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Original poster

His mum is an issue?

348 replies

MamaOl · 14/05/2020 09:19

I’m 27 and my boyfriend is 42. We’ve been together officially for 5 months, been in each other’s lives for 7 months. We don’t live together, he lives with his mum and I live with my son in my own place.

I’m really conflicted, his Mum has never met me and she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to however I know no reasons as to why, as she doesn’t know me. My boyfriend can’t FaceTime me in the house, he has to go out to his car to FaceTime me, he doesn’t speak about me to her, he doesn’t love me even though I’ve told him I love him.
I’ve told him how much his actions about “hiding me away” about going out the house etc to call me but he doesn’t care.

Can I just get people's advice on what they think about this? I have my own opinion however I need outside perspective. Thanks x

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 14/05/2020 14:28

He sounds like a complete fucking weirdo...who didn't fall far from the weirdo tree.

Do you really want to have more kids with him, who may take after that? Can you imagine your life? Your existing child's life?

Run woman, and just thank your lucky stars his mother was still alive to serve as a warning practically emblazoned in blinking lights.

Campurp · 14/05/2020 14:40

This sounds very ‘Norman Bates’ ish.... strange. I would leave him to it. 7 months isn’t a long time and he’s already said he doesn’t love you. Move on

Aquamarine1029 · 14/05/2020 15:02

Thank god you are smart enough to dump this absolute loser. There is literally not one appealing thing about him.

EmptyOrchestra · 14/05/2020 15:09

Ditch Norman and Nora. ASAP.

CorianderLord · 14/05/2020 15:25

Probably because you're so young. She probably sees you as a gold digger or like you're looking for any man to be a father to your child and her 'poor boy' got roped into it. Or she's worried you're going to steal him away.

He's a middle aged mamas boy and is unlikely to change.

GinGinHooray · 14/05/2020 15:30

42 year old living with his mum....no thanks!

HopeYouStepOnALego · 14/05/2020 15:34

He's 42 and lives with him mum. His mum is probably the reason he's still single at 42!

If he's said he doesn't love you, and isn't prepared to stand up to his mother to be able to do simple things like facetime you indoors, then he's really not worth the bother. If his mother acts like this while you're dating, think what a nightmare she'd probably be if you lived together or had kids. Move on and find a man who deserves you. Life's too short for this sort of shit.

Babdoc · 14/05/2020 15:41

I was going to ask if his mum runs a Motel, but I see PPs got there before me! Grin
Honestly OP, why on earth are you wasting any more time with this loser? He’s already spelled out that he doesn’t love you. That’s the deal breaker right there, before you even get to his mummy fetish, failure to commit, failure to grow up, etc etc.
Please work on your self esteem. You deserve a partner who loves you. For goodness’ sake, don’t make yourself miserable for the rest of your life with this man - you’ve wasted 7 months already, don’t waste another minute.

TorkTorkBam · 14/05/2020 17:32

You were his bit of young totty on the side to amuse him until he found someone better or you got bored of his shit.

His mum probably doesn't even know you exist and if she does then he will have played it as you being a nobody because that's what you truly were to him.

Usually people only tell their parents if it is getting serious. He was never getting serious with you.

Zaphodsotherhead · 14/05/2020 17:36

I bet his mum has got one of her friend's daughters lined up to be his wife - that way she can keep control over the family and she knows the entire background of her future DIL. The poor girl is probably about 17 and has never dated anyone before...

Eslteacher06 · 14/05/2020 18:13

How do you know he didn't care?

He probably was blindsided. But that's not the point. If a guy says he doesn't love you...drop him. You don't need that negativity in your life!

AnotherElle · 14/05/2020 18:24

What was his response to your message that made you think he doesn't care?

Blondebakingmumma · 15/05/2020 04:41

Well done OP. Hopefully when given time you will see that this was the best decision as you really deserve someone who is open to a loving relationship

MashedSpud · 15/05/2020 05:02

Well done for ending it.

I think his love for mummy is so great he can never imagine loving anyone else.

His mother sounds like Norma Bates and he sounds like a very passive Timothy Lumsden. At least Timothy wanted to escape his overbearing mother’s clutches.

