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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can we talk about not seeing partners during lockdown

324 replies

SenselessUbiquity · 26/04/2020 13:16

I think there was a thread about this, but I can't find it.

I'm struggling. I've lost my job, my ex is an arse, my children are brilliant but tiring. My boyfriend is a kind, funny, interesting man whom I fancy the pants off and seeing him (and being in bed with him) is the one really truly feel-good thing I had in a life that can get pretty tiring and can feel very groundhog day, even back when we were allowed in theory to do all sorts of things.

I'm struggling. It's hard.

Please can I ask: is everyone honestly following the rules? And if you are (we have) are you going to continue to do so, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many times they extend the lock down?

OP posts:
chocolatecupcakefan · 04/06/2020 05:32

I totally understand. I’m in the same situation, long distance and haven’t seen him for almost 3 months too and I’m finding it incredibly hard. 😕

HugeAckmansWife · 04/06/2020 07:11

I've seen dp about 3 times for a couple if days / nights at a time when my kids are, away, both pretty minimal contact with anyone else. I do think it's starting to affect us. I've got little to say to him on text or skype.. We're not going anywhere, doing anything, can't really plan anything. It's becoming very dull.

VivaVegas · 04/06/2020 09:50

Me too, earlyish in a relationship, the first after STBEH of 20 years had an affair and left. Made me feel so good, got on well, had fun, enjoyed each other's company.
Long distance too so cant just meet up for a walk or picnic.
I wanted to go to his this weekend but he's worried I'll get into troubles (ex is always looking for reasons to cause trouble).
It's hard keeping things going and I find it so wrong that I cannot see him yet ex moved his affair partner in just before lockdown which has caused me no end of agro as DC have then refused to go to his as she is there. Aghhhhhh

LockdownLoopy · 04/06/2020 16:24

Thanks for replying everyone. Seems a lot of us are in the same boat, I thought I was doing OK but as the weeks are ticking by with not even an sniff of when we'll be able to see each other it's getting harder and harder. I don't like lessening his feelings but I do feel like he copes with it better than me as he's done a Long Distance thing before where they didn't see each other for many many months. This is all new to me, and I'm just worried the physical distance will ultimately ruin what we have, because like you said there is no planning, none of us are doing anything fun to talk about and it all just feels so bleak and not even like a relationship :(

I'm so glad it's not just me as sometimes I feel irrational and unreasonable

chocolatecupcakefan · 04/06/2020 18:32

I get what you mean re that your other half copes with it better. It’s the same here too - just don’t know how he does it. And like you, sometimes I feel irrational too. I suppose the way I cope with it is that as a day goes past, then it’s a day closer to when I’ll next see him again.

HugeAckmansWife · 06/06/2020 07:27

Well I'm pretty close to ending things. Kids away in a couple of weekends time and he's not sure about coming over again because of the recent rule change about staying overnight / being inside someone's property. We're both v low risk and not in circulation (wfh). If he doesn't value time with me enough to 'risk' breaking the rule then I'm not sure I can be arsed. Other things that have been niggling at me are getting worse too. I'm noticing his ignorance on certain things, he mansplains a lot, his selfishness with his time.. He'll often not text until 11pm saying he was doing chores or exercise straight after dinner.. Can't find 30 secs to send a text? Hmm. I don't want to end it, I'm a single parent and he's my one thing that isn't about the kids (he's v much not into step parenting but I'm fine with that) but I'm spending more time being pissed off than not these days 🤔

AllMouthandTrousers · 06/06/2020 07:33

I've seen mine; he lives alone and is working from home, risk is absolutely minimal. I havent been to a supermarket, used public transport or done anything like - 'the rules' are bs and i say this after ten yrs in a job that involved disease control.

userxx · 06/06/2020 07:40

@HugeAckmansWife Don't waste your time, he's doesn't sound into the relationship at all and is making excuses.

