Phrases that make you swipe left

[JimmyJabs]

I'm a glutton for punishment, so I've recently gone back on OLD, and I'm finding it something of a trial so far. All the things that used to annoy me about people's profiles are still exactly the same as when I was last doing this! These are my instant nope phrases:

My kids are my life (so where would a potential girlfriend fit in? Also, that's just basic parenting...)

I don't take myself/life too seriously (almost guaranteed to be immature and flaky, and leave all the boring life admin to some other sucker)

Not looking for a penpal (will exchange a maximum of 5 messages with you before suggesting that you meet up for 'fun 😉')

Is anyone genuine on here? (Dude, maybe don't advertise the fact that nobody ever replies to you)

I'm 6ft, because apparently that matters (while being short is not unattractive to me, passive aggression certainly is)

What are your instantly offputting phrases? I'd be intrigued to know what men have to say about this too, in case I'm being inadvertently annoying myself...

@Bluntness100

I'm 34 years old, with a degree and a set of brains..no I'm not after ibsta followers,no I dont have duck lips,I'm made from no plastics I am completely au natural.. Looking for engaging and enthusiastic people who have the capability to form a paragraph..if your going to struggle move along

I’m sorry, but you may wish to fix the grammatical errors as others have said.

Plus no one has a “set of brains”, we all have one only. In addition, I think you mean you’re completely natural, not “au natural” which means basically naked or without excessive dressing. I’m not sure that’s what you’re trying to say.

Lastly are you sure you’re looking for enthusiastic and engaging people plural and not an enthusiastic and engaging person? Generally on dating sites it’s more about finding an individual.

Great sentiment though, but maybe works better written correctly.

Hahahaha it's my profile and I'll do what I like...thanks for your input though prince charming

Class clown = Dick head

"If you can't accept my kids come first don't message me" yep mate thats fine, next!

"don't do fat birds" lucky escape for me then!

"I want to travel the world" YAWN!

"Don't judge a book by its cover" then proceeds to judge your looks and figure

God its dire!!!

These take me back 🤣 been with DH nearly 3 years but prior was OND on and off for 5 years, had an awful time with it! So many of my friends met their partners online but it never worked for me

"Where have all the good women gone?" Roughly translated as: I've met plenty but always cheat on them with "fitter birds" covered in ten ton of slap, who take endless duck lip selfies and dump me the minute they realise I have no money, then I whinge on facebook that all women are bitches.

"Where have all the real women gone?" = too stupid to realise they run and hide when they see him coming.

What's a 'set of brains'

I imagine perhaps it's not just the men that need to read their profile.

@GreenlandTheMovie

But to answer the question, any man who criticises women and goes into detail to describe what they don't like. It's always men over 45 who do this, so no, I don't think many women want a sour faced, critical, controlling, ageing man.

Ugh and the ones who look literally 18-20 years older than they claimed to be. Or they have one photo from years ago where they look quite nice then you see a more recent photo and they look rather different with the passage of time, and not in a good way.

There are a lot of men on OLD who seem to have had a bad paper round... they're apparently younger than me but they look 10 years older. Either they're lying about their age or they don't spend enough time outdoors! The worst ones are those who use an old photo for their main profile picture, usually taken at a wedding or something where they're all dressed up, and then when you click on the profile the rest of the pictures tell the true story...

I think I've seen you on another thread where you have said that you wouldn't date a man who had used OLD, and I was just a bit depressed about what that said about my own prospects. I don't meet single, eligible men in my day to day life and I simply have no idea what else to do to find one. Where do you find these decent men who have never dabbled in OLD?

Jimmy Jabs I do think if I lived somewhere like Surrey or Berkshire or some other place, OLD would be fine. I dont want to say where I do live, as I've been targeted by male posters before on here fir having the temerity to discuss my dating choices. All I can say is that round here, the men over 40 who use OLD do all seem to be players, extremely unattractive, not too bright and with that horrible cynicism that comes with having spent years messing women around and dealing with the inevitable arguments that causes. I would date as young as about 32, but even that age group on OLD seem incapable of holding a basic conversation, and yiure soon onto the "you look sexy, where do you live?" comments.

