too. It is a shame I think but the gap just hasn't made them close and so we don't talk much either.

[LetMeBubble]

Was very close to one (DHs sister ) but regretted it so badly. Too much drama in DHs family and I ended up entangled because SIL insisted to drag me in.

Was semi close and quite liked my brothers wife but the moment they suddenly split secretly I never heard from her and she wouldn’t respond to my messages. I don’t think it was reciprocated as she never really shared her number with me and was uncomforrbkae if I texted her. But she was lovely.

My other brothers wife, I tried to be friendly but she made it clear she doesn’t want to be part of our family. They live far and whenever we call my brother she makes it clear that it needs to be with her permission.. I’m polite and friendly when I encounter her but I don’t go out of my way.

[InDubiousBattle]

I have two (Dp has two brothers, one married on with a long term partner)and they're lovely. One SIL is one of my best friends and whilst they live about an hour away we have them to stay regularly (non coving time obviously ), go one holiday together, message frequently etc. Our kids are the same age and get on well. We miss them a lot.
My other SIL is great too but we're not as close and I think that more or less suits them. We exchange gifts for christmas and birthdays and message very occasonally, but they don't invite us to stay with them and decline invites to see us so we only really see each other at dps parents house maybe 3 or 4 times a year. Really friendly and certainly no falling out, just not close.

[Seriously79]

My bothers wife is just the absolute best! She cooks for us, has the kids whenever, gets along with everyone. There are no airs and graces, what you see is what you get, she's more of a best friend than sis in law.

DP sis is the absolute opposite 🙄 precious, self centred, it's all about her, invites herself around when she doesn't want to cook, has (in my opinion) questionable parenting skills. I smile and keep the peace, but dread spending time with her.

I'm very well aware that she may say the same about me, but I don't need her validation to be happy.

[NemoRocksMyWorld]

I have 2 sils (dh sister and dh brother's wife) plus dh's cousin who is very close with the family and fills a similar role.

We are all really different but are really close. I love them all. I also have two sisters who I adore. Pretty lucky really!

[LubaLuca]

My husband's sister is great company, and we get on very well. I have no relationship with my own sister, so I've always counted myself very lucky to have such a lovely sister-in-law.

[Mylittlepony374]

My husbands brothers wife I love. She's brilliant with my kids, and great fun.

My husbands sisters (2) are horrible bitches that I avoid as much as possible. They were fine until I had kids now they're l about pointing out everything I do "wrong". (é.g. I'm too uptight because I didn't want them to give my 6 month old chocolate buttons, I should just leave my 3 week old to cry it out because she will fall asleefp eventually etc etc) So they can fuck off.

[ForeverBubblegum]

Friendly, but with no real connection. We make small talk, and facilitate relationships between our kids, but wouldn't see each other outside of family gatherings.

[Eastie77]

Technically she's no longer my SIL since she & my brother divorced but we've always got on very well and I still consider her as family. She babysits my DC who love spending time with their Aunty and cousin. I was a guest at her wedding when she remarried. My parents also still remain in contact with her and she always ensured my niece kept in contact with her grandparents. No arguments from my family when she walked out on my brother, he was an idiot.

[EvenMoreFuriousVexation]

I've never had a relationship with any partner's siblings. Have a cuppa and a chat during visits but it would never occur to me to develop a friendship with them independently.

Same with my BiL - sister's husband. Lovely bloke but I'd never say "hey let's go for a pint".

[Minty82]

I’ve just got one - DH’s sister. She’s eight years older than me but we got married the same year and had babies at the same time so we’re at the same stage in that way which makes a huge difference. She’s great, we’ve always got on really well. We live several hours away so don’t have a day-to-day relationship but stay with each other regularly and are in text/WhatsApp contact all the time. We’re very different but I’ve always felt really lucky that she comes as part of the package of being with DH!

[Crikeycroc]

I’m probably someone’s unfriendly SIL!

DH’s brothers partner - I find her a bit loud, people pleasing and lacking in her own personality. Also she obsessively tries to hold my baby, showed up at my house an hour after I got home from hospital and stayed for three hours and refers to herself as ‘auntie’. My baby has one auntie, my sister. SIL will never be a relation of my child, just like I will never be related to any children she has.
She is just not someone I would be friends with if I met her elsewhere. She and BIL are TTC and I dread her asking if we can get the cousins together! Hoping it drags on a bit longer for them (but not forever or she will never stop pawing my babies) so there’s enough of an age gap that the kids don’t have heaps in common until they’re older so I don’t have to be subjected to endless visits.
I know I sound like a total bitch but I am polite and pleasant in person. I just refuse to pretend that we are good friends and subject myself to boring small talk outside of major family events.

[HandbagRummage]

Interesting thread.

I have 3 SIL's. 2 from my DB's and my DH's sister. All my SIL's are in their 40's and 50's. I have never had a bad word ever from any of my DB's wives and I get on with them well. As far as I am concerned my brothers love them and they must be good people. They are my family and I love them and they are the mother of my lovely nieces and nephews.

