New boyfriend of only a month talking about getting me pregnant...massive red flag?

[abwhite100]

So this is a weird one. Met my boyfriend online about 5 weeks ago, all in all have only had 7 dates. Each date has gone really well, we have loads in common, loads of chemistry, laughs a lot and I have genuinely never felt so comfortable and more able to be myself with someone in my whole life. But there have been some massive red flags and I have made mistakes by ignoring red flags in my last relationships and I'm at the stage where I have a little girl to consider and so I want to be sensible.

1st red flag. He is 30 and only had a girlfriend for 6 months, he claims he has never been in love.

2 nd red flag. He told me he loved me after our 4th date. He claims he knew after our first date and has never felt like this with anyone ever before. He says when you know you know.

3 rd red flag. He is very very very intense and has admitted himself he is a jealous person. He has made some controlling comments for example, I have a male friend whom is straight, he told me drinks with him won't be happening whilst I'm in a relationship with him.

4 th massive red flag. He stayed over at mine the other night, we have been using condoms as I am not on contraception as I am really sensitive to hormones and find nothing tends to agree with me. After sex the other night, he said, "you know I really don't want to use condoms, I only do because you want to but I like taking risks" then he kept going on and on in a jokey manner about how he is going to get me pregnant. This gave me absolute goosebumps especially as I said about 5 times that I do not want any more kids at this point in my life as I want to get my degree before even considering it. He still continued to make jokes saying he could pull out but he couldn't trust himself, or he would just not tell me he was about to cum and cum inside me without me knowing.

I really like this guy, I've not felt so connected to someone ever, but this pregnancy talk has really upset me and caused me to think about whether I should walk away regardless of the connection.

Should I discuss with him? Or should I walk?

I'm worried if I discuss he'll say he was only having a joke and put it on me making me look crazy.

Just read the thread and I am SO glad you are ending it. He sounds very scary and probably dangerous. I agree that he is regularly testing boundaries with the jokes, already exhibiting controlling behaviour with the vetting of who you socialise with, paranoia maybe around what you know about him. I also think he has a long term game plan to get you pregnant and move in. Nasty nasty piece of work. Don’t tell him specifics- don’t give him tips on how to mask himself better to the next woman he meets!
When are you sending that text right now ?

hitting you randomly hard enough to hurt is not the same as consensually playing rough in the bedroom

Exactly.

And even if it was during sex, you ask beforehand/talk about it and agree. A slap is an assault at the end of the day.

The fact he found it funny ...it's just something else bad on top of everything else, which was bad enough.

In the mind of a guy like this, pregnant = trapped.

He's completely unhinged. Cut him from your life completely.

Have you sent the message op? I hope you have. And well done for getting out xx

absolutely terrifying OP, end it asap. chills down my spine reading this.

Good for you OP. Send the message now before you bottle out of it.

I sent it and he is blocked on WhatsApp, phone and snapchat

I feel embarrassed, I'd been telling a few close friends how I'd met "the one". How cringe.

Well done for spotting the signs and making an exit plan. Not always easy.

Thank god, but please be on your guard.

I’m surprised anyone would even need to ask

And the whole of Mumsnet breathes a collective sigh of relief!

You have absolutely no reason to be embarrassed.

You have just got yourself and your DC out of an awful situation, well done.

Well done OP, you are amazing and you are going to do so well for yourself.

Do not be embarrassed - you saw the signs and you asked on here so your gut was right.

Don't be embarrassed!

I'd be really proud of any of my friends who had enough self respect to admit they got it wrong and decided to set their standards higher.

Well done!

Thank God!
Be warned, he will turn up at your house/place of work.
Do not engage. Do not agree to meet him. If you can record any conversation with him. Keep your doors and windows secure and if money will allow I’d consider getting one of the video doorbells.
Do a Claire’s Law check on him.
I know this all sounds a bit overboard but quite honestly your thread has given me the chills in a way I don’t often get.

I feel embarrassed, I'd been telling a few close friends how I'd met "the one". How cringe.

Don't be embarrassed. If you like, tell your friend's that the last date/or phone conversations have raised some huge red flags and you had to cut all contact and block him. Tell them he is not a nice person.

OP, I am concerned he won’t go quietly, not when he sensed that you are vulnerable. Please please be open with trusted, real life support to avoid being manipulated or reeled back in

Did you always use condoms with him?
Might be worth getting a sexual health checkup just in case?

Well done for listening to your instincts and hopefully he accepts it and doesn't pop back into your life.
Please be careful

1 wouldn't bother me. 2 is weird (imo). 3 & 4 are terrifying.

Agree with the rest....RUN.

The 1st 2 points I don't think are massive red flags on their own. I knew after date 1 that my husband was the one. Told him on about date 3 I loved him, he said it back. (But I had known him as a friend years before and had just got back in touch so not a stranger).

Been together 7 years and married for 6. Engaged after 2.5 months and TTC after 3 months..... (sounds crazy but I just KNEW that he was the one). Thankfully we have worked out.

BUT it needs to be both sides and not in the controlling manner and saying such inappropriate things. That's just unacceptable!

Other than telling you he loved you on 4th date (some people do know pretty much straight away they have fallen for someone) everything else is a massive red flag.

He's controlling, jealous, intense, plans to rape you (sex is consensual- so if what you decide you consented to is removed aka condom therefore rape) and has an entitlement complex.

Honestly, I think he would be dangerous. He may be inexperienced which makes him insecure but that does not excuse any of his behaviour.

Men I've known who are like this have always without fail gone on to harm me or someone else in my experience.

Someone can have an excellent personality but if they are abusive then it's not a counterbalance.

Stay far away.

The reason that he feels like a soulmate and more connected than anyone else is because he's doing a technique to make you feel that. It's very manipulative but it also means it's completely false

This is what traps women as well as a belief that there is always good in people. We have to teach our children that toxic people exist ( narcissism is increasing) and they are very tricky to spot at first. They can be charming, attractive and very good at hooking people in.

Treat this as a step on the journey to healing and eventually being in the right place to meet a good man.we are often impatient to find "the one" but that usually can't happen until we have healed ourselves.

These aren't red flags. They are massive neon signs with a bloody siren!
I read 'drinks with your friend won't be happening while you're in this relationship' and stopped reading ..that's enough for me.
He'd be history!