What’s your relationship like with your sister-in-law?

[Takemetoasunnyplace]

I have two SIL. My brother’s wife, and DH’s sister.

Brother’s wife is lovely, although they live far away so don’t see them much, but she’s a wonderful person & I am proud to have her in my family.

DH’s sister lives close by. I’ve tried to be friendly but it’s not reciprocated and I really don’t get the impression she likes me. We’ve both recently had our first children & I think it would be nice if the cousins could have the opportunity to be friends, which is probably why it bothers me so much.

Also I’ve come to live in the area where DH grew up and am many miles away from my own family and friends so it would be great to have a friendly relationship with SIL. But I guess that’s not the case & accept she’s entitled to dislike me / not want to become friends for whatever reason.

What relationship do you have with your SIL? If not great, have your kids still managed to be close cousins?

[sandgrown]

DP has three sisters who I got on with . I saw one more than the rest . We were the same age and got on well . I confided in her when DP was ill with depression. I supported her when her husband died. When it all deteriorated with DP she turned into an absolute bitch. She told him to take me for every penny , slagged me off to my son . Every day they would have loud discussions about me on FaceTime. It was emotional abuse that went on for months . I ignored it until the week I left when I told her a few home truths !

[Nailingthis]

OP what are you doing to help your relationship?

I constantly get reports that my SIL (husband's brother's wife)doesn't think I like her , but she makes no effort herself and everything I try my end seems to be wrong. It is exhausting and far more effort than a relationship should be.

[Takemetoasunnyplace]

@Nailingthis

OP what are you doing to help your relationship

• Invited her to my hen do, she didn’t come and didn’t invite me to hers 6 months later
  

• invited her for coffee - she agreed but then “postponed” it and never bothered to rearrange
  

• sent her the odd photo of DC, she rarely replied or acknowledged it (I sent no more than one every couple of months so I was hardly bombarding her with kiddie-spam, I’ve stopped completely now though)
  

• offered to lend her baby stuff I was no longer using when she was pregnant with her DS
  

• generally tried to be friendly with the odd text / WhatsApp (infrequently, absolutely not sending her numerous messages or anything). For example when she was pregnant just texting on the odd occasion to say hope everything ok.
  

She’s totally free not to like me / want to form a friendship. Feel like I’ve tried & didn’t get the right vibes so I’ve backed off completely now.

[Nailingthis]

Okay I was slightly paranoid you were my SIL from the OP.

If you have made all those attempts and she responds that way, then I would be sad but acknowledge she isn't that nice a person and that she won't add the positivity and happiness to my life that I want.

I'd love my children to be close with their cousins but their mums won't see us as claim I don't like them. This genuinely isn't true - but I now think this is an excuse not to see us rather than the real reason.

Maybe your SIL will come around in time

[SlummingAngel]

I really don't get on with DH's brother's wife, which is a shame as DHs brother is lovely.
I'm polite enough when circumstances throw us together.
We're on a par intellectually but she looks down on the career I chose, thinking it makes me a Very Stupid Person. 🙄
She's also controlling and snobbish which I can't abide.

On the other hand I adore my sister's DH as he's the total opposite and we share many interests.
He's a really smart guy (though struggles to express some ideas due to lack of education (due to lack of opportunities when he was young) but we have some pretty decent conversations on topics that his peers just aren't interested in.

[randommum82]

Not good. For a start, she's nearly 20 years older than me, so we have nothing in common. SHe's also one of the most negative people I've ever met. 'How are you' is never met with 'I'm fine' or even 'Ok', it's always a laundry list of all the things going wrong in her life, which are 100% everyone else's fault but her own.

I could excuse all of this, since I have a few characters like that on my own side of the family. But what I can't excuse is that when my older DS received a very serious diagnosis which will be fatal in early adulthood, she basically checked out of our lives. She lives in the same apartment block as us, so she's hard to avoid. My kids kept asking to see her, and I kept making excuses about how she was busy, she was tired etc etc because she NEVER once took them off me, took them to the park or spent any time with them. Despite having only DH as a sibling, so my kids are her only nephews. She and her own children, who are all adults, have shown no interest in my children whatsoever. DH thinks I should ask, I don't see why I should ask their only aunt close by (the ones from my side all live in the UK) to spend time with my kids. That should be a given, SHE should asking, not me.

This year with lockdown was really awful when it came to christmas and new year. We had no choice but to spend xmas and new year's together (rules in this country allowed it) and I was gritting my teeth throughout. It's a special time of the year, I've not seen my own family in over a year and I had to play happy families with someone who hasn't given two shits about my kids for years now. She's lately blown hot and cold with the kids again, she took them to her own apartment which was the first time in about 5 or 6 years, and it turned out that was the only time. Since then they ask to go over to her place and she keeps saying not today, not now, etc etc. They think she's great because she has a bunch of pets and we have none.

It breaks my heart and I am full of rage at her, because I do not want people in my children's lives who choose when they get to pop in and out of their lives. You're either in or you're out. Things have got a lot tougher lately with my son's condition, you don't get to lift his hopes and dump them again. He's had plenty of that in his life already with his disability.

I would go NC but like I said sadly she's in the same building, and DH is very close to her. So nothing to do put tolerate.

[LetMeBubble]

randommum82 how aweful for your DC.

I wonder how your DH is so close to her when she pays no interest in his kids. Strange..

Is there any specific tension between you and her ?! Does she knows you dislike her ?

[Justcashnosweets]

My partner's older sister is amazing, I genuinely love her, and we are very close.His younger sister however is a different story, we are no contact as she is an abusive alcoholic.

[Greencabin]

I get on really well with my sil. We don't see each loads or even text but when we do meet up - it's always fun. She's easy going and there's no hidden agenda.

