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Original poster

Phrases that make you swipe left

423 replies

JimmyJabs · 07/02/2021 17:26

I'm a glutton for punishment, so I've recently gone back on OLD, and I'm finding it something of a trial so far. All the things that used to annoy me about people's profiles are still exactly the same as when I was last doing this! These are my instant nope phrases:

My kids are my life (so where would a potential girlfriend fit in? Also, that's just basic parenting...)

I don't take myself/life too seriously (almost guaranteed to be immature and flaky, and leave all the boring life admin to some other sucker)

Not looking for a penpal (will exchange a maximum of 5 messages with you before suggesting that you meet up for 'fun 😉')

Is anyone genuine on here? (Dude, maybe don't advertise the fact that nobody ever replies to you)

I'm 6ft, because apparently that matters (while being short is not unattractive to me, passive aggression certainly is)

What are your instantly offputting phrases? I'd be intrigued to know what men have to say about this too, in case I'm being inadvertently annoying myself...

OP posts:

DdraigGoch · 15/02/2021 22:50

@pocketwarm

I commented earlier in the thread and have continued to agree with everyone’s posts! One thing I’ve wondered, do you think as many women leave their profiles blank as men? I’ve lost track of the number of profiles I’ve seen with not a word written on them - do you think that makes it easier for them to pretend to be something they aren’t? Particularly with Bumble... right swipe on everyone... might get lucky and some might swipe back... I’ll see what she says to me first and play my cards from there.

Also wondered on the back of other threads that have been here over the last wee while, do some men view OLD as a freebie Only Fans? The potential (particularly over continued lockdown) to have some one-to-one dirty chat and see some photos without having to subscribe to anything?

Plenty of women do, yes. No idea about whether blank profiles make it easier to bluff, but they make it damned hard to start a conversation.

catlovingdoctor · 15/02/2021 23:01

Asking as a guy, what kind of things ARE acceptable to you all then??

pocketwarm · 15/02/2021 23:23

Laughing and feeling horrified in equal measure re the Bruce Willis men!

Thanks for not thinking my comment was absurd re Only Fans, Greenland. I know what you mean Jimmy Jabs, but porn sites don’t have that personal connection of making someone feel like the woman is doing this for them and them only (like the old fashioned sex lines). The talking into part - I think that’s half the ‘fun’/power trip for some of these men.

Still laughing at Bruce Willis!

pocketwarm · 15/02/2021 23:25

They do, DdraigGoch, particularly when there’s nothing stand-out to ask about the photos, either.

Justawaterformeplease · 15/02/2021 23:27

Fluent in sarcasm

VanGoghsDog · 15/02/2021 23:42

@catlovingdoctor

Asking as a guy, what kind of things ARE acceptable to you all then??

Just be genuine, avoid clichés like the plague ....

What would you want to know about someone you might be spending some time with? What was the last book or film that you loved? What interests you?

Obviously mention your kids, or what the arrangement is, but no need to say they are your world, they should be, it goes without saying. Saying it makes it sound like you're trying to convince someone (or look like a great dad when you're not).

And also think "do I want to meet the sort of person who would want to meet the person behind this profile?" If so, no matter what you put, it's fine isn't it? Maybe you don't want to attract a Mumsnet viper!

LHReturns · 16/02/2021 00:46

Reading this thread makes me wish I was a lesbian, because you all just get it. All these quotes literally make my vagina snap shut.

I have a question that I never solved from my OLD days. Is there a height below which men should flag it early on? Someone I really fell for online waited a lonnnnnnnng time before he said he should 'probably mention' that he was 5"3. I felt duped. And turned off which perhaps is my shame.

What is the done thing here?

What is the best way of managing a stand out detail like this?

stout01 · 16/02/2021 07:54

@LHReturns

Reading this thread makes me wish I was a lesbian, because you all just get it. All these quotes literally make my vagina snap shut.

What is the done thing here?

What is the best way of managing a stand out detail like this?

I mention early on as Im not much taller than 5 3 myself. It's only occasionally an issue mind.

How were you duped?

ItisLikethis · 16/02/2021 07:57

@stout01 I really don't think height matters for most.

DarkAtNight · 16/02/2021 08:02

I like a short man. I'd be far more disappointed to find out someone was 6'3.

My last bf was 5'3 and it was one of the things that I found attractive about him.

I think everyone should be open about their physical aspects. People do have preferences.

Original poster

JimmyJabs · 16/02/2021 08:18

@catlovingdoctor

Asking as a guy, what kind of things ARE acceptable to you all then??

Have you rtft? This has been answered several times. I think that, if a man doesn't know how to make himself sound like a halfway decent option, it's a bit of a cheek to come onto a lighthearted thread for people (men were welcome to contribute too) venting about rubbish profiles and demand that we tell you how to write a decent one. Just don't put any of the annoying shit that people have mentioned. If that leaves you with nothing to say, perhaps you have bigger problems.

OP posts:

ravenmum · 16/02/2021 08:42

@catlovingdoctor

Asking as a guy, what kind of things ARE acceptable to you all then??

