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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

His mum is an issue?

348 replies

MamaOl · 14/05/2020 09:19

I’m 27 and my boyfriend is 42. We’ve been together officially for 5 months, been in each other’s lives for 7 months. We don’t live together, he lives with his mum and I live with my son in my own place.

I’m really conflicted, his Mum has never met me and she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to however I know no reasons as to why, as she doesn’t know me. My boyfriend can’t FaceTime me in the house, he has to go out to his car to FaceTime me, he doesn’t speak about me to her, he doesn’t love me even though I’ve told him I love him.
I’ve told him how much his actions about “hiding me away” about going out the house etc to call me but he doesn’t care.

Can I just get people's advice on what they think about this? I have my own opinion however I need outside perspective. Thanks x

OP posts:
ktjerl · 14/05/2020 09:23

Sounds like a man child. Get rid.

LouiseTrees · 14/05/2020 09:23

Okay. So if his mum makes him go outside that’s not his fault if it’s her house. At 42 it’s quite likely maybe she’s disappointed with him for the failure of another relationship and this has actually nothing to do with her not liking you. Whilst he could stand up to her if it’s her house he may not want to rock the boat. What makes you think he doesn’t love you, is it just this situation?

SporadicNamechange · 14/05/2020 09:23

Are you sure he lives with his mum?

Because from what you say, I’d assume he lives with his wife (and kids).

ThanosSavedMe · 14/05/2020 09:26

I was thinking the same as @SporadicNamechange

If that’s not the case and it is his mum. Run. Run as fast as you can.

Doowop20 · 14/05/2020 09:28

Why is he living with his mum at 42?

And if he doesn’t love you and you love him I would say it’s very one-sided and I wouldn’t personally bother.

Original poster
MamaOl · 14/05/2020 09:29

@LouiseTrees he’s told me doesn’t love me

@SporadicNamechange no no, he’s not married with kids at all. It’s his mum.

OP posts:
arianwe · 14/05/2020 09:29

Hopefully not the case, but it sounds like he probably has a wife and kids :/

Chillipeanuts · 14/05/2020 09:30

Sorry, but are you sure he lives with his mum and not his wife?

Original poster
MamaOl · 14/05/2020 09:31

Just to clarify to everyone - he is NOT married and has NO kids. Honestly. It’s his mum that’s the issue

OP posts:
SporadicNamechange · 14/05/2020 09:31

If that’s not the case and it is his mum. Run. Run as fast as you can.

I think Run is the best advice whatever his actual living situation.

  1. He sounds uncommitted and uncaring.
  2. He’s probably married and cheating on his wife
  3. If not, he’s got a seriously unhealthy relationship with his mother and should be left to it.

You’re only 27, @MamaOl. There are far better men out there. Indeed, being single is better than this.

ALovelyBitOfSquirrel · 14/05/2020 09:31

Hmm Mum? Hmmm. Likely gf or wife. He's clearly not the one for you OP. Get rid.

ThanosSavedMe · 14/05/2020 09:32

He’s actually said he doesn’t love you. Then run even faster. Don’t waste any more time on him. Block him on absolutely everything. He really isn’t worth it

PlayinMay · 14/05/2020 09:33

Why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you, lives with his mum at 42 (assuming a ‘failure to launch’ issue here?) and hides you away, are the questions.

SporadicNamechange · 14/05/2020 09:33

How do you know it’s his mum? You’ve never met her. He doesn’t mention you to her. He hides away to call you.

Other than him saying he lives with his mum, how would you know for sure?

Lies like this would not be unheard of.

SlowDown76mph · 14/05/2020 09:33
  1. Still lives with Mum. Doesn't love you. Why are you still engaging..? Just exit.
Hoppinggreen · 14/05/2020 09:35

Hes 42 and lives with his mum (or does he?)
He wont stand up to his "Mum" and tell her to accept your relationship
His "Mum" is putting barriers in your way
He doesn't love you
You have a son

why exactly do you think that this is all you deserve?

Onone · 14/05/2020 09:37

He’s married,sorry

Chillipeanuts · 14/05/2020 09:39

I love my son dearly. If he still wants to live with me when he’s 42, I’LL be seriously worried!

You deserve better.

tallulahhulah1 · 14/05/2020 09:40

So many red flags here that seem to be ignored.

averythinline · 14/05/2020 09:40

this isnt a relationship in any stretch of the imagination...
of your 7 montsh in each others lives , you've been together for 5 and 2 of those approx in lockdown... and a 'man' sits in his car to facetime you !
seriously - dont do this to yourself and your son..... just dump this person, block any comms and get some therapy/counselling about why you are telling a virtual stranger you love them .... the best thing about this man is that he has been honest and told you he doesnt love you!

WickedlyPetite · 14/05/2020 09:40

Have you met any of his friends or other family?

Original poster
MamaOl · 14/05/2020 09:41

@Hoppinggreen it honestly is his Mum. I’ve had it confirmed by multiple people, he isn’t married, plus our relationship is on Facebook, he isn’t married. His mum just seems so reluctant to accept me and when I say to him about getting us talking to ease any tensions, it’s never the “right time” - I’ve sent things to her to make her like me but she never thanked me personally, just he said she said it.

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaOl · 14/05/2020 09:42

@WickedlyPetite I’ve met his brother and his sister in law

OP posts:
WickedlyPetite · 14/05/2020 09:44

Hang on... he can't face time you in the house? What, he doesn't have his own room that he can go to while he talks to you?

And you believe this?

Original poster
MamaOl · 14/05/2020 09:47

@WickedlyPetite he has FaceTimed me in his room before, but only when his mum is either asleep or out of the house. When she came back he hid his phone. I know how it sounds but he is not married. He really does live with his mum. I could say it to everyone til I’m blue in the face, I know the situation 🙈

OP posts: