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Original poster

Phrases that make you swipe left

423 replies

JimmyJabs · 07/02/2021 17:26

I'm a glutton for punishment, so I've recently gone back on OLD, and I'm finding it something of a trial so far. All the things that used to annoy me about people's profiles are still exactly the same as when I was last doing this! These are my instant nope phrases:

My kids are my life (so where would a potential girlfriend fit in? Also, that's just basic parenting...)

I don't take myself/life too seriously (almost guaranteed to be immature and flaky, and leave all the boring life admin to some other sucker)

Not looking for a penpal (will exchange a maximum of 5 messages with you before suggesting that you meet up for 'fun 😉')

Is anyone genuine on here? (Dude, maybe don't advertise the fact that nobody ever replies to you)

I'm 6ft, because apparently that matters (while being short is not unattractive to me, passive aggression certainly is)

What are your instantly offputting phrases? I'd be intrigued to know what men have to say about this too, in case I'm being inadvertently annoying myself...

OP posts:
unbotheredbutbewildered · 07/02/2021 19:08

I enjoy travelling/travelling is important to me = Translation = I enjoy going to places like Australia and Thailand, but never actually see any of the culture. I just go to get drunk

Looking for an adventurous woman = Translation = What I consider adventurous isn't at all adventurous but, because my penis, is tiny I like to think it is. You have to think it is too.

I enjoy going to the pub = Translation = I'm a raging alcoholic who only enjoys going to the pub and have no other interests. I probably also have a massive beer belly

I have my own house = Translation = You should be impressed by me. Secretly, I have a tiny penis - this is why I boast about owning a house.

I want a woman who knows what she wants = Translation = As long as it's also what I want.

I am not interested in just sex = Translation = All I want is sex. Send me nudes

I want a woman who is well educated = Translation = But not too well educated. I don't want her to be able to think for herself or be more knowledgable than me

I work long hours and expect a partner to pull her own weight = Translation = I work long hours. I expect you to as well. I also expect you to do all the housework and give me oral every night.

As you can tell...I am VERY jaded.

WitchWife · 07/02/2021 19:12

@JimmyJabs

What is this Marilyn quote? I don't think I've come across that one.
presume it's the "if you don't put up with me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" one?
sunnyzweibrucken · 07/02/2021 19:14

“Drama free”
“Enjoys cuddling with their cat”
“My girls are my life”
“Looking for excitement “
Confused

TroyTown · 07/02/2021 19:16

I’m laughing out loud at some of these!! I wonder what phrases would make men swipe left...

MorrisZapp · 07/02/2021 19:16

@Redtartanshoes

“Looking for a partner in crime”

“My kids are my world”

“No fakes”

“If you ask my height I’ll ask your weight”

“If you don’t look like your profile pic you need to pay for the drinks until you do”

If you ask my height I'll ask your weight 😂😂

Sorry, that's brilliant.

cambridgediet · 07/02/2021 19:18

"Work hard, play hard"

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 07/02/2021 19:19

"My kids come first. If the ship is sinking and there's only 3 life jackets, you'd better know how to swim"

Just what every woman wants, a selfish tosser who'd leave her to drown while saving himself and his kids. Yes we all KNOW that your kids are important to you, but if you want to woo a woman, don't tell her how she'll be left to die!

poppyzbrite4 · 07/02/2021 19:19

If you don't like me at my worst, you won't like me at my best. - I have an undiagnosed mood disorder.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 07/02/2021 19:20

And "send me your number and we can take this chat over to WhatsApp" = I want to send you a dick pic without getting banned.

shouldreallynamechangemore · 07/02/2021 19:20

@poppyzbrite4

If you don't like me at my worst, you won't like me at my best. - I have an undiagnosed mood disorder.
🤣🤣
PicsInRed · 07/02/2021 19:20

"Looking for my partner in crime" essentially means "we're gonna do stuff I like, or rather I'm gonna do stuff I like and you'll passively watch and admire me cos I'm awesome and that'll make me feel more awesome, cos I'm just super awesome. Yay. Yeah, look admiringly at me and wag that tail. Good doggy."

Seaoftroubles · 07/02/2021 19:21

I'm one of the good guys... Err l'll be the judge of that thanks!
Tactile... Handsy
No drama queens or bunny boilers... I'm a misogynist who thinks women should shut up and know their place.

honeysuckle21 · 07/02/2021 19:22

Anything that puts women down like no drama - means put up with my shit and don't complain.