I met up with one man who was able to hold a conversation and was well educated from OLD but even he admitted all he was looking for was "casual fun" and he described a previous one night stand he had and how he was disappointed when she ghosted him afterwards. It was not encouraging and I didn't fancy him.

In normal times, I have no problems whatsoever meeting potential dates through hobbies. It is just that I got dumped just as the first lockdown started by a man who turned out to be a cheat, a liar and a player, as described above.

It is just that after using OLD, it was so bad that I felt sort of tainted and a bit depressed, wading through these awful messages. I guess there's a lot of people out there who feel the same about OLD and are effectively banned from meeting new partners. Youre not banned from instantly forming a new support bubble with someone or having a partner stay over, and that does seem to have encouraged a lot of men on OLD to think suggesting coming round to your house for sex after a few messages is fine. It's such risky, dangerous behaviour.

That all sounds horribly familiar. I don't know about Surrey or Berkshire (I would imagine they're as full of undesirables as anywhere else) but I'm in North Yorkshire and the men in my age range on OLD do all seem to have an aversion to commitment, or even the possibility of future commitment. I was recently talking to a man in his early 40s, an attractive, intelligent guy who ran his own business (this was verifiable), and after a few messages he suggested coming over to mine with a bottle of wine so that we could have some 'fun' . I mean, ffs. Is 40 too young to be in a settled relationship now? Is he going to be one of those men who gets to his 50s and then suddenly realises he wants marriage and children and starts sending sleazy messages to women in their late 20s? It does all make me feel a bit grubby just being in contact with this world, but all the men I work with are either married or far too young, and my hobbies tend to be mostly women!

I'm not single but this thread has brought some much needed hilarity on a dull morning.

However, after reading it all there doesn't seem to be much left to go on a dating profile...you can't put that you enjoy going to the pub, or travelling, or running, etc etc

What would a good dating profile look like?

Over the last lockdown I fell in love with a man that I'd met on OLD. Perhaps, over time, I will come to realise it wasn't love at all.

I should have known better, really. It turned out to be such a disappointment. Wasted my time by choosing to only see the good, while ignoring the all the red flags that were flapping wildly right in front of my face.

Hahahaha it's my profile and I'll do what I like...thanks for your input though prince charming

Ok, I’m a woman though 😃

Seriously was just trying to help. If you want someone who can string a paragraph together, then it’s best to show you can too. Your profile basically says you have multiple brains, are completely naked, and looking for multiple partners.

But as you said, it’s your profile .😂

My partner (of 2.5 years) wrote. "Intelligent, active lady wanted for straight forward relationship" He swiped in me and I swiped back. Within 3 messages we had agreed to meet. Completely love at first sight and now planning retirement together. He brought me breakfast in bed this morning. Keep it simple.

Your profile basically says you have multiple brains, are completely naked, and looking for multiple partners.

Never mind online dating, how about a position in the Cabinet?

JimmyJabs there's loads of Tik Tok now with women responding real examples of those sort of OLD messages by blocking them, one after another, all over the world.

Judging by the stupid older men who contact me on FB, (that I'm not friends with), a lot of men are in their fifties and making are making a nuisance of themselves by contacting younger women! It's as if a memo has gone out to them, saying "there's a fantastic new way to meet younger women, just search on FB")...

I've had the sad realisation that my ex will turn into one of them. I was actually contacted by a man in his early sixties who had done some work on my home a few years back. He had asked me out after that, even though I'd made it obvious I wasn't single, and I'd ignored him. So he tried again after a few years. The thing is, if mentioned the first contact to a few friends and he is notorious for trying it on with every woman he meets and for also trawling round clubs and having ONSs with anyone willing.

I've formed the opinion that men in regular employment, rather than those running their own businesses, are a bit more likely to be more reliable.

Theyre so weird, a lot of these older single men. Why do they think young, attractive women are going to be grateful for their interest? The ones who message you on FB and you reply quite curtly a couple of times because you have friends in common, and then they start putting love hearts next to your posts? What's going on with that? It's so embarrassing, in case your friends think you've got something going on with some dumpling of a man in his fifties! When in reality, you barely have a clue who they are! I just message them telling them not to do it now, in case people get the wrong impression, and they usually get the hump and de friend me, so it's all good.

