His mum is an issue?

[MamaOl]

I’m 27 and my boyfriend is 42. We’ve been together officially for 5 months, been in each other’s lives for 7 months. We don’t live together, he lives with his mum and I live with my son in my own place.

I’m really conflicted, his Mum has never met me and she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to however I know no reasons as to why, as she doesn’t know me. My boyfriend can’t FaceTime me in the house, he has to go out to his car to FaceTime me, he doesn’t speak about me to her, he doesn’t love me even though I’ve told him I love him.
I’ve told him how much his actions about “hiding me away” about going out the house etc to call me but he doesn’t care.

Can I just get people's advice on what they think about this? I have my own opinion however I need outside perspective. Thanks x

@honeyroar I would be very very surprised. He hasn’t responded in more or less a week so I feel like he won’t have anything else to say now x

What are you going to do if he DOES reply? and please don’t answer that you think he won’t. You need to have a plan otherwise you will be guilted back into his little game. It really would be better to block because I can guarantee that you are checking your phone every 5 minutes. It’s not good for you!!

OP how do you think people generally feel after break ups?
They are down, often want to be alone...and "they're not themselves".

It's all normal and natural and part of the process of break ups.

If they are concerned about his mental health then they need to phone mental health professionals.

Do any of them care about your mental health?
Hell no!
He clearly doesn't and neither do the rest of them.

Does anyone ACTUALLY think he will one day turn round and message me out of the blue having ignored my messages for a week almost?

I will never understand why his brother lied to me saying he was talking to no-one when he clearly is and then he just ignore my texts if that’s what he wanted me to do 🤦🏻‍♀️

Of course he will. This is what fuckboys do.

Yes that's the usual script. Ignoring you and then texting again when they think you'll be vulnerable to their advances. That's clearly why everyone is saying BLOCK. So you don't have to deal with his typical childish behaviour.

All the miseries on here are adamant it's his wife. Such bitterness makes me sad

Ok I’m getting ready to go to work so will try to keep this brief.

He responded to your measured and open text by telling you you are talking ‘crap’. That’s it. He has shown his hand.

Stop being such a soft-arse. Yes it’s nice to be tolerant and understanding and yes, we work at our relationships...but THIS? No.
It’s as plain as the nose on your face...he’s a waste of time and emotion for a loving, kind woman like you appear to be.

Don’t mug yourself for some twat who responds to your need for respect and validation by telling you you’re talking crap! Fuck that idiot off. Leave him to mummy. Run. Don’t look back.

His brother lied to you because your ex wanted him to.
Your ex has probably turned off read receipts for you.

P.s I really think you need to work on why you value yourself so little. Why you wrote a letter to him essentially apologising for having reasonable standards...and why you would sacrifice your future happiness and availability to meet a good man because this man is reportedly sad or something...not that you would actually know because the prick isn’t even talking to you.
You’re not a facility, a service, an accessory. You are right to expect more.

Does anyone ACTUALLY think he will one day turn round and message me out of the blue having ignored my messages for a week almost?

Yes, it's part of the game

Yup. A week isn't sufficient punishment.

You need to block him everywhere, if only for your own sanity. Prevent him from looking at your FB/insta stories. Prevent him from calling/messaging you. Just get him out of your life. He actively told you he doesn't love you but you are supposed to care that he is mentally unwell? So only you are expected to care for him, not vice versa. That is all kinds of fucked up. And given that it's only been 5 months, now is the time to block and move on. The longer you leave it the harder moving on will be.

You have a DS who will learn about relationships from you. If you show him that you'll take shit from a man just because you don't want to be alone, your DS will think that's the norm.

I've followed this from the beginning and was so happy when you broke it off with someone who very clearly has no respect for you. However, your recent posts really give off the air that you are co-dependent and enjoying the drama. Including the drama/validation of people telling you that of course he'll reply (and I agree that he'll reply eventually). Because otherwise you wouldn't keep asking 'do you really think he'll reply?', you would just block him. It doesn't matter if he replies - your standards should be such that he treated you poorly and you are moving on.

I think - if you really truly don't want to feel like this - need to ask yourself some hard questions.

• Why are you so invested in looking 'caring'? Caring people care for themselves too, you are conflating 'caring' with putting aside your own needs. That is not what being a caring person is.
• Why won't you block him?
• Why do you value yourself so poorly? Most women would have called it a day when their partner tells them they don't love them, in order to free themselves to find someone who does.
• Is this the kind of relationship you want to model to your DC?

I may have to drop off the thread soon as I suspect you are using it/us to feed the drama rather than help with an unhealthy situation (I have been through this kind of thing before with friends, and it is incredibly draining).

I truly hope you choose a healthier path and block someone who obviously drains your energy rather than energises you. This is energy that could be better spent on your DC.

