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Original poster

Can we talk about not seeing partners during lockdown

324 replies

SenselessUbiquity · 26/04/2020 13:16

I think there was a thread about this, but I can't find it.

I'm struggling. I've lost my job, my ex is an arse, my children are brilliant but tiring. My boyfriend is a kind, funny, interesting man whom I fancy the pants off and seeing him (and being in bed with him) is the one really truly feel-good thing I had in a life that can get pretty tiring and can feel very groundhog day, even back when we were allowed in theory to do all sorts of things.

I'm struggling. It's hard.

Please can I ask: is everyone honestly following the rules? And if you are (we have) are you going to continue to do so, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many times they extend the lock down?

OP posts:
LockdownLoopy · 26/04/2020 13:22

I'm with you on this one. I last saw my boyfriend on mothers day, it's really hard being apart for so long, we're in a LDR anyway and not knowing when we'll be able to see each other next is really hard, I miss him immensely, he's a stickler for the rules and so am I so we won't be breaking the lockdown. However tempting it is.

I'm at home with my 2 girls and it's been hard work and like you I really miss that part of my life where someone is there for me, especially when they're amazing, interesting, gorgeous and loving.

Flyingplum · 26/04/2020 13:31

It's my birthday today and we caved a bit yesterday and spent a couple of hours sitting 2m apart in the sunshine having a chat in person. First time since before lockdown - with anyone actually - and i was in such a good mood afterwards. i was buzzing. my brain felt SO stimulated. I wasn't coping very well last weekend and this has given me a bit of hope. I read this morning a guy at UEA saying that based on the current death rate, these measures should really stay in place for 2 more months, which I think I'm really going to struggle with. I really hope it's not that long.

Doingitaloneandproud · 26/04/2020 14:27

I've been struggling and he's driven over twice on his way home from work to stand at the end of the drive and say hi, that was so good! Haven't broke. The rules yet but I've said if there's no lifting of restrictions for partners separated/families etc on May 7th then I will be breaking it to see him

Chasingsquirrels · 26/04/2020 14:37

I'm not seeing mine.
I have FELT like doing so, but don't intend to act on this.
I'm also not sure where that leaves us once the regulations start to be relaxed.
The chance of infection is not going go be zero. Assuming my children are back at school at some point, and travelling on school buses / public transport then their risk of becoming carriers, and spreading to me & my bloke, who then go on to spread in other circles (particularly him as he is going out to work, albeit in limited contact with others) is not zero.
Likewise the possibility of him spreading it to us.
Then there is that fact that my children live between two households, widening the circles, with another school age child in their other household.
And my >70's parents who we also miss.

I'm just not seeing the medium term and game at the moment.

Elieza · 26/04/2020 14:54

This is going to end up a thread for people wanting others to justify breaking the rules.

The rules are there to keep us safe. Even if we can twist them to make it seem like it is ok to do whatever we think reasonable, we should not push the boundaries.

We should not break the rules or it will take longer to get into a lighter lockdown where we can meet limited people in whatever circs they say are ok.

We are at war with a killer virus.
People can’t just pop round to the boyfriend/girlfriends house for a cuddle. Or visit parents or relatives or friends.

It’s hard. We must hold fast so we can support the workers who are risking their lives. I know three people who have died of CV. It’s very real and very dangerous.

whatstheisyoo · 26/04/2020 14:59

Yes, following the rules and will continue to do so for as long as it takes. My conscience will be clear.

Musti · 26/04/2020 15:01

Yeah, it's tough for us all. And no, don't break the rules because then this whole exercise is pointless. Everyone has someone they would love to spend time with. I have a friend who hasn't seen her children since lockdown because she's a key worker. Use the phone like many of us have to and hopefully we'll all be able to see everyone we love much sooner

Windmillwhirl · 26/04/2020 15:02

I have met my dp for walks only. I miss the intimacy a lot. By the time we can do the deed again its going to feel like my first time with him as we were only together 7 months when lockdown started Grin

HarrietOh · 26/04/2020 15:02

I’m going to move in with mine this week as it’s become clear me driving home to feed cat a couple times a week will be fine. We’ve both been completely alone WFH but I didn’t move at start of lockdown due to thinking you weren’t allowed to drive anywhere.
5 weeks on my own has took its toll, and I can’t wait to be around a human being again!

Elieza · 26/04/2020 15:12

Harriet - you only feed your cat a couple of times a week, eh? Hmm

HarrietOh · 26/04/2020 15:15

Yeah 2-3 times, I’ve got an automated cat feeder as I’m not usually at home much in “normal” times!

Stronger76 · 26/04/2020 15:59

Mine lives in the same village. He came round and sat in the garden at least 2m away from me yesterday. I'm really struggling being on my own with kids who have little contact with their dad, it would have been so easy just to go in for a cuddle - apart from groceries and exercise we are both wfh and not interacting with anyone.

