What do you do when someone you adored gets back in touch randomly?!

[MustardScreams]

Backstory: guy I’ve known for 14 years. Always had a spark, but never the right time. Cliche!

We lost touch a couple of years ago. I think he blocked me! I’m guessing he met someone and didn’t know how to tell me.

He’s messaged tonight saying he wants to go for a drink tomorrow. Now, usually I would ABSOLUTELY say “not a chance son, you’re a twat.” But he’s not. And I miss him. And I want to know what happened!!

If you're up for being dropped like a stone again the minute a better offer comes along, then off you go.

You say ‘Who is this?’, obviously.

Unless he hurt you or rejected you in the past there's no harm replying but you need to make him work a bit. I would reply totally normally ( make no reference to the long absence) tomorrow 'Hi! That would have been lovely but I wasn't free'. Let him ask you for another date next weekend.

@FramingDevice oh I did. And then he replied and here we are.

If you were actually dating the first time around and he dropped off that's different. No second chances

Fuck him OP (not literally). Your dignity is worth more.

Oh. Well, I’d be unavailable for several weeks, if not permanently. Unless you’re happy with being his default injection of adoration when he’s single.

You certainly can't make yourself available tomorrow, just because he says so. Just say "sorry, I'm not free. Another time?" If he arranged another time, then maybe, but don't jump into his arms (or bed!)

We weren’t ever dating. Just heading that way. I was only thinking of him the other day and wondering how to get in touch.

The ridiculous side of my brain thinks ‘fate’! Which doesn’t exist. But you know.

I’d reply ‘why?’

If you want a chance of a meaningful long term relationship play it slow and don’t sleep with him if you go.

If you want to find out how keen he is tell him unfortunately you have plans for that night and would he be available (whatever) night instead? Or suggest an afternoon for coffee? If he says no then you know he was just going to use you.

Your definition of not a twat differs from mine. Someone who blocks me for no apparent reason and then pops up a couple of years later = twat.

Oh he’s definitely a twat and I was furious with him for such a long time. It was a fucking awful way to treat me.

But I’m curious as to a) why he’s got in touch and b) wtf happened!

Well if you’re a former friend of mine, you meet up, have an affair, both dump your spouses and children and then run off to the other end of the country to live happily ever after...

In most people’s worlds, you test things out and see where it goes, assuming there are no significant others involved.

Maybe he just fancies a shag, and thinks you're the perfect person (mug)?

Oh don't play stupid games just meet him if you want to and ask what happened

Why not ask him via text why he was unavailable for last couple of years...

Yeah no games here. I’m far too battle worn for that shite. It just stunned me and I don’t have anyone to ask for opinions at this time of night.

So he blocked you and you didn’t have any contact for 2 years, but then you have to drop everything and go out with him tomorrow out of the blue?? He might fancy you, but he doesn’t sound like he respects you much.

Personally I’d be saying you’re not sure it’s a good idea as he cut contact for so long. Let him explain a bit.

I would ignore his not message for a few days so he knows you don’t jump every time he clicks his fingers. I would then reply something like “ohh sorry I just saw this had a busy few days. Are you free on such a date? (Ensure the date is at least another week away)”. You deserve better than someone who dumps you then tries to pick you up when it suits them so make it clear you won’t entertain that nonsense.

Going against the flow here but since you have already postponed the 'date' once (if I've read your post correctly OP), I'd go for it. If his explanation about the blocking isn't adequate or if you aren't convinced by his current sincerity then you can just wave him goodbye. But you are feeling cautious, you are aware that he needs to make up for past behaviour, you are a grown up... what's to lose? Gather ye rosebuds while ye may I reckon.

Ok so I should have posted at the first message because I’ve organised drinks with him tomorrow.

In my defence!! He was one of my closest friends for 14 years! And I really do miss him. In my (clearly stupid) head I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt and not jumping through hoops?! Gah

Are you in a calm and peaceful stage of your life right now?

If you are, hang on to it tightly and don’t risk losing it by bringing drama into your life. You will regret it.

There’s nothing ‘game-playing’ about having strong boundaries and making it clear to this idiot that the OP will see him on her terms, if at all. Quite apart from anything else, it will weed out the possibility he wants to see her at no notice tomorrow for a quick,no-strings-attached shag.

Now, usually I would ABSOLUTELY say “not a chance son, you’re a twat.” But he’s not.

Yes he is. You'd have to have poor self respect to go out with him. I'd either ignore, or reply asking him why he disappeared for two years and why he now wants to meet up.