Left for another woman

[user1469989812]

Not a regular posting here so not sure what Im expecting but just need to get it out. My partner of 10 years (no children) has left me for another woman. He went for a drink with her 2 weeks ago on Friday and didn't come home. I was up all night waiting, phoning around hospitals etc as thats never happened in the whole relationship. He returned Saturday afternoon and ended it with me stating he hadn't been happy for a long time and didn't love me anymore, but said there was noone else he'd been with friends and left.

He came for all his things Tuesday and admitted that he has been with a woman after all his stuff was loaded in his car. Insisted they hadn't slept together and it wasn't like that. I messaged the other woman who said they'd been speaking at work and gone for a drink and he stayed there but nothing happened. He then decided he couldn't leave, had made a mistake and came back and slept in our bed with me. Then went to work and came home and left properly this time. I have seen him a few times, well most days really but all his stuff is now gone and I have the key to our flat. He still says they aren't an item and haven't even slept together but I am of course not that naive, her social media gives the impression they are getting on brilliantly and she thinks he is the one already.

I feel so lost without him and have completely embarrassed myself begging for another chance. We've had a tough few years I've suffered with terrible depression and have definitely let myself go, followed by a miscarriage at Christmas which I really struggled to come to terms with but I thought we would get through it together.

How do I start to heal from this? I'm sat in our home crying constantly, I haven't eaten a thing since that awful Friday. I physically can't bring myself to do anything. I feel pathetic,embarrassed and worthless. I'm 30 next month and feel I've wasted my best years on him. I feel so alone.

Shes younger, more attractive and overall better than me it seems. I just want him back, I still feel like we're supposed to be together. I can't stop blaming myself and have this constant hope that he'll realize he's made a mistake.

Any advice to try and pull myself back together?

Sorry for grammar or spelling mistakes I'm a wreck.

You'll get there OP

You’re sounding more positive now op which is good to know.
Take care of yourself and remember you have the mn massive
Cheering you on.

Lonelynow

just read your Thread, crushingly painful to feel your anguish with every post. So glad to see you're taking small steps to recovery. You take every minute of every hour of ever day as it comes, one foot in front of the other and do not look back. You will turn a corner and suddenly the days feel a bit brighter and the hurt less sharp.

Please keep talking and I love that you have restyled your hair. 5 days in a Hotel is great, be kind TO YOU my lovely 🌺

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. I hope my story helps you. I wasted a lot of time and dignity chasing after someone who left me for another woman and I eventually (after a lot of heartache) realised there were much much better fish in the sea. I really now wish I hadn’t wasted my time and efforts pining after him when he turned out to be just another aimless cheating guy! Please please do yourself the massive favour of skipping over the parts where you try to win him back - block him on all social media and do not contact him or her. It will only make you look back years from now and cringe at yourself (which is what I do!). And yes I hate my in laws but I’m happily married for 10 years with three kids. You are still very young and you have definitely not wasted your best years on him. Your best ones are yet to come! And you can and will meet someone so much better!

@margeproopsspecs thank you, the support I've gotten on here has helped me massively.
@bluethistles I haven't restyled it yet I'm still deciding how drastic I want to go but will be done in the next few days. Looking forward to a few days somewhere different even if it is a very cheap option, it means I know he won't be hanging around as its actually gotten quite creepy now. I had a welfare check at the weekend from the police and he somehow knew exactly what time, what I was wearing, that I told the police to walk up the stairs first etc so was obviously watching from somewhere. It definitely wasn't arranged by him either so he wouldn't have been told.

@fuckinginlaws unfortunately I've done the crying and begging for over 4 weeks now, but I've given up now and I know I deserve better. He just isn't worth it, the man I loved doesn't exist anymore. I really dislike the person he's turned into. The way he's carrying on now you'd think he was the one who was cheated on and abandoned. I'm in no rush to meet anyone else now, I know I'm going to have real trouble trusting anyone if he could do this after 10 years. But I'm feeling more positive and being on my own, I can be completely selfish now I only have myself to worry about.

@Lonelynow

I’ve just read your whole thread and I just wish I could give you a hug! You are being strong. I know you have an idealised vision of how a strong woman would cope with this - believe me, it’s just like you are. Honest. You’re getting through this one day at a time abd that’s all there is.

Could you move? You will be lonely by yourself. Could you move into a flat share with another girl your age? I’m thinking that’d be such a fun positive start for you. The flat you’re in now must be full of memories of him and feel empty now. Sharing with someone else would be a laugh.

Dong immediately assume that nobody would want to rent with you at the moment because you’re low. What you are going through is something most of us go through (sadly) at some point in our life. I’d snap you up as a flat mate if I were 29 again. Everyone can see the lovely person you really are. At the moment you’re simply a lovely person going through a hard time.

Have another huge virtual hug. 🤗

I'm a latecomer to this thread, but you sound so much better in yourself. I feel he's hating that you're not doing the pick me dance any more, quite rightly so.

