What do you do when someone you adored gets back in touch randomly?!

[MustardScreams]

Backstory: guy I’ve known for 14 years. Always had a spark, but never the right time. Cliche!

We lost touch a couple of years ago. I think he blocked me! I’m guessing he met someone and didn’t know how to tell me.

He’s messaged tonight saying he wants to go for a drink tomorrow. Now, usually I would ABSOLUTELY say “not a chance son, you’re a twat.” But he’s not. And I miss him. And I want to know what happened!!

Glad for you, OP.

Good call, OP. You’re worth more than being someone’s shoulder to cry on/temporary Mummy. Stay strong.

Good for you. I think you've made the right decision

It can be really easy to fall into "rescue" mode, and set about doing all sorts of emotional triage when someone comes to you as a fragile baby bird with a broken wing. The unspoken deal you're striking is "I will pour my love and support into you, and in return, you will heal and become the perfect partner, full of respect and gratitude for everything I've done, and love me for ever".

It's essentially all the same emotions that made car boot sale/house buying/antique TV so popular in the 00s - the prospect of finding a treasure that everyone else had overlooked, but that only needed some TLC to become a valuable investment.

But that's not how humans work. You can pour your love and effort into someone, only to have them leave you for someone else, or dump you because they feel better now and don't need you any more, or turn out to have been a dickhead all along, or a million other reasons.

I'm not saying that you should never see him again, but think hard about what you're walking into - another broken dude, who just needs the love of a good woman to fix him. And think about what you're unconsciously expecting in return for all your hard work and emotional labour.

@MustardScreams I think you are right to be careful with your heart. You clearly do still adore this man. If you just take things slow - I strongly believe that what’s meant to be will be.

If he is truly right for you it will work out. Whether that is in a month or a year.