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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband is missing

234 replies

Onalake · 10/12/2019 16:10

He has alcohol dependency and depression and has suicidal thoughts. I thought he was upstairs, looked out of the window and realised the car was gone. I have phoned the police who are looking for him. I am devasted, sitting here waiting for news is killing me

OP posts:
Allyg1185 · 10/12/2019 16:12

How long has been away for?

Goodnightjude1 · 10/12/2019 16:12

A handhold for you OP.
I hope he turns up soon and everything is ok 💐

LidlDonkey · 10/12/2019 16:13

Oh you poor thing. Please try not to think the worst. Hopefully the police will find him very soon. Flowers

forumdonkey · 10/12/2019 16:18

If he's in the car, hopefully the police can locate him quickly.

Has something happened that makes you think he's in danger rather than popped out? Is there anyone who can wait with you?

Ogham · 10/12/2019 16:19

I hope he’s home soon x

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 10/12/2019 16:20

Hope he comes back soon.

shippa · 10/12/2019 16:22

Such a hard time of year for so many. I'm hoping the fact he has the car will mean he is quickly tracked down. Does he have form for taking off?

Mama1980 · 10/12/2019 16:22

Another hand hold here.
Maybe make yourself a cup to tea...is there someone in rl who can sit with you?

TokyoSushi · 10/12/2019 16:23

Oh goodness OP.

Has anything happened? Has he been drinking? What makes you think that he's missing rather than just gone out somewhere? How long has he been gone?

I hope that he's back very soon.

iklboodolphrednosedreindeer · 10/12/2019 16:23

Hand hold here. Hope all is well and he's just gone for some fresh air. Has he been drinking before he took the car?

Original poster
Onalake · 10/12/2019 16:26

He has no history of taking off, but has been talking of killing himself recently. The doc referred him to the mental health team, he is having an assessment on Friday.

He has been gone for an hour or so I guess, but this is completely out of character and he has no access to money.

We live in the middle of nowhere, 8 miles from the nearest large village, almost 40 miles from the nearest medium sized town. , so no anpr cameras as predominantly narrow country lanes everywhere

OP posts:
Original poster
Onalake · 10/12/2019 16:27

He has been drinking today, and no, thee is no one who can sit with me, family are a 4 hour drive away

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 10/12/2019 16:28

Hope he’s found soon Flowers

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/12/2019 16:29

Another hand hold.

I hope he wasn't drinking before he took the car?

Hope the police can find him quickly. Good that he has a MH assessment on Friday, perhaps he could be referred to a local crisis team in the meantime?

Fingers crossed for you OP, keep up posted.

saraclara · 10/12/2019 16:29

I hope you get some good news soon. This must be very scary for you.

graziemille567 · 10/12/2019 16:29

Sorry to hear this, I hope he's found soon it must be horrible not knowing where he is under the circumstances. Thanks

GrapefruitGin · 10/12/2019 16:29

Hand hold OP, I really hope he’s found soon. Have you called a family member or close friend? Might give you some comfort Flowers

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/12/2019 16:31

Onalake

You can only help your own self ultimately. None of this is down to you, none of it. He is in the grips of alcoholism and the only one who can pull himself out is him.

Unless he himself properly accepts he has a drink problem there is nothing that anyone and that includes you can do to help him. He has to want to help his own self and without any input from you.

You need to be apart from him now. Hard as it is for you, he will only continue to drag you down with him otherwise.

cjt110 · 10/12/2019 16:33

Another here offering support. FlowersBrew

Is there any further news yet? Have they sent an officer to sit with you?

IckleBear · 10/12/2019 16:37

I hope he contacts you soon

Original poster
Onalake · 10/12/2019 16:39

No news. What concerns me is that his phone is ringing. This means he is static somewhere as we have shockingly poor phone coverage round here.
They haven't sent an officer out no, assuming as he hasn't been gone long they are perhaps not taking it seriously at the moment, although I know this is totally out of character and he has been talking about killing himself by driving off the road.

OP posts:
Raindancer411 · 10/12/2019 16:40

I hope they find him soon for you. Once the police find him they maybe able to get some MH involvement going ASAP. Keeping fingers crossed for you

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/12/2019 16:41

If you have informed the police about his state of mind and the mention of killing himself, they have to take it seriously.

Could you call the station for an update? Even if it's just to give yourself something to do...

lifeisgoodagain · 10/12/2019 16:41

The police do have to wait some time because he's an adult and have every right to go out without telling you. But they will have a call out on his numberplate. Is there friends/colleagues he's close to?

notsodimwit · 10/12/2019 16:42

OpFlowers hope he's found safe and well soon xx

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