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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband is missing

234 replies

Onalake · 10/12/2019 16:10

He has alcohol dependency and depression and has suicidal thoughts. I thought he was upstairs, looked out of the window and realised the car was gone. I have phoned the police who are looking for him. I am devasted, sitting here waiting for news is killing me

OP posts:
Caledoniahasmyheartforever · 10/12/2019 17:37

Thank you for phoning, for being responsible and telling the police that your dh has been drinking. So many wouldn’t! I wonder if this is his cry for help? By doing the one thing you threatened to call the police on him for. Hopefully he will open up to the nurse and the police can get the crisis team involved.

Sending so many hugs, alcoholics is a terrible disease that seeps into and impacts everyone in the family, not just the alcoholic. Please get support for you x

81Byerley · 10/12/2019 17:38

Thank goodness. Wishing you both all the best!

Spied · 10/12/2019 17:39

What a relief.
Don't forget to look after yourself too.

lynxca16 · 10/12/2019 17:40

So glad he has been found but so sorry you have had to go through this horrible stressful time ((hugs))
You do need to take care and agree with other posters that contacting Al anon is the best thing you can do for yourself, they are great, friendly, non-judgemental, understanding and will help you deal with what really isn't your problem to solve (don't mean that to sound hard, just its only your DH who can help himself) they are a wonderful support group and you now must allow yourself to be supported by folk who totally get and understand what you have been and are going through.
Take care

LeopardPrintKnickers · 10/12/2019 17:46

What a terrifying afternoon you've had Onalake, and I hope you're right and this gives him the shock he needs to take control of his life once more.

Sending you a gentle hug, and please do get as much support as you can, either from the crisis team, your GP, Al Anon and others. You're not on your own, even if it feels like you are.

Tiredandgrumpytonight · 10/12/2019 17:49

He’ll lose his licence won’t he?

I’m glad he is ok though!

GoodMorningSunshine · 10/12/2019 17:49

So pleased he has been found. Do you have find my iPhone? Assuming it’s an iPhone though I suppose, but in this situation it can be very helpful as it’ll pinpoint the location of the phone x

Ladyfaith · 10/12/2019 17:50

Another hand hold here, mental health is never a easy subject, if it’s any consolation I had a friend committed yesterday, it doesn’t sit well.
Is his phone trackable. There’s enough CCTV's around hopefully they can track the car. Try and keep yourself occupied.

Ladyfaith · 10/12/2019 17:52

Just seen, he’s been found. Don’t be harsh on him, no one knows what going on in his head. Patience
Hopefully all ends well

Janus · 10/12/2019 17:57

So glad he’s safe, hopefully this will be his turning point and the police may be able to get some helpful contacts who may be able to get him through all this Flowers

MitziK · 10/12/2019 18:02

'The car' or your car?

An alcoholic, even without suicidal thoughts, should not have a driving licence - they're supposed to be surrendered. And if he's kept his car throughout, it's time for it to go.

You've had a terrible day. Don't make it all about supporting him when you've been through the mill as well (as you probably have for months, if not years).

angstinabaggyjumper · 10/12/2019 18:05

Oh thank goodness, I was worried for you. Here's a hug.

pointythings · 10/12/2019 18:12

I'm so glad he has been found. I hope you can now work towards recovery for him - but also for you. Please seek out help and support for yourself, it will make life easier.

readitandwept · 10/12/2019 18:13

Good luck to you both, OP. Take care.

Sexnotgender · 10/12/2019 18:16

Glad he’s been found, hope he can get some help Flowers

Sherrybabyy · 10/12/2019 18:18

Thank god he’s been found OP! What a relief. Hope you both get the support you need Flowers

Casiloco · 10/12/2019 18:21
Flowers
MsPavlichenko · 10/12/2019 18:24

MitziK

What legislation says this re surrendering a licence /giving up a car? News to me.

Many alcoholics are in recovery. Not all will drive after drinking.

cjt110 · 10/12/2019 18:48

Glad to read he has been found safely. I wish you both well x

MrsAgassi · 10/12/2019 18:56

Glad he's been found safe, hope you both get the support you need.

MsPavlichenko · 10/12/2019 19:00

But as I said. Many alcoholics are in recovery and safely driving.

Thewayforward · 10/12/2019 19:04

Thank goodness he has been found and is safe.

This could of been myself writing this as DH did exactly the same thing on my sons 18th birthday of all days. Unfortunately DH is still at it although in complete denial and everyday is a source of anxiety.

Please look after yourself. I do not have any advice to give unfortunately but please remember you are not alone. Sending you hugs at this time x

MitziK · 10/12/2019 19:04

Which isn't particularly relevant in the case of a man who is actively abusing alcohol, has MH issues and specifically states suicidal ideation regarding a car. Some can get a licence back after a considerable period of time, but they all have to initially 'surrender' it to the DVLA who will then consider what action to take.

Original poster
Onalake · 10/12/2019 19:39

It is his car, but we both drive it and mine, depending on what we are doing - mine is a 4 x 4, his a small car. He never drives when he has had a drink, until today that is. We are together 24 hours a day and if we need to go somewhere and he has had a drink in the previous 24 hours I will drive.

I don't know how much over the limit he was yet, so don't know about him losing his licence. I guess the police will advise.

OP posts:
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