What do you do when someone you adored gets back in touch randomly?!

[MustardScreams]

Backstory: guy I’ve known for 14 years. Always had a spark, but never the right time. Cliche!

We lost touch a couple of years ago. I think he blocked me! I’m guessing he met someone and didn’t know how to tell me.

He’s messaged tonight saying he wants to go for a drink tomorrow. Now, usually I would ABSOLUTELY say “not a chance son, you’re a twat.” But he’s not. And I miss him. And I want to know what happened!!

[aroundtheworldyet]

I have no doubt that he blocked you because he psycho girlfriend made him. And now they’ve split up he’s back. Be wary of someone who would dump you of their life so easily. And be very wary if he says his ex was a psycho

[burnoutbabe]

I'd postpone for today for sometime next week.
I'd suspect a late Saturday night message for a drink the next day is just a booty call, to be repealed the next day when sober.
So say something has come up (kids etc) and ask to meet up some evening ;ie a clear sober no sex meeting time) if it's all legit and he wants to be friends that will be fine, else it's probably best to avoid if it was today or nothing.

[NigesFakeWalkingStick]

I hope I'm wrong and this is your happily ever after but what really good friend just sort of disappears after 14 years of friendship and fucks you over? Tread v v carefully OP.

Anyway - I get these 'drink?' texts every so often from about 4 men firmly in my past. One of the shits is married and still says he loves me (we went on three dates in 2007). I'm very cautious of these types of things.

[MustardScreams]

No idea why he disappeared. I should probably have ignored him tbh, but where’s the fun in that?! Never been one for a sensible decision. Like to think I’m pretty savvy now though and won’t just fall for whatever he tells me

[bluebell34567]

his list of dating girls dried out i guess. so, he turns to you. he knows you like him.

[Goingtobeoldearly]

I haven't read the whole thread, but this happened to me a few months ago. He messaged me out of the blue, I was all over the place, in a way I wanted to meet him but the other way, i would be crying in the shower remembering how he had treated me in the past. Anyway, I met up with him, we had a great evening, ended up sleeping with him. We both said how natural it felt ect...a few days later he showed and reminded me of why we hadn't been in touch all those years. I wish he hadn't messaged me. I've now blocked him.

[Wellmet]

Right ok, I'll be the lone voice here. I had this, but the other way round. I had a friend I adored, but we were always with other people so it was never the right time. And yes, to my shame I randomly blocked him when my emotionally abusive boyfriend started being an arsehole about him. I eventually got free of that relationship and messaged him...it wasn't entirely out of the blue, a mutual friend had bumped into him and he'd told her to say hi.
We met for drinks. 15 years on we're very happily married with children.
Follow your gut feeling.

[morrisseysquif]

So you were friends, started to be more than friends, then he blocked you.

That is hugely hurtful and cruel.

Either
A He is single and wants attention and hopefully a shag
B he is with somebody snd wants attention and hopefully a shag
C He has always regretted you, feels terrible about how he treated you and wants to apologise and make amends.

Let's hope it is C and you aren't putty in his hands.

Don't drink.!

[mummmy2017]

I bet he wants a free bed for the night..

[CmdrCressidaDuck]

You want to know what happened?

Allow me to save you a lot of time and heartache: he had something better on the go and couldn't be bothered with you.

He didn't have a stroke. He wasn't caught in a hurricane. He didn't have to suddenly leave the country. He just didn't give much of a shit about you.

Why would you open yourself up to that again?

[MustardScreams]

Blimey, I’m not going to fall madly in love with him the second I see him, I do have some self respect

[Inappropriatefemale]

The OP will do what she wants to do, I would too and we can learn by our own mistakes, if indeed it’s a mistake.

[thatsmyumbrella]

@NigesFakeWalkingStick it's so unbelievable isn't it. I've had txts from a few guys who I went on no more than 3 dates with over 10 years ago who I don't even think I would recognise if I passed them in the street! It's like they just going through their contacts and txt every woman in there.

[Inappropriatefemale]

The OP knew this guy for 14 years though, slightly different but even worse that he ghosted her.

[Lailaha]

Friends don't block you and ignore you for years. Especially with no trigger.

[Lipz]

You've agreed to meet him so go along and don't fall for any crap talk. 2 years ghosting is a long time. Hear him out and tell him how hurt you were. He could be on the rebound or he could be feeling guilty at how he treated you. If anything it'll give you closure on the friendship. Don't sleep with him and don't plan in your head what may happen in the future with him. Just see what he has to say . You'll know whether he's just looking for a hook up or if he is genuinely sorry for how he treated you.

[Pieceofpurplesky]

Hope you have a good time and rekindle your friendship - and get some answers. I am really hoping he went undercover on a covert operation 😀

[YasssKween]

I know you say he's not an ex OP but he clearly was someone you wanted to be with even if you didn't get there. As you said, it was headed that way.

Every single one of my exes has got back in touch years later to want to meet up. I've never done so because I know they'd either want to sleep with me OR had spent years romanticising a memory of "us" that in reality can't be lived up to, especially as people change so much in 10+ years.

You describe him as a good friend but things were "heading that way" and it sounds like he just ghosted you?! Not a great mate then.

Do you really need to know, 14 years on, why he dropped you? I can't see how it would hugely benefit your life.

I'd like to place a bet that you'll get "I know it's been ages but it's you I've always thought about / not been able to get out of my head" and "I was young and scared of how strong my feelings for you were and I dealt with it immaturely by running away."

Let us know what happens and don't undo all the hard work you've done to value yourself and be happy!

[aroundtheworldyet]

It’s not 14 years on. It’s 2 years on. They were friends for 14 years.

[YasssKween]

Oh sorry my bad! I think that's even worse then, a friend of 14 years treating you as disposable is horrible! Rest of my post I stand by.

[NurseButtercup]

Blimey, I’m not going to fall madly in love with him the second I see him, I do have some self respect

Just don't sleep with him....not tonight anyway.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

"Never been one for a sensible decision. Like to think I’m pretty savvy now though and won’t just fall for whatever he tells me"

Well you already have by agreeing to meet him at all let alone what guff he now comes up with. Also this whole concept of closure is overrated.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

Agreeing to meet him is your latest in a very long line of non sensible decisions. Why are you not valuing yourself more or higher here?. This man is in the past where he belongs and needs to stay there.

[Inappropriatefemale]

It’s only a silly decision if she sleeps with him and gets used!

[Icanflyhigh]

Well I think you're doing the right thing! Have fun!

[Honeyroar]

I think it’s fine to meet him (although I wouldn’t have dropped everything to do it the next day) as long as you keep your head clear and don’t rush into anything. He probably ghosted you because he fell head over heals for his then girlfriend, who had a problem with his female best friend. He probably now feels bad about it, regrets it even, but keep in your head that he chose her, you weren’t important enough for him to fight for, you came second.. Make sure that you’re definitely not still second best before you cross any lines.