Phrases that make you swipe left

[JimmyJabs]

I'm a glutton for punishment, so I've recently gone back on OLD, and I'm finding it something of a trial so far. All the things that used to annoy me about people's profiles are still exactly the same as when I was last doing this! These are my instant nope phrases:

My kids are my life (so where would a potential girlfriend fit in? Also, that's just basic parenting...)

I don't take myself/life too seriously (almost guaranteed to be immature and flaky, and leave all the boring life admin to some other sucker)

Not looking for a penpal (will exchange a maximum of 5 messages with you before suggesting that you meet up for 'fun 😉')

Is anyone genuine on here? (Dude, maybe don't advertise the fact that nobody ever replies to you)

I'm 6ft, because apparently that matters (while being short is not unattractive to me, passive aggression certainly is)

What are your instantly offputting phrases? I'd be intrigued to know what men have to say about this too, in case I'm being inadvertently annoying myself...

What are “thirsty men” out of interest? Does he mean they’re drunks?

I think thirsty = horny 😊

I think that guy is probably an incel.

Any bloke over 50 with his top off (and probably bottoms if you scanned down) with saggy man tits as his OLD photo. I don't want to see it thanks.

@PaterPower

What are “thirsty men” out of interest? Does he mean they’re drunks?

Maybe he's desperate for the pubs to reopen.

I think just generally the harsh, odd sort of language the perennial men on OLD use. When you have to ask other people what they actually mean? And the way they write women they've never met off, because that their only experience of women.

Most of them want either casual sex or a goldmine and don't recognise that with each passing year, they're becoming more and more undesirable and missing out on the benefits that having a proper, honest relationship with another human being can bring.

Ooh, Josh, stop being so coy and tell us what you really think... I wonder if he's ever heard of the proverb that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar?

I deleted Tinder yet again and have signed up to Match (although I haven't paid yet because I haven't seen any men I want to message enough). It's both better and worse, frankly. Better in that most of the men have bothered to write something in their profile, and there's less of the passive aggressive language. Worse because there's a whole "what I'm looking for" section which basically rules me out 90% of the time because I'm not "slim", "very attractive" or in my 30s. Oh well! I have two books on the go and several unfinished craft projects so it's not as if I'm desperate for things to do.

@melononapear

Check out this prince of a man!

Form an orderly queue ladies..

Oh yes, Josh is a catch isn't he

I get you Jimmy, yes I am still on Tinder and this mornings flick through, not one at all which I even remotely considered swiping right on.

But I have few chats going, but I honestly couldn't be bothered. I don't even want a relationship, just thought it might be nice to chat to some new people.

So there is Paul the architect, is isn't really sure if he is married or separated because his wife is an alcoholic. So I say well surely you should know as its either one or the other. Replied asking how my day was.....

Bruce, he is the guy who lives down the road from me but claims to be an engineer in the Royal Navy in central London. (is there even a naval base in central London???) He is divorced as his wife shagged his best friend and now they live in New York, but the child who lives with him cannot visit the mother as the flight is too long...... She is a teenager so not a tiny tot

Dean, he is just out for a shag and tells me I should know this because he is a Taurus. . If you are a Taurus, could you confirm if this is a thing......

And then there is Mike. He is a lawyer and of all of them I hit it off with him the most. Wouldn't have minded carrying on chatting to him, because he was bloody funny, but now he's ghosted me.

Too much like hard work for me I reckon. Mike is getting zapped today because he reckons he is James Bond in training, so I did my exit message to say that James Bond wouldn't behave this way.

I have yet to find ol Piers again, I have swiped so many away I have none left now ....................

I'm a Taurus.....

Mine are:

Partner in crime

Soul mate

'Eclectic' taste in music

No baggage

Young at heart

Oh & as of last night I have a new one......calling aftershave 'poof juice'

I'm a Taurus and I always thought the cliches associated with us are that we're boring old plodders who like lists and rules?

Dean is getting Taurus mixed up with twat.

Bruce, he is the guy who lives down the road from me but claims to be an engineer in the Royal Navy in central London. (is there even a naval base in central London???)
He could be doing a desk job in Whitehall. Most engineers though (those who aren't drafted to ships) would be based in Bristol at the Abbey Wood offices.

@JimmyJabs

I'm a Taurus and I always thought the cliches associated with us are that we're boring old plodders who like lists and rules?

Ah yes, that sounds more like me!

@poppyzbrite4

Dean is getting Taurus mixed up with twat.

Now that we know that it is not a Taurus thing, I think he may be both.

Ah yes, that sounds more like me!

😂

@DdraigGoch

Bruce, he is the guy who lives down the road from me but claims to be an engineer in the Royal Navy in central London. (is there even a naval base in central London???) He could be doing a desk job in Whitehall. Most engineers though (those who aren't drafted to ships) would be based in Bristol at the Abbey Wood offices.

This is useful information

He is definitely not in London but I think I'll play along a little....

@JimmyJabs

I'm a Taurus and I always thought the cliches associated with us are that we're boring old plodders who like lists and rules?

That was definitely my ex, down to a T.

I'm thinking of beginning to date again later this year. At 52 I probably don't have much hope, but the entertainment might make up for that. And this thread has been quite informative.

The thing is, I bloody love lists and rules, so in my case, it's true! When I read back over all the things I've said about myself on this thread, I realise I've made myself sound like a very unattractive prospect, but I think I'm quite normal really...

@GreenlandTheMovie

I think just generally the harsh, odd sort of language the perennial men on OLD use. When you have to ask other people what they actually mean? And the way they write women they've never met off, because that their only experience of women.

Most of them want either casual sex or a goldmine and don't recognise that with each passing year, they're becoming more and more undesirable and missing out on the benefits that having a proper, honest relationship with another human being can bring.

To be honest I think it works both ways. OLD is pretty dire full stop

Ohh any profile that's whinges about the dating app, the women on it or how it's crap

Same with anyone who starts 'I can't believe it's come to this?' - dude I'm on here to.... so if you think it's so embarrassing fuck off! Same with 'willing to say we met in Tesco' etc

In terms of online dating descriptions - Bubbly, adventurous, outgoing, highly achieving.

I'm thinking of beginning to date again later this year. At 52 I probably don't have much hope, but the entertainment might make up for that. And this thread has been quite informative

I am 51 and have been quite entertained, yet to go on a date mind....