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Original poster

Phrases that make you swipe left

423 replies

JimmyJabs · 07/02/2021 17:26

I'm a glutton for punishment, so I've recently gone back on OLD, and I'm finding it something of a trial so far. All the things that used to annoy me about people's profiles are still exactly the same as when I was last doing this! These are my instant nope phrases:

My kids are my life (so where would a potential girlfriend fit in? Also, that's just basic parenting...)

I don't take myself/life too seriously (almost guaranteed to be immature and flaky, and leave all the boring life admin to some other sucker)

Not looking for a penpal (will exchange a maximum of 5 messages with you before suggesting that you meet up for 'fun 😉')

Is anyone genuine on here? (Dude, maybe don't advertise the fact that nobody ever replies to you)

I'm 6ft, because apparently that matters (while being short is not unattractive to me, passive aggression certainly is)

What are your instantly offputting phrases? I'd be intrigued to know what men have to say about this too, in case I'm being inadvertently annoying myself...

OP posts:
MerryChristmasToYou · 07/02/2021 19:44

@poppyzbrite4

Not looking for a pen pal - I'm sat here with my cock in my hand.

ALL WOMEN ARE FUCKING NUTS, PROVE ME WRONG! MY EX WAS A FUCKING PSYCHO. NO TIME WASTERS! I'M A GENUINE GUY AND LOOKING FOR MY PRINCESS - I'm barking.

Sounds like my kind of guy. Where can I find him?
Original poster
JimmyJabs · 07/02/2021 19:47

I haven't really seen any women's profiles, but I'm going to take an educated guess that some common annoyances are:

Jokes about how much gin/prosecco they drink
Use of the word "bubbly" to mean "loud and annoying"
Links to their Insta and Kik name (men do this too and it gets right on my tits)
Love Life Laugh type quotes
Calling themselves a mumma/momma

But happy to hear other examples!

OP posts:
skybright59 · 07/02/2021 19:47

On my profile I'm pretty ninja level sarcastic (but only because its warranted) so here we go

I'm 34 years old, with a degree and a set of brains..no I'm not after ibsta followers,no I dont have duck lips,I'm made from no plastics I am completely au natural..

Looking for engaging and enthusiastic people who have the capability to form a paragraph..if your going to struggle move along.

I think that's pretty neat Grin

Whatabambam · 07/02/2021 19:49

Own teeth. Own hair. Own house.

CodenameVillanelle · 07/02/2021 19:52

@skybright59

On my profile I'm pretty ninja level sarcastic (but only because its warranted) so here we go

I'm 34 years old, with a degree and a set of brains..no I'm not after ibsta followers,no I dont have duck lips,I'm made from no plastics I am completely au natural..

Looking for engaging and enthusiastic people who have the capability to form a paragraph..if your going to struggle move along.

I think that's pretty neat Grin

You're Grin Sorry but if you're making sarky comments about struggling to form a paragraph you shouldn't make basic grammar errors
Whatabambam · 07/02/2021 19:53

I don't get the 'take me off here quickly' profiles. Everyone knows OLD sucks but it's a gateway to 'I'll take anyone with a pulse'.

CodenameVillanelle · 07/02/2021 19:54

"I'll tell people we met at Tesco"

MissSmiley · 07/02/2021 20:00

@skybright59

On my profile I'm pretty ninja level sarcastic (but only because its warranted) so here we go

I'm 34 years old, with a degree and a set of brains..no I'm not after ibsta followers,no I dont have duck lips,I'm made from no plastics I am completely au natural..

Looking for engaging and enthusiastic people who have the capability to form a paragraph..if your going to struggle move along.

I think that's pretty neat Grin

If you have a degree you ought to to know it's "you're" not your 🙄
C152 · 07/02/2021 20:01

This thread is so depressing! Funny, but depressing. I've been planning to try OLD again (for the first time in about 20 years) and it sounds even less appealing than it was the first time around!

jambeforeclottedcream · 07/02/2021 20:01

Links to Snapchat & insta

Anything hinting that they own a house.

