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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband is missing

234 replies

Onalake · 10/12/2019 16:10

He has alcohol dependency and depression and has suicidal thoughts. I thought he was upstairs, looked out of the window and realised the car was gone. I have phoned the police who are looking for him. I am devasted, sitting here waiting for news is killing me

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/12/2019 17:04

So glad he has been found. Hopefully now he will get the help he needs; although he could also be done for drink-driving.

Very relieved for you @Onalake. Do YOU have some real-life support while all this is going on?

GingleJangleScarecrow · 10/12/2019 17:05

So glad that he has been found safe. What a dreadful thing for you to have to cope with. Hope this really is the kick up the arse he needs.

Original poster
Onalake · 10/12/2019 17:05

Just read back over some replies I missed. I did tell the police he had been drinking, and about his threats of suicide. I told OH some time ago that if he ever drove while drunk I would call the police, and he hasn't done so until today. He will be aware that I will have called them.

He is never a nasty drunk and wouldn't get cross for my phoning the police, he is always appologetic and sad when drunk.

OP posts:
sockittome123 · 10/12/2019 17:05

So glad for you OP

Livebythecoast · 10/12/2019 17:07

Oh so pleased he's been found and he's safe. Hoping he gets the help he needs

NemophilistRebel · 10/12/2019 17:07

So glad they found him Flowers

Aycharow · 10/12/2019 17:08

Oh my goodness what a relief for you that he has been found safe.

Original poster
Onalake · 10/12/2019 17:08

@greenfingerswouldbehandy, I am quite an insular person, don't have close friends really, and am not terribly close to my family. Our lodger, only a young lad, is wise beyond his years and will be home from work soon to dispense hugs and tissues! I don't like dumping all my crap on others though.

OP posts:
KitKat1985 · 10/12/2019 17:10

I'm glad he's been found OP. x

YesSheCan · 10/12/2019 17:10

Just seen this thread and so relieved for you that your husband has been found, OP. Can you be with him when he has his crisis team mental health assessment? In case he minimises the suicidal thoughts to them - I think they need to hear your account of his recent mental state. Hope that he gets the treatment he needs asap Flowers

Span1elsRock · 10/12/2019 17:12

What a relief.

Fingers crossed this is a turning point for him. Don't be afraid of saying you need support in this too Flowers

BeBraveAndBeKind · 10/12/2019 17:14

There is a support organisation for families of alcoholics called Al-anon. They have a helpline - www.al-anonuk.org.uk/helpline/ to provide a listening ear.

BookWitch · 10/12/2019 17:14

@Onalake
I am so glad they have found him,
You say you are quite insular, so am I, it is due to being emotionally single as I just can't rely on DH for anything.
Please do contact Al-Anon, even in my very insular "I can deal with everything, I don't need to talk to anyone" amour, I find them incredibly easy to talk to and supportive. They don't judge at all, and I have found them so helpful

Lunde · 10/12/2019 17:23

I am really glad that he has turned up safe

I really hope that this is a wake-up call for him to get help

iklboodolphrednosedreindeer · 10/12/2019 17:25

Glad he's been found safe OP. Hopefully he'll get some help now. Take care of yourself.

BestOption · 10/12/2019 17:25

OMG you poor thing, what a scary hour or so you’ve had! I’m so relieved they’ve found him & he’s safe (and everyone else on the roads!).

I really do hope this is the start of his recovery, for both your sakes.
I’m glad he’s an apologetic, not aggressive drinker.

Don’t be afraid to open up to al anon, I’m sure they’ll be great to have on your side because his recovery won’t be easy for either of you!

... but you know where we are if you need us x

Deathraystare · 10/12/2019 17:26

Let's hope he gets seen by someone and gets the treatment he needs. I know sometimes it takes quite a while though.

SunshineCake · 10/12/2019 17:27

Great news he has been found. Don't neglect yourself while looking after him.

Justaboy · 10/12/2019 17:33

It sometimes takes an event like this to get the MH treatment/ help propcess on the go!

Seems like he's got a good woman behind him if you'll pardon me saying so:)

Goodnightjude1 · 10/12/2019 17:34

So glad he’s been found safe OP. Look after yourself too 💐

theresthepurpleline · 10/12/2019 17:35

Remember that the Samaritans are there for anyone in distress - as you are bound to be at the moment. Their number is 116123.
Please remember that you are in our thoughts. Take care.

duffeldaisy · 10/12/2019 17:35

So glad he's been found. I hope it is the beginning of him getting the MH treatment he clearly needs. Well done for coping with it all.

Yetanotherwinter · 10/12/2019 17:35

@lifeisgoodagain this isn’t true. They don’t have to wait a certain time. If the risk is high they will act immediately. OP have you reiterated to Police the suicide talk and out of character behaviour. If not, recontact them and explain fully his recent behaviour.

theresthepurpleline · 10/12/2019 17:36

So happy he has been found. Take care.

Yetanotherwinter · 10/12/2019 17:37

Just seen he’s been found. Look after yourself OP.