Phrases that make you swipe left

[JimmyJabs]

I'm a glutton for punishment, so I've recently gone back on OLD, and I'm finding it something of a trial so far. All the things that used to annoy me about people's profiles are still exactly the same as when I was last doing this! These are my instant nope phrases:

My kids are my life (so where would a potential girlfriend fit in? Also, that's just basic parenting...)

I don't take myself/life too seriously (almost guaranteed to be immature and flaky, and leave all the boring life admin to some other sucker)

Not looking for a penpal (will exchange a maximum of 5 messages with you before suggesting that you meet up for 'fun 😉')

Is anyone genuine on here? (Dude, maybe don't advertise the fact that nobody ever replies to you)

I'm 6ft, because apparently that matters (while being short is not unattractive to me, passive aggression certainly is)

What are your instantly offputting phrases? I'd be intrigued to know what men have to say about this too, in case I'm being inadvertently annoying myself...

"Kids are my world" (they are supposed to be!)
"Like going out and staying in"
"Any kind of negative rant about women or Tinder"
"Don't take myself seriously" - yes!! what does that even mean? I read that to mean they are irresponsible and don't take responsibility for their actions
Anything including the word "bantz"
Listing tatoos as a hobby
"Want to know anything just ask" - why should I?!!

Oh yes and the ones that say they work alo the time and don't have time for anything. The entitlement that you will just slot into your life with no actual consideration for the other person's needs.

‘Cosy nights in with a glass of wine and a dvd’
‘Housetrained’
Anything about dogs or motocross

Oh I have loads of these! Referring to potential girlfriend as "princess" or "queen"

Messages that just say 'Hi'.

Calling me stunning, hun or babes.

Tattoos.

Short.

Desperation.

God yes, I was going to say a bottle of red wine and dvd.....

Listing Nando's as an interest. Also listing favourite bands and tv shows and nothing at all about personality or values. Just makes me think they are adolescent

Takeaway and a box set or Netflix and a bottle of wine.
I can do that on my own thanks.

No drama.

Yes, your exes were all psychos as diagnosed by you but you aren't a qualified psychiatrist.

No drama

Looking for a girl

@MerryChristmasToYou

No drama.

Yes, your exes were all psychos as diagnosed by you but you aren't a qualified psychiatrist.

Yes!!! Immediately makes me think they have no emotional intelligence and/or are abausive

Anything banter related

Partner in crime

Cosy nights in on the sofa

“Looking for a partner in crime”

“My kids are my world”

“No fakes”

“If you ask my height I’ll ask your weight”

“If you don’t look like your profile pic you need to pay for the drinks until you do”

Yes to all of these. Especially all the passive aggression, I just don't get how that is ever a good move...

I like to swipe through my sisters tinder and I see “here for a good time not a long time.”

What does that mean?! As in they don’t want to be with you a long time or they don’t want to be on tinder for a long time. I’m so glad I’ve never had to do OLD I’d be single forever

"No bunny boilers." Mate, you might as well just say straight out "I am a raving misogynist."

No drama. Anything bad about exes in general. I used to swipe right on any profiles that make me laugh.

anyone who uses the word "sapiosexual"

"Self confessed geek" - self-absorbed asshole, narrow minded and an excuse for lacking integrity and basic manners.

"May not act my age" - over indulged mummy's boy with very little emotional intelligence.

"Love my kids" - Disney dad. Would hope you love your kids without having to state in on bio.

"Ready to settle down" - I want to see how long I can string you along so I can get my kicks. What I'm really looking for is someone to keep my bed warm, cook my dinner, listen to my incessant woe is me bollocks.

Shall I log in to my OLD account and play bingo?

This thread is amazing

"I'm very sensual " - handsy creep

A nice bottle of wine on the sofa - How I read this is: I'm lazy and my favourite colour is beige. I sit at home every night, watching TV and drinking wine. I have no sense of adventure and if you pick me, we'll never go on a date.

I like someone who challenges me - I'm a twat who sees women as mother figures who need to keep me in line as I have no impulse control. I'm a bully and need someone to shout back otherwise I'll treat you like a doormat.

No drama - I'm looking for someone with really fucking low self esteem.

My children are my world - Cool story bro, where do I fit into that?

Love kissing