My DH's sister on the other hand is an absolute nightmare. Since I walked through the door as a young woman she has acted like a spoilt brat and is still doing so nearly 30 years later. For many years she used to act really bizarrely. When we went round she used to wait upstairs to see what I was wearing and then get changed. We once went to a big function and her mum and dad saw me and said "Oh, FGS" because I scrubbed up nice and SIL had spent a fortune on a dress and makeover for it and would flip. Honestly, I am not making this up.

I've not been allowed to have a relationship with my MIL because of SIL. MIL used to do a few things with me like go for a coffee but stopped a long time ago because of SIL. I call her the Princess and the Pea because she really does believe she is a "real" Princess. When my DC were small MIL and SIL used to push me out and try to take my DC out on their own to play happy families. They actually used to go to great lengths to push me out. I told my DH that if I acted like that in my family I would get my arse handed to me by my parents, SILs and my DBs.

I put up with this for many years and feel a mug. Now I have very little to do with my MIL and SIL. They actually treated me like a piece of poo in the street and I can't forgive or forget it. I don't know why she acts like this. She doesn't have any learning needs, she is just a spoilt brat.

[LetMeBubble]

HandbagRummage

Are you me ?

[JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority]

Crikeycroc, you're right right, you do sound like a bitch. A thoroughly unpleasant person.

[LetMeBubble]

Crikeycroc

I do understand that you don’t want to be pressured into relationships that you don’t want but I really think you have control over that and you don’t sound “neutral” towards her you actually sound like you are on the edge of hostility and quite resentful..

She doesn’t seem to have crossed any boundaries here and is behaving like what is the norm for people in the same family. If you don’t want to be part of a family then get on the same page with DH and make that clear and not just target this poor lady.

Just say “I’m not comfortable and feel overwhelmed by an overly involved family dynamic so would prefer if you maintain relationships through yourself and I can stay formal with everyone”.

I think that’s fine.. at least it’s honest !

[MerlinsSaggyLeftTit]

I like her a lot, she is a lovely person. We live close but don't see much of each other - I get on with my DB but we're not close. I'm not sure that our DC will be that close, but that is more because of age differences. I'd happily help her out anytime, and I know she would do the same for me.

[NoddingTulip]

DSIL died 14 years ago, but we had a great relationship and spent quite a lot of time together. She welcomed me into the family with open arms and really helped me settle here in the UK(I'm from NZ). I grew up with 7 brothers and 5 boy cousins and never really got on with or knew how to relate to other females until I met DSIL.
Sadly she became ill shortly after the birth of her ds and having already lost her dh in an accident 3 months before, moved in with dh and I and our 2 dc, so we could help her care for her ds and as she became more ill we cared for her too. When it became apparent she wasn't going to survive, she asked dh and I to adopt her ds. DS2 is now almost 16 and I just know that if DSIL could see him she'd be so proud of him, he has no memory of her as was only 18mths when she died, but he has been told all about how wonderful she was.
I really miss DSIL and would love just one last chance to sit and have a cuppa together and laugh ourselves silly like we used to.

[Love51]

@Crikeycroc

I’m probably someone’s unfriendly SIL!

DH’s brothers partner - I find her a bit loud, people pleasing and lacking in her own personality. Also she obsessively tries to hold my baby, showed up at my house an hour after I got home from hospital and stayed for three hours and refers to herself as ‘auntie’. My baby has one auntie, my sister. SIL will never be a relation of my child, just like I will never be related to any children she has.
She is just not someone I would be friends with if I met her elsewhere. She and BIL are TTC and I dread her asking if we can get the cousins together! Hoping it drags on a bit longer for them (but not forever or she will never stop pawing my babies) so there’s enough of an age gap that the kids don’t have heaps in common until they’re older so I don’t have to be subjected to endless visits.
I know I sound like a total bitch but I am polite and pleasant in person. I just refuse to pretend that we are good friends and subject myself to boring small talk outside of major family events.

If she marries your dh's brother she will be your children's Auntie.

[Hairwizard]

Have 2. One lives in England and lovely. The other is dp sis. I keep her at arms length. Shes interfering and opinionated and waay over involved with everyone elses lives. Esp with my dc. Cant fucking stand it. Finding it harder and harder to hold my tongue so i just avoid as much as i can as dp will always have her back. She was def a major factor in my mental health dropping after twins born. Its always excused thats shes 'well meaning' etc. More like infantalizing.

[Noshowlomo]

Brothers wife is lovely, we don't see each other much due to covid, but she was the first person I messaged when I admitted to myself I had PND and she was great. I am so glad as I hate family dramas!

[AllMyPrettyOnes]

refers to herself as ‘auntie’. My baby has one auntie, my sister. SIL will never be a relation of my child, just like I will never be related to any children she has.

I think this is quite nasty.