Can't answer for all women, sorry - but I personally like a comment that shows a man sees women as fellow individuals, rather than a herd of unfathomable creatures he has no chance of ever comprehending.

I like the type of man who can read this thread and understand that each of us is writing their personal pet peeves, some of which we disagree on, rather than all of us generating this thread together through our massive hive mind.

LHReturns · 16/02/2021 08:45

I guess I felt duped in that if I am meeting potential romantic connections online, and I have a physical characteristic which is noticeably outside of what could be deemed ‘average’, then I would mention it early on. People are allowed to have a preferred type, and I certainly indicated that I was 5”8 much earlier than he thought fair to drop his 5”3 bomb...

stout01 · 16/02/2021 16:56

@LHReturns

Fair enough. If you've told him your height and he hasnt I can see how it would come as a surprise if he didnt at that stage as he was nearly half a foot shorter. Not sure thats a bomb mind, but understand everyone has their own preferences.

I'm not keen on the 'under six foot need not apply' line but do understand women above average height pointing it out as obviously saves a lot of time.

ravenmum · 16/02/2021 17:06

I'm not keen on the 'under six foot need not apply' line but do understand women above average height pointing it out as obviously saves a lot of time.
"Need not apply" would certainly be a stupid way to put it. But my daughter is 5'11 and not interested in men who are shorter than her. Simply stating her height won't stop those men wasting their and her time by messaging her, as many shorter men like (or are not put off by) very tall women.

Closetbeanmuncher · 16/02/2021 22:24

whenever I see reference to massages. It just means he wants to finger-bang you with ylang ylang oil all over his grubby digits

Just spat my water out 😂😂

roxisolerenshaw · 21/02/2021 20:45

I have to add, photos of men in bed with their dog/cat!

Oysterbabe · 21/02/2021 21:14

In my dating days I remember seeing a profile that said
No slags. I don't want to be stirring another man's porridge in there.

I almost messaged him as I was genuinely intrigued to find out if he'd ever had a single date on the back of his profile. Almost.

isthismylifenow · 23/02/2021 07:12

Gosh I had to come back to this thread to share this.

Unbelievably I am still on Tinder, I was about to delete it and then I got a match and he messaged, and he does seem real and has a sense of humour too which seems quite a rare find sadly.

Anyway, just this morning I was flicking through to see today's treasures. And then I see this familiar face looking at me. It was Piers Morgan . I don't live in the UK and I don't think many people here know who Piers Morgan is... obviously I do. His name was some fake name as its a surname instead of a first name (why scammers haven't realized by now this is a dead giveaway, think Harrison, Anderson)

I so wish I had screenshotted it, but I will if I come across him again. I am on the free version so can't go back, what a pity.

Then I realized that the scammer didn't realize that Piers is a bit of a celeb and has just grabbed any old pic of a bloke, not knowing some might know who he is....

God I did have a laugh at how bad it is.....

Original poster

JimmyJabs · 23/02/2021 07:46

What an odd choice of scam profile picture. He's hardly love's young dream, is he? I must not be very observant, but the only scams I notice tend to be the ones with obvious pictures of non-threatening male models lifted from online.

OP posts:

isthismylifenow · 23/02/2021 08:25

Jimmy I would say that more than half of ours are scammers. I can tell a lot of them straight away. In fact I have one that I matched with that I am chatting with at the moment. Its so obvious that he is a scammer but i have let the chat go on a bit as its really just a bit of entertainment from my side. I don't live in the UK, but he says he does. But his area is showing that he lives 22km away from me..... I don't think he knows he hasn't turned off the location setting. And he is not English speaking, I can tell by the grammar. And the fact that his opening line is 'hello beautiful dear.... '

And many of the scammers try to use normal looking pictures, this one got through my first line of defence as he isn't doing the normal scam poses...those with professional photos, with 4 different pics but each one isn't even the same person , standing in front of 5 different tourist attractions, the photo of the chap is in his 30s but he says he's in 55 etc... its really bad. But entertaining in the same breath. I don't know how many matches they get because it is so obvious sometimes. Another dead giveaway is that they always attended a University that isn't in my country. US or UK, Europe etc. So I do tend to swipe right on those that are written in our other language as they are more likely to be genuine.

But Piers Morgan!

minniemoocher · 23/02/2021 08:35

Tinder was the worst but match not much better. Did meet dp (different more expensive site) though! Both of us had some of the cliches you mentioned on our profiles because we had come out for f long (pre internet) marriages. Bottom line is we have bought a house! Just as well we both like a bottle of red and Netflix as it's all we could do for the most of this year

DdraigGoch · 23/02/2021 09:47

Someone used a picture of Dave Gorman for scamming. So Dave used a fake profile of his wife to track them down:
Part 1

Part 2

happinessischocolate · 24/02/2021 12:51

But his area is showing that he lives 22km away from me..... I don't think he knows he hasn't turned off the location setting.

Ah is that what it is, I could never understand why it would say someone is 300 miles away but then their location is my town or sometimes the reverse. Doh! 🤦‍♀️

melononapear · 24/02/2021 14:49

Check out this prince of a man!

Form an orderly queue ladies..

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