His mum is an issue?

[MamaOl]

I’m 27 and my boyfriend is 42. We’ve been together officially for 5 months, been in each other’s lives for 7 months. We don’t live together, he lives with his mum and I live with my son in my own place.

I’m really conflicted, his Mum has never met me and she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to however I know no reasons as to why, as she doesn’t know me. My boyfriend can’t FaceTime me in the house, he has to go out to his car to FaceTime me, he doesn’t speak about me to her, he doesn’t love me even though I’ve told him I love him.
I’ve told him how much his actions about “hiding me away” about going out the house etc to call me but he doesn’t care.

Can I just get people's advice on what they think about this? I have my own opinion however I need outside perspective. Thanks x

So he can't even facetime you in his own bedroom?? He can't mention you to the person he lives with? What does he tell her when he comes to yours? When he stays the night?

I'm presuming you have mutual friends and go out near his home as you are adamant he's living with his mum? However, he's basically married to her and you're the ow.

But there are 2 issues here. 1. His mother has a major jealousy problem and he is controlled by that. This will NOT change. The more involved he gets with you, the more she will fight back - and win. How did this affect his previous relationships? Has he ever lived apart from her?

1. You love him, he doesn't love you.

He hides his phone from his mum?

Seriously?

Was he married and you're the OW or something?

Because something in this whole story is bullshit.

@Thingsdogetbetter She’s made it clear she doesn’t wanna hear about me, talk about me, see me etc. I honestly don’t know why 😢 I’ve sent things to ease tensions but never heard from her. He was in a 7.5 year relationship before me and she lived in Sheffield, so he’s always lived with his mum. He told me he didn’t love his ex either.

I'd say you could find someone better. At best, he is letting his mum decide how he lives his life. At 42 and living at home, he is not what I would want in a boyfriend, especially if I was only 27 and had most of my youth left.

Ok, so lets accept he DOES live with his Mum
Its still absolutely shite though isn't it? Hes a 42 year old man who cant stand up to his Mummy and doesn't love you anyway.

Again, I ask - why do you think this is all you are worth?

@hoppinggreen Yeah it is really rubbish. It’s upsetting that he doesn’t love me. I don’t really know the answer to that question, I guess it’s hard to leave him now after all this because I want to believe if he eventually lives with me and my son, it will change once he’s away from his mum? If that makes sense?

Why are you bothering OP ?

Move on, this isn't working.

Why are you even bothering? He doesn’t love you, he’s a colossal man child, there’s nothing good about this.

He's a mummy's boy. Mummy will always come first. They're already in a 'relationship' you will have a lifetime of utter misery

Why does he not have his own place?

There is domething that he is not telling you, something that his mum does know. His friends and family are not going to rat him out so you really need to discover this yourself. His story just does not add up. You are missing information.

Even accepting everything you are saying unquestioning - you need to move on.
There's a 15 yr age gap - which is not an issue on its own, but combined with the fact that his mother is dicating who he can talk to is at best odd.
You have a child and your own place, he lives with his mum
You have told him you love him, he hasn't and allows someone else to restrict when he can talk to you.

You are too nice and giving this guy way too much credit. His actions are more important than his words and nothing in his actions is putting you in a place of importance in his life.

If he’s told you he doesn’t love you that’s the issue to tackle not the issue with his mum.

, I guess it’s hard to leave him now after all this because I want to believe if he eventually lives with me and my son, it will change once he’s away from his mum? If that makes sense?

Bloody hell, don't ever shack up with a man with the idea that he will change. He won't and it's not fair.

Why are you giving this relationship any time OP? You are wasting it with this man child. A 42 year old man who is so tied to Mummys apron strings that he won't even call you when she's home. His Mum has a perfect companion in him and doesn't want you to take him away. That is never going to work out.

On top of that the major point that he doesn't love you.

@sillysmiles Thank you 💛

'Hes a 42 year old man who cant stand up to his Mummy and doesn't love you anyway.'

Why on Earth do you entertain this?

@LemonBreeland Yeah, you’ve hit the nail on the head there to be honest. X

He doesn’t love you.

He lives with his mum who refuses to have anything to do with you. You are 15 years younger than him and you have a child.

OP why? Why do you want this man? How could you even consider moving this man in with your child who you’ve known for 7 months, been dating for 4, and who doesn’t have any emotional attachment to you and lives at home like a naughty boy?

I’m sorry OP but you come across as desperate. It sounds harsh but there you go, and I bet there’s not one person reading this thread that doesn’t agree, even if they wouldn’t be so cruel as to say it.

' I guess it’s hard to leave him now after all this'

You haven't got to 'leave him' though really have you?

He isn't going to move in with you though and frankly for the sake of your son that's probably a good thing.
He isn't going to wake up one morning and become a completely different person, he has told you he doesn't love you and he wont stand up to his Mum, its really hard to understand why you are still bothering with him, its only been a few months after all
You are young, you have a home of your own you can do so much better than a 42 year old mummys boy who doesn't love you.
A shit relationship isn't better than being single

7 months is not long, cut your losses and get out now for all the reasons already mentioned.

Tbh, it’s possibly an even worse scenario (for you) if he really isn’t married and lives with his mum. Seriously, you deserve so much better.

Look at what you’ve told us.

my boyfriend is 42... he lives with his mum

Unless either (a) it’s a very temporary situation while he gets back in his feet after the break up of a relationship etc or (b) his mum requires care from a live in carer - and he’s taken on that role, this is the sort of living arrangement you should automatically be suspicious of. Few 42 year olds want to live with their mum, unless they have to.

She’s made it clear she doesn’t wanna hear about me, talk about me, see me etc.

2 issues here:

1. Normally, a 42 year old would not put up with that crap from his mother. He’s entitled to have relationships. Would you put up with this from your mum? He’s 42, not 5.

1. Only a complete nightmare would behave like this towards their adult son. Even if the son had proper boundaries in place, you’d be setting yourself up for misery in dealing with that.

He was in a 7.5 year relationship before me and she lived in Sheffield, so he’s always lived with his mum.

So he’s got a long history of failing to commit. He’s not going to change, is he?

He told me he didn’t love his ex either.

He told you that he was with someone for the best part of a decade and he didn’t love her? Surely he’d be ashamed of that.

He is explicitly telling you that he does not and will not ever love you. He doesn’t even want to love you.

Do you not think you deserve better?

I’ve told him how much his actions about “hiding me away” about going out the house etc to call me but he doesn’t care.

He doesn’t care about how any of this affects you. The fact is, he just doesn’t care.

That’s awful.

Honestly, the best advice I can give you is to dump this callous loser and get yourself some counselling to work on your self esteem and expectations in a relationship.

You can do much better than this. You deserve much better than this.
Your child deserves better than you settling for this.

Being single is much, much better than this.

Leave him to his unhealthy relationship with his mother and get on with your life.

I think you need to really work on your self confidence, why are you putting up with this? He sounds like he has nothing going for him, cold and a mummy’s boy. Put your child and yourself first, get rid of him and find someone worthy of you both. Or don’t find someone, just get yourself in a position you can be happy!

His mum isn’t the issue, he is and your refusal to accept that this is who he is, is.

Move on already,

Thanks everyone for your replies, however due to a comment just now where I’m being insulted, I don’t wish to comment any further. That’s not why I started this thread, I don’t want to be insulted.