Alittleshortforaspacepooper · 15/05/2020 05:18

@MamaOl oh my goodness, you have SO done the right thing! That guy is a fucking loser and you can, and will, do so much better.

FWIW he may well care quite a lot that you've left him but is just trying to hide it. He's a big important man and you've wounded his pride by refusing to take his shit any longer.

Mangofandangoo · 15/05/2020 05:40

What has loving you got to do with his mum?

I'd get out of that situation right now

Original poster
MamaOl · 17/05/2020 08:15

@SporadicNamechange He messaged me back and we ended up on a FaceTime call where we had a lengthy chat about everything I had mentioned in my original post on here, and he agreed to compromise on things if I changed things too. I agreed, but sadly I’ve been really stupid because absolutely nothing has changed at all even within this short amount of time and now I kinda feel like I don’t know how to get out of it again because I don’t want to look like a b*tch. But he’s ignoring what I’m saying in regards to my feelings, instead he sent me a “funny” video on WhatsApp. He then stayed up until 2/3am this morning on messenger as he does every night but he says it’s not what I think it is. It’s quite clear to me he doesn’t care and I’m not a priority or important in his life, I have realised that. However I just don’t know what to do now because I don’t want to look bad.

That’s another thing, he keeps telling me I’m making him out to be a bad person and saying I’m saying he’ll forever be a bad person cause nothing will change 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/05/2020 08:24

"However I just don’t know what to do now because I don’t want to look bad".

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. What sort of an example were you shown?

Why does you not wanting to look bad (whatever that means) have any sort of importance here?. He does not give a monkeys how you feel and never has. What you will have to ask yourself are some awkward questions, namely how did you end up back at Square 1 with him again?. And now you're going to have to dump him again.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/05/2020 08:32

Why do you think this is all you are worth?

Original poster
MamaOl · 17/05/2020 08:33

@AttilaTheMeerkat I never said anything about getting back together, he’s assumed we have. I mean yeah I guess we are back together and I know I’m stupid so I don’t need to be told that anymore than I already know. All I’ve ever wanted is relationships is to be in one, I don’t want to be alone, truthfully. Ugh. I know.

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaOl · 17/05/2020 08:34

@AttilaTheMeerkat I don’t know 😣

OP posts:
JonbonMoany · 17/05/2020 08:36

Block him. He isn't worth your time. Take some time for you and learn to love yourself!

0DETTE · 17/05/2020 08:40

That’s another thing, he keeps telling me I’m making him out to be a bad person and saying I’m saying he’ll forever be a bad person cause nothing will change 🤦🏻‍♀️

He’s right, nothing will change. Because you are not compatible.

He wants a casual relationship and to go on living with his mum ( I’m going by his behaviour and not his words ).

You want a live in committed partner who loves you.

Neither of you are bad people, you just want different things in life.

He will NOT change. At 42 he’s as mature and grown up as he ever will be.

Do you want to spend the next 7 years waiting for him to commit, like the last women did ?

You don’t need his agreement to end it.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/05/2020 08:42

Can you not tell him he has assumed wrongly then block him on all channels?. You do not have to be back together at all because he assumes you now are. Being on your own is far better than the few tiny crumbs he tosses in your direction when he feels like contacting you. And I have not even mentioned his mother yet.

Re your comment:-
"All I’ve ever wanted is relationships is to be in one, I don’t want to be alone, truthfully"

How did all this start with you?. What happened to make you think like this?. Would you want your child to grow up with this mindset as well, in all likelihood no you do not.

Original poster
MamaOl · 17/05/2020 08:46

Okay so I have just messaged him this and I think it sounds pretty amicable?...

Look, I want a committed relationship with someone who wants to live with me, love me & build a future with me. However you just want a casual relationship with nourishment and keep living with your mum. It’s fine because that’s who you are and it’s what you want, you’re 42 so nothing is going to change, it’s fine, but it’s not what I want, we want different things and that’s okay! At least we know that now x

however I know he will not take this how it is meant and will probably send a childish answer back 🙄

OP posts:
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