[altlife]

Non-existent and it works for me!

[Indoctro]

Husbands sister is a shite stirring madam and I take nothing to do with her anymore because her and her parents my PIL)are toxic.

[Ikeatears]

I have 9 sils! Dh has 3 sisters and I love them all like my own sisters, one in particular has been been like a best friend. We've had many, many weekends/holidays/nights out/nights in together as our dc have been growing up. Don't see her as much (aside from Covid) now as dc are all nearly grown and we're in a slightly different phase of life but when we're together, it's like we've never been apart and we enjoy each other's company. The other two are quite a bit younger but they're kind and good fun.
My two from my brothers are both odd (in different ways) but then so are my brothers so 🤷🏼‍♀️ Polite but barely know them really, even after 20 years.
The others are from dh's brothers and some I like more than others. I'm polite and friendly with all of them but there's quite an age gap with a couple of them. They're closer in age to our older dc so we kind of feel like auntie and uncle rather than brother and sister in law. No drama though.

[Crikeycroc]

I probably am being very unkind about my SIL. I am still struggling to come to terms with her intrusion into my home when I had just come home from hospital with newborn DD. I should have addressed it at the time and asked her to leave. As far as I am concerned she selfishly let her love of little babies override all consideration for me as a human being who had just birthed another human.

[Milomonster]

Absolutely adore my ex’s sisters and still very close after divorce. Can’t imagine not being in touch with them. We all clicked like we’d known each other all our lives. DB, wife is another story - wouldn’t trust her if she was the last person on the planet. Have no involvement with her and am shoot that way.

[IrmaFayLear]

I joined dh’s family at same time as bil’s dw. Great, I thought, a fellow outlaw and ally.

For over 20 years straight from the off she has been frosty. Not mean or unpleasant, just ice cold. She has her own very close family and lots of friends, but she and bil do the (by some on) MN approved thing of dividing their families so bil will see dh, but sil has nothing to do with us, and nor do their dcs which has been a shame.

The last time I had to go to sil’s house (15 mins drive) to get some paperwork about the pils signed, I stood waiting in their (second) kitchen for 40 mins, no invitation to sit down, let alone offer of a coffee.

I genuinely don’t understand it and it makes dh sad. He was quite upset to see a FB photo of dn’s 18th birthday party (2019) with a large gathering of her family and friends.

[StCharlotte]

I have four SILs and I get on fine with all of them although none of us are close friends because of geography really. I can't be arsed with falling out with people.

My brothers' wives have been in my life for decades, one is a bit spikey but we just take the piss out of her and she gives as good as she gets. I'll never forget how brilliant she was when my mum was ill so I can forgive her anything.

As for DH's brothers' wives, one is local and is absolutely lovely. We're not bosom buddies but we do all socialise (normally) quite a bit. Although we don't do much just the two of us. The other one, fortunately not local, is a nightmare (huge backstory most of which happened before my time) but she's actually really good company so on the very rare occasions we meet up we get on fine.

I wonder what they'd say about me?

[Noidea2114]

My DBs wife is friendly and kind. Unfortunately we don't live close so most contact is by phone.

DHs brother's wife is fortunately dead she was the most nastiest person I have ever met. She has ailinated Bil from his family, friends and even their own children.
Now she has gone it's taking a long time to recover the relationship with the children never mind anyone else.

[Branleuse]

Im not particularly close to either of them, but theyre nice people and i feel warm towards them, but I dont hang out or chat really as we dont live close

[SVRT19674]

I have two, my brother´s wife and my husband´s sister.
My brother´s wife is nice enough but she likes everything just so and is difficult to please. I´m much more easygoing.
My DH´s sister is also nice but they are slightly more drama prone in her family and I find she can be a little disparaging of my husband. I don´t do drama. But after what I have read, I think i am super lucky in both.

[wifelifex]

Only have one SIL through my DP, we don’t talk unless when we all have a family gathering and we have to be polite but try to stay away at those times. They’re so different as siblings nothing alike at all (thankfully), they have different values (she had a year long affair behind her now ex husbands back, was going on holiday with this man, introducing him to her parents and kids as a friend and got pregnant by him). We/they can go months without talking and the last time we saw her and her kids was about a year and a half ago and most likely won’t see each other until Christmas time

[Youllbeoldertoo]

My brothers wife, very very close to. Bridesmaids at my wedding, was at my seconds birth, godmother to my child, holiday together without kids/husbands. We are absolute best friends.

My husbands brothers wife, see them maybe 3 times a year, polite but superficial relationship. We just are different people.

[bwfcchick88]

Polite yet distant with them both. We're all very different. I can't see us ever being close.

[MouthAche]

Partners SIL is a very evil Bitch !

The stories i could write..
People would actually think i was a troll.
Its like Eastenders...

[Catlover78]

I cannot stand my husband’s sister and I genuinely wish I liked her. I’ve tried therapy, hypnotherapy, even took diazepam lent by a friend to cope with her company. She has been critical of my kids and I resent this. She’s also super confident, sings her own praises and never draws breath. Her mood changes like the weather and this unsettles me. She humiliate
S people publicly, but in a subtle way, so she can claim it’s a ‘joke’. I try to see as little of her as possible and would be quite happy if I never had to see her again. It literally gives me anxiety even receiving a text from her. I do t think her own husband likes her, which says it all really.

[RickJames]

My DH's sister is lovely. We aren't close because we live in different countries and she's not a chatter on the phone or WhatsApp.

But I know she's nice and when we get together we have loads to talk about. She has a similar sense of humour and we laugh a lot. We share quite a few interests.

I'm pretty blessed with her I think.