How are you getting on at work now?

OP you hit rock bottom, now you can slowly start heading up, stronger and better. 🌺

So glad you are sounding more positive OP. Dont give anyone the power to destroy you. You can do this!

You are so strong OP and believe me I wasted much more than 4 weeks so you’ve done well to realise it’s his loss and certainly not yours. Onwards and upwards from here. Yes it will take time to trust again but you will as they are not all the same.

Have just read this thread & i am so pleased to see you sound more positive, you are coming out the other side of that dark tunnel..
You've got this

Thanks all. I've ruined it by speaking to him, he called me from a withheld number. Said truly awful things, I don't understand why he's being nasty now I'm leaving him alone. Makes no sense at all. Said it was all my fault that I had a miscarriage and that we struggled to conceive,said he didn't love me for years, I disgust him.

Drying my tears and won't be answering withheld calls anymore and picking myself back up again and carrying on. He's a disgusting human being.

@liloldme thanks. I don't want to move, I love my home and went through alot to get here. I'll get used to my own company gradually and know this will be my normal soon enough. I actually bagged up all the gifts he got me and got rid of all the cards I've kept over the years today. Well and truly washed my hands of him. Hes a cruel manipulative person.

He has shown you his true colours time and time again OP. This is all a sign. It is much better for you in the long run that he’s nasty versus him putting on a fake nice act to try and convince you he’s a good person. He isn’t. He’s vile and the lowest of the low. Keep your head held high, chin up, keep strong and forget he existed. You are going to be the winner in life and losers like him will be left far far behind. You’ve got this OP

well isn't he just precious.

you're well rid OP well rid 🌺

@hopefading thank you. I'm genuinely in shock at how he spoke to me. I was leaving him alone, that's what he wanted! Although I'd never speak to anyone like that. He is definitely a loser. You're right him being like this is definitely an eye opener and making it much easier to move on.

@bluethistles yes definitely well rid.

Well despite feeling more positive and making a real effort my sleep isn't getting any better. Came to bed at 11, sprayed the room and bedding with some nice lavender spray, used some lavender talcum powder stuff, left my phone in a different room and I was still awake until 1am. I'm having absolutely horrendous and very vivid dreams and waking up every 2 hours. I've given up now and gotten up and laying on the sofa. Any ideas when this part will get better.

Its hard to remain being positive when you're exhausted . I'm hoping this was just because of his horrendous behaviour last night. Really looking forward to getting away for a change of scenery at the weekend I think a bed that wasn't ours will do me wonders.

Have you tried listening to an audio book when you can't sleep? It stops everything going around your head as it gives you something to focus on. I'm listening to Harry Potter at the moment, read by Stephen Fry, which is very soothing.

I had an ex do exactly this. Woke up one day and said he was moving in with a mutual friend of ours, but they definitely weren’t together. 🙄 I wrote out a list of all the awful things he’d done or said in the 2 years we were together, kept adding to it and reading it when I felt sad. Within 24 hours I was overjoyed he was gone and just felt sorry for the poor woman. They’re still together and she bleats on about how wonderful he is but I know he’s a moody, huffy, short tempered idiot who is unable to hold down a job. 🤭 Within 6 months I’d met my now DH who is amazing. See it as a growth period for what you won’t tolerate next time.

@witchdancer I've tried that in the past and just get irritated and switch it off. I used to use an app with rain sounds but it isn't working anymore. I have to sleep with the lamp on now, I'm like a child but I know it will get easier.

@stormbaby thank you! I've made one of those lists but I'm still stupidly infatuated with him aswell. Although I absolutely hate him too. Hate seems to be the stronger emotion now though. I just can't get my head around when I finally leave him alone he does that. It's like he's trying to draw me back in because he doesn't want me to heal. I'm in no rush to meet anyone, my self esteem is so low I just have to work on myself and getting myself in a happier, healthier place.

you do need to heal, only time will do this 🌺

@bluethistles I know time will be the only thing that helps. I am definitely doing better but being so tired makes me emotional so I've had a few tears today. I'm not crying for him anymore though, I'm crying for me. I still feel so stupid I didn't see this coming at all.

If I'm being honest him bringing up my miscarriage has just brought all those emotions up again. He knows that it would so its not even me I'm crying for its the baby I could have had . The way he can speak about what would have been our child has totally disgusted me. I will never speak to the man again.

Little achievement tonight, I've cooked properly for the first time since he left. Nothing spectacular just Keema aloo and pilau rice. It was his favourite thing I made and I scoffed it all happily knowing I'll never make it for him again. Just waiting in Des coming on ITV at 9 then going to have another early night.

Just a reminder that I am the OP I'm not just a random talking to myself 😂. And like I said before I'm using this as a sort of diary so I can look back on my progress.

Keema aloo and pilau rice.

okay not sure what that id exactly 🤣 but that's good Lonelynow 🌺