@Bluntness100

Hahahaha it's my profile and I'll do what I like...thanks for your input though prince charming

Ok, I’m a woman though 😃

Seriously was just trying to help. If you want someone who can string a paragraph together, then it’s best to show you can too. Your profile basically says you have multiple brains, are completely naked, and looking for multiple partners.

But as you said, it’s your profile .😂

Bluntness younger women are under pressure to have upbeat, informal, casual sounding profiles, otherwise they get ignored or accused of being too serious or something.

Men who just have their height in their profile.
Men who just write "Hi" and want you to do all the effort.
Women looking for women who reveals that "we are an adventurous straight couple looking for a girl" 🤢

I think my friends who have met their partners online they all seem to be more introverted and not conventionally good looking. I guess they're using it as they're too shy to approach women IRL. I think when I was OND I would meet guys who were more conventionally good looking and who were more outgoing and tended to be more player types as they had lots of choice and wouldn't be afraid to approach women IRL, so they used OND as a way to just meet lots of women.
When I did meet my now DH he wasn't into OND, he was more old fashioned I guess and wanted to meet a woman organically. I count my blessings as looking back OND really affected my mental health and my confidence and how I viewed men

Yeah, "cosy night in with a bottle of wine" means "I want a hole to fuck all night but I'll never take you on a proper date and you will never meet my family or friends.

I tried tinder for 3 weeks - it was depressing - but a little amusing too.
Partner in crime was by biggest bug bear -
No drama - ie don’t ask me to put my clothes in the washing machine!!!
Love my kids - why wouldn’t you!!
I was curious about their lives - ask questions - but no response.
One man clearly stated he was looking for a mother for his child -
Lots of men overseas.
Thankfully - no dick pics. 😃
It’s dire really.
I was pleased I tried it but I won’t go back.

@yearinyearout

I'm not single but this thread has brought some much needed hilarity on a dull morning.

However, after reading it all there doesn't seem to be much left to go on a dating profile...you can't put that you enjoy going to the pub, or travelling, or running, etc etc

What would a good dating profile look like?

There's loads left to say - if there isn't anything in your life that you can talk about other than pubs and running, it's a poor lookout. Just say who you are, what you're interested in, what you bring to the table, and what you want to get out of using OLD. Funny is good, as long as it's not cringe-funny. It's kind of in the phrasing as well sometimes. "I have children who I have every other week" is better than "My kids are my world"! Accompany your profile with a couple of recent, in-focus pictures where you're fully clothed (not in your pants or swimming trunks) and smiling (not pouting or scowling) and you can actually see your face, i.e. not wearing a hat and ski goggles. And for the love of God, use the front camera on your phone. Mirror selfies where you're obscuring half your face with your phone and you can see toothpaste marks all over the mirror are just... I mean, why would you?

My profile said

“Perfectly average in every way”

(I am not, I am amazing in lots of ways)

But I added quite a few photos in various different environments so you could see that I had pets, was outdoorsy, had friends, had hobbies etc

got loads of stupid messages, mostly

hi, how’s ur day lol

(Why lol? Why you laughing????)

But my DP was the only one I really clicked with, decided to risk a date after a week of good chatting and been together ever since - now with added kids, a house and a ring.

I think the important thing is to not put it all out there in one go, we chatted loads but didn’t do the life story over messages. It meant we had lots of little surprises finding out new things about each other on our dates.

OLD is a minefield of shite but there’s definitely some gems in there and loads of potential.

A pillow princess is a woman who just lays back and expects satisfaction in bed without giving any

Pickfords is a removal firm, the joke is that some women in same sex relationships tend to rush into moving in together but then it goes quickly wrong (mainly due to their unrealistic expectations) and they move back out quickly

Argh... people who use lol as punctuation. I once sent a polite "no, I don't want to see you again" to a man who I'd been on an awful date with, and he replied "well at least your honest lol". Why is that funny? Why??