Anything where it's obvious I'm supposed to be impressed by their car or their job

MerryChristmasToYou · 07/02/2021 20:04

Mine says something like 'I'm a pedant. If you can't spell, don't bother' but I still get told 'Your stunning'.

nevernotagain · 07/02/2021 20:12

It's the serial "traveller" ones I can't stand. I just instantly label them as Peter Pans and swipe on by.

I kinda understand the own house / own car ones because I feel like they're probably trying to distance themselves from the "Thailand as soon as the world opens up" types.

Almost like it's code for "yeah I have a job and a house and responsibilities and I'm a grown up".

It shouldn't have to be said on a dating profile, but there are enough of the Peter Pan types that I kinda like the own house types.

newtb · 07/02/2021 20:15

I've not put my real photo on here because I'm married (bahoo)

MrsGogolsGumbo · 07/02/2021 20:18

I saw one the other day "perfect boyfriend material" - He messaged me a few times before I blocked him because he was a very angry and entitled man. Apart from that, the phrase itself is very Envy < not envy!

newtb · 07/02/2021 20:20

Miss having sex - nothing else on his bio. Maybe it's rural France who knows? Suppose at least he was honest.

isthismylifenow · 07/02/2021 20:22

I joined Tinder today, I was bored, home alone etc etc. I've spend the day having with eye rolls and quite a few giggles.

The one thst stood out the most was, 'if your hands and neck don't match your face, swipe left'

Every second one has university of life bollocks.

Openly saying they are married and want a bit of fun, with loads of photos of themself.

Posing from a car window

Photos wirh a mask on.

All of those who messaged first and said 'hello dear' have been immediately unmatched.

Such an assortment of naked top halves. Keep in mind I search from age 45+.

It's been an eye opener I have to say.

Original poster
JimmyJabs · 07/02/2021 20:25

@MerryChristmasToYou

Mine says something like 'I'm a pedant. If you can't spell, don't bother' but I still get told 'Your stunning'.
I'm always tempted to reply "my stunning what?" but I fear I might get an answer I didn't want.
OP posts:
StillSmallVoice · 07/02/2021 20:26

Haven't RTFT, but what I have makes me very glad I am not doing OLD. I met DH on Guardian Soulmates in the late naughtiest. It was still a bit Wild West, but a boring profile attracted a mild mannered scientist and my first internet date ended in a very happy marriage.

Occasionally DD lets me into some of the gems she encounters on Tinder.ConfusedHmm

StillSmallVoice · 07/02/2021 20:27

*noughties!

TartanLassie · 07/02/2021 20:33

Yeah the pictures with the masks on! What's that all about??

And pictures in Halloween costumes! FFS

Somethingkindaoooo · 07/02/2021 20:39

@nervalslobster

School of hard knocks/university of life = thick as pig shit, and with a chip on my shoulder about it too.
Yes, that's what I came on to say. Goes along with 'salt of the earth'
Miltonj · 07/02/2021 20:43

'Looking for someone to build an empire with'

What does that even mean?

happinessischocolate · 07/02/2021 20:52

Anything about not feeling their age and being young at heart.

So basically you're an old guy who thinks they deserve a younger woman because you still want to believe that you're 25

poppyzbrite4 · 07/02/2021 21:11

Looking for someone to build an Empire with - I'm a coke dealer

Looking for a partner in crime - Wear a coat with big pockets

WHY DON'T WOMEN LIKE NICE MEN!!! - I'm an incel.

roxisolerenshaw · 07/02/2021 21:22

I swipe left on any man who:
*posts photos of his children (no one should put children on a dating site Confused)

  • posts photos of themselves in the gym
  • posts photos of themselves in bed
  • posts photos of themselves in the bathroom mirror
  • says that they don't take life too seriously *Any passive aggressive comments ie "swipe left if..."