Does anyone ACTUALLY think he will one day turn round and message me out of the blue having ignored my messages for a week almost?

Do you have sex with him? Then, yes, yes he will. Because he knows that he can have sex with a woman he has to put absolutely no effort into, who knows that he doesn't care for her and will likely drop her like a sticky shit the second a woman he does fancy (and who responds to what seems to be a very 'particular' brand of chatting up) comes into his life.

He is a charmless, unloveable mummy's boy. And he's using you until something better comes along. He won't want to go without easy sex for long. So, yeah, when he thinks he's punished you enough with his lies and his awful behaviour, he'll be in contact.

Unless he's already hooked another woman to humiliate. Which is possible.

I'm out now as I'm another one who suspects you are using this thread to fuel your own dramatic version of your life.

Thanks everyone for your responses to my thread
I’m signing off from this now ✌🏻

The last few posters have hit the nail on the head. I also think you'll probably be back to the thread, if only in a lurking sense, because you DO love the drama.
It's a perfect example of 'glutton for punishment'

Omg. Please listen to the posters in here saying to block him AND his brother. Please! Because his manipulation is blatantly obvious to everyone but you.
I cheered the first time you "broke up" with the man who said he didn't love you, then of course you "got back together" (you didn't get back together because this is not and was not a relationship )

He then ghosts you and treats you like absolute shit, manipulates his own brother into lying for him and got him to contac you, and obviously you fell for more of his game playing and chase him just as he expected.

Please MamaOl please start respecting yourself and just block this idiot NOW. Please. Because I'm 100% positive that when he unblocks you and messages you again, you'll message him back and go back to square one.
Back to A man who doesn't love you. NEVER HAS and never, never, never will 🤦🏻‍♀️

If you don't listen to us, many of whom have been in the same situation (who can see without cloudy vision what he is doing to you), then at least listen to your friends and family, who love you and want the best for you.

You seem like a really lovely person, very honest, very kind and caring... Don't let this snake steal that from you.

and this is why you block him

OP you are so lovely and you think everyone is like you. They are not. Some people are just awful. He is one of them.

Why is he keeping you dangling like this? Because you have sex with him. He has told you he doesn't love you, and you stayed.. And here you are trying to be nice to him. Why? Why would you think this relationship would work when everything is telling you it won't. You know it won't. You would rather be in an incredibly shit relationship than be single. That is worrying. You are scared of being alone and so instead choose to be in a dysfunctional relationship and whilst you are in it you are not looking at the potential to be in one with someone who is younger, has their own place, isn't dependent on Mummy and could love you.

You need to block him and his family on everything. Everything.

You need to write out a list of 4 reasons this relationship isn't working and keep looking at it. Number one is he doesn't love me.

Trust me I have been in shit relationships, then I met Dh and realised what a fucking idiot I had been begging to be loved with men who were useless arseholes. You are enough. Just not for him.

@sarah
You've nailed it!
I'd put ££ on her running straight back to this poor man in turmoil.

He got his brother to message you with a sob story to reel you back in, you took the bait so now he gets to ignore you. That was his plan, he wants you chasing after him so he can ignore you to hurt you for daring to get rid of him. There would be no point him ignoring you after you dumped him as you wouldn’t know. That’s what he’s done, on purpose to get the upper hand. It gives his ego a stroke and makes him feel in control again, then in future when he fancies a shag he can come crawling back to you and there’s no need for him to change anything about himself. It’s win win for him.

I had a bf like this at uni, I was 20, he was 31 (‘mature’ student). He did the whole hot/cold thing because I think he realised I wasn’t actually that into him, he did it to reel me in, make me wonder what was wrong with ME that he didn’t like me and would let me down last minute. It’s a game. It gets you questioning yourself and trying harder and harder to win them. Thing is, they’re not worth winning, if you listen to your feelings you’ll know that. It’s just that it’s a bit addictive trying to win their affections. I got dragged into something like that for 6m. He was an only child, living with parents but away at Uni but his mum controlled everything, or he used her as an excuse. I see him very occasionally on fb, he’s moved back with his mum after uni and has lots and lots of female friends but no wife, no kids, no commitments so obviously that was what he wanted. He’s 55 now. He gets what he wants from the arrangement, lots of women still trying to snare him. So pathetic.

OP how do you think people generally feel after break ups?
They are down, often want to be alone...and "they're not themselves". Exactly. My DD has recently split from her bf of 6 years and is really suffering, even though it was her decision. It's highly unusual for the person you split from to take on the role of the shoulder you cry on, so why are you oush8bg yourself forward like this? You are enjoying the drama I think and you sound incredibly naive. Focus on your child for a while.

*pushing yourself forward