No princess' - means I'm tight and I'm going to treat you badly.

Photos with their kids/dogs/ group lads photo/ another women/fancy dress

Don't know what they're looking for/something casual ( not for me)

showing off muscles, too vain and too much time in the gym.

nervalslobster · 07/02/2021 19:24

School of hard knocks/university of life = thick as pig shit, and with a chip on my shoulder about it too.

CodenameVillanelle · 07/02/2021 19:27

@TroyTown

I’m laughing out loud at some of these!! I wonder what phrases would make men swipe left...
I read a thread on here where men joined in and women are as guilty as the cliches as women are apparently Grin
LemonadeFromLemons · 07/02/2021 19:29

“I’m a big kid at heart” I’ve never grown up and now I’ve warned you, so it’s your fault if you invest any of your time with me.

thehouseneedscleaned · 07/02/2021 19:30

Profiles with absolutely nothing written are quite annoying as well (l am so desirable l don't need to lower myself to a description!). However an empty profile still better than -

No drama

My kids mean everything to me so if you have a problem with this swipe left

No crazy exes

Own house and car. Car? What's that got to do with anything? You're not picking me up from my parents house at 6pm. Or are we going to be having it off in said car? Bizarre!

jambeforeclottedcream · 07/02/2021 19:30

Not 35 actually 21 or similar

Not a phrase but photos where:- all of them are group photos so you don't know who you are supposed to be looking at
Cover photo is a motorbike, a pint, a dog
Weirdly photoshopped.

Original poster
JimmyJabs · 07/02/2021 19:32

Long lists of things that they don't want with nary a hint of what they actually have to offer. This is depressingly common.

Also, I know it's not phrases, but men who post pictures of their hairless, beefed-up torsos, especially if their nipples are all erect. I really don't like it when they look like they've been inflated with a bicycle pump, and I tend to assume they're on tedious no-carb diets, so I'd feel self-conscious about eating a pudding in front of them.

OP posts:
jambeforeclottedcream · 07/02/2021 19:38

Vegan 🌱

Another photo one:- guys lying in bed half naked and at an unflattering angle.
Guy half naked taken in the mirror with phone like people did 10/15 years ago before switch screens happened. Complete with loo in the background

Affor · 07/02/2021 19:38

Oh yeah that's another one "bad at describing myself. If you wanna know just ask lol"

Why should I put in all the work. You're on OLD put in some fucking effort

skybright59 · 07/02/2021 19:40

I'm starting to notice these so called adventure dating groups on facebook being trampled to death by dirty desperado...never ever have I seen so much filth on some adventure walking group..memes about cum and just disgusting stuff..when someone pointed it out and I agreed the shit proverbially hit the fan. I simply pointed out if I wanted that shit thrust in my face I would have joined a porno page. .its just rank nasty

skybright59 · 07/02/2021 19:41

And what's with the guys on OLD holding af**king fish. Lol

ItisLikethis · 07/02/2021 19:44

This thread only further confirms my suspicions - OLD is full of desperate wankers. I'm so glad I deleted my Tinder profile.

skybright59 · 07/02/2021 19:44

@unbotheredbutbewildered

I enjoy travelling/travelling is important to me = Translation = I enjoy going to places like Australia and Thailand, but never actually see any of the culture. I just go to get drunk

Looking for an adventurous woman = Translation = What I consider adventurous isn't at all adventurous but, because my penis, is tiny I like to think it is. You have to think it is too.

I enjoy going to the pub = Translation = I'm a raging alcoholic who only enjoys going to the pub and have no other interests. I probably also have a massive beer belly

I have my own house = Translation = You should be impressed by me. Secretly, I have a tiny penis - this is why I boast about owning a house.

I want a woman who knows what she wants = Translation = As long as it's also what I want.

I am not interested in just sex = Translation = All I want is sex. Send me nudes

I want a woman who is well educated = Translation = But not too well educated. I don't want her to be able to think for herself or be more knowledgable than me

I work long hours and expect a partner to pull her own weight = Translation = I work long hours. I expect you to as well. I also expect you to do all the housework and give me oral every night.

As you can tell...I am VERY jaded.

Your not jaded you've been in the game for long enough like me and can smell bullshit
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