Morons meeting in the park, chatting in the supermarket, a fucking street party in the next street yesterday afternoon will only extend the lockdown. My MH is bottoming out but its the right thing to do.

Elieza · 26/04/2020 16:34

Harriet - I don’t think it’s fair to have a cat and leave it alone for five days a week while you live elsewhere.

Not much of a life for it if it’s a house cat?

An automatic dm feeder is handy but shouldn’t replace you?

What if cat gets unwell? It could be in agony for days without veterinary treatment.

If you don’t want the cat why not rehome it after CV. Sounds like you don’t really love it.

AlternativePerspective · 26/04/2020 16:41

Ah,another one who only feeds the cat a couple of times a week,Hmm or is this the same poster as on another thread?

DP lives 120 miles away so we generally only see each other at weekends. Not seen each other since the 10th of March though and have no idea when we might see each other again.

Definitely sticking to the rules though. I am shielding anyway due to a heart condition so if I catch it then things are likely to not turn out well.

Rather not see each other for a while than never again....

LunariaAlba · 26/04/2020 16:45

I'm not seeing my DP as he's older than me with health conditions and I don't want to kill him.
I suppose with this virus in reality it could kill either of us. Or my children.
It's not worth the risk.

okiedokieme · 26/04/2020 16:47

I'm staying with him, we live a long way apart so me working from home has been an opportunity to be together. Feel sorry for those of you that couldn't organise to be together. I would worry too much about him if I wasn't here

PipersOrange · 26/04/2020 16:52

My DP lives in Singapore Sad I'm coming to the terms that I probably won't see him this year....

Venusflytart · 26/04/2020 17:12

I've not seen him for over five weeks now, and we live 30 minutes apart. We are both living alone, no underlying health conditions and both working from home. We have not met with anyone, so have practically been self-isolating, only going out for exercise, food, and giving blood (me). We'd like to be able to say that we stuck to the rules and did not contribute to the spread of COVID-19.

HOWEVER, I cannot shake the impression that the rule that people in a LAT relationship (living apart together) are not supposed to see each other at all OR should have moved in on 24 March is somehow reflecting the notion that a LAT-relationship is somehow less than people living together. I come from a more relaxed culture when it comes to relationships and a LAT-relationship is normal, and can even be the case for people who are married.

I am happy to stick to the rules as long as they apply to everyone. If the (bizarrely incompetent) UK government decides to apply the rules only to people, e.g., by allowing ONLY younger people (

HarrietOh · 26/04/2020 17:13

I guess. My cat is normally left alone a lot anyway with me working full time, staying with DP on weekends etc. She’s always been very anti-social bless her, she only ever liked me and ex-H she gets aggressive around other people so even when I’m on holiday a friend has to run in and out to feed her!
I could stay here on my own. I’m just massively struggling now being on my own. Hard when everyone you know is complaining about being at home with families. I face time etc but often find it harder afterwards as everyone is at home with their families IYSWIM.
It’s hard isn’t it.

HarrietOh · 26/04/2020 17:17

Agree Venus if the government would give us an idea it would help. If they relax some but say households still can’t mix, they really need to think about people completely alone right now. It’s same with me and DP both completely alone, young and fit, WFH. It’s extremely low risk.

category12 · 26/04/2020 17:25

I think you should visit your cat everyday, HarrietOh. Someone could report you for neglecting it - I would if I was a neighbour of yours. You've a responsibility to it.

Venusflytart · 26/04/2020 17:25

BTW, Senseless, the earlier thread you referred to can be found here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3883975-People-separated-from-partners-in-quarantine-how-are-you-coping

I was planning to post in that thead, but forgot about it.

Venusflytart · 26/04/2020 17:31

Ok, sorry for spreading out my thoughts across different messages, but I wanted to say that I have the same experience as HarrietOh. All my colleagues are WFH with children and my twitter is full of fellow academics slating off all those who do not have caring responsibilities for small children, accusing us of trying to get ahead in work, etc.

I understand it is ridiculously difficult to be WFH and to have to home-school your children, but what about the hugs and joy that us lonely souls are missing out on as well? A lot of us are struggling but daren't say anything as we are supposed to the the 'lucky ones'. Ok, I'll stop moaning and do something more constructive.

(And my sourdough starter failed as well;-) )

Trumpspeach · 26/04/2020 17:31

I haven't seen my chap for six weeks now - we live 30 minutes apart. It's really hard and I have seriously thought about nipping over but i'm not going to. It's only a few weeks in the grand scheme of things I keep telling myself

HarrietOh · 26/04/2020 17:33

She’s certainly not neglected. When I go on holiday someone can only pop in every 3 days because she will attack them, so they have to kind of run in, lock themselves in to sort feeder etc, then run out. This way I would actually come home and be around her for a while. Would visiting her everyday be allowed though? I know it’s low risk me driving myself about but I didn’t think I could do that, which is why I’ve been on my own. I have cameras inside my home for when I’m away at weekends and at work to see her sleeping.

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