HugeAckmansWife · 06/06/2020 07:57

He makes very grand gestures, actually very OTT. He'll come round and do lots of incredibly helpful practical things, buy me random gifts etc but then spend 30 mins finding a parking place that's 40p cheaper than the one nearer town. On my birthday and xmas he goes 'off list' and does buy thoughtful things but not what I actually wanted. It's like he thinks he knows better than I do. My friends all think he's amazing and on a sort of surface level he is but I know I don't want to be with him forever, so I should end it. But... Having been left as a SP when ex went off with OW, being single is scary and depressing.

userxx · 06/06/2020 08:31

being single is scary and depressing.

You need to change your mindset. I was single for 10 years by choice and loved it for the majority of the time. Being in a relationship with the wring person makes me feel depressed, I just couldn't be arsed. Life is way too short to settle.

HugeAckmansWife · 06/06/2020 09:54

I don't disagree. He's not around all that much at the best of times and after the upheaval of divorce I doubt I'll ever go for a full on cohabiting relationship as I'm. I like my independence, but I also like having someone to go away with, spend kid free weekend with. Oh well.

Medstudent12 · 06/06/2020 17:03

Is everyone just seeing partners now? I don’t know what to do! Also I’m scared my housemate will report me to the police or my job!

HugeAckmansWife · 06/06/2020 18:42

My present issue aside, I'd say. With no end in sight, this situation could go on for months and it's really not feasible, or proportionate to the risk involved to stop two adults who are not wildly mingling with lots of people and who are observing SD when out and about to not maintain a proper and close relationship. It's not just about sex, but closeness.

PrincessButtercuppp · 06/06/2020 19:26

It is now ridiculous and has not been even remotely discussed by government. People are protesting in the streets, even the police themselves were stood right next to each other too close and no masks on, the schools are back, the beaches are full yet many of us who can't see partners are essentially isolated, working from home wanting to see someone else who is also isolated and working from home also....it's gone beyond now I feel and if the government won't even address it. what can we do? But they made it a criminal offence!

Mabelface · 06/06/2020 19:54

I'm going to spend next Saturday night with mine. Fuck it, this could go on for months.

Catastrophik · 06/06/2020 20:02

I’m in the same boat!
Been with my boyfriend a couple of years now but not seen him for 3 months. He lives 400 odd miles away and it’s his 21st in 2 weeks, I’d planned a massive surprise and it’s all being ruined and I can’t even see him.

We’re both revising as in the middle of exams and it’s so shit. I feel like life isn’t worth it

YummyVeggie · 06/06/2020 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notrightbutok · 07/06/2020 22:53

Think I already commented up thread but I'm seeing seeing DP EOW. We are both key workers, not in caring roles, my kids go to their dad's, he's still working. Their dad is taking them round to visit his friends. No point in me living like a nun. The new law can't be enforced, are police going to come round to inspect bedsheets?

Notrightbutok · 07/06/2020 22:56

But they made it a criminal offence!
The police spokesperson where I live made a statement asking people not to contact them about groups of kids meeting in one of the local parks so they're hardly going to knock on doors to arrest couples. Are couples allowed to cuddle and indulge in foreplay? It's madness.

HugeAckmansWife · 08/06/2020 07:39

Not right. No, obviously not as you're still not allowed with 2m of anyone not from your household. These groups of 6, meeting outdoors still have to maintain SD. I have been seeing (and staying with) my partner too but he's got all nervous and twitchy now following this change despite the fact that it's abundantly clear the police are not going to care about this.

AlanAlAl · 08/06/2020 10:17

I miss my guy and its killing me! We met at work, I've been on furlough since forever and he's still working. Even while at work we weren't all touchy feely but we just love being in eachothers company.

We are a very affectionate couple and our sex life was amazing! We have met a few times since the lockdown eased a little bit and its made us both feel better, a little bit. I just want a cuddle.

Being apart has made us realise how much we love eachother, we've said we are going to get our own place when lockdown is done and I'm back at work. Then he completely surprised me and said he wants to marry me 😄

I miss him, I miss being close and intimate. I feel like part of me is missing.
This situation is shit!

PrincessButtercuppp · 10/06/2020 18:31

I was completely taken by surprise with the briefing tonight!! Excellent news! Was this starting on Saturday?

cosmicbabe · 10/06/2020 22:09

Well you're all good to go now. Enjoy everybody!! Xx

carlywurly · 10/06/2020 22:16

Hooray for a weekend away this weekend Smile

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