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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Handhold - Told H I want a divorce, the fallout and rise again - hopefully

943 replies

awesmum · 12/03/2019 19:00

Part 2

Well I never thought I would have to make a follow up page.

Thank you all lovely people for the handholds, if you've read the previous thread you know what I have been through, and I can't begin to explain how wonderful I found the support on here. So Thank you ... on I go!

OP posts:
OP posts:
RandomMess · 12/03/2019 19:42

KOKO Thanks

Mrsmummy90 · 12/03/2019 19:43

ThanksThanksThanks

whiteroseredrose · 12/03/2019 20:04

Awestruck with how level headed you're being. Hoping you get this nonsense sorted out in court.

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour · 12/03/2019 20:14

Been reading since the beginning of thread one and wanted to add my chorus of support for you.

Autumnchill · 12/03/2019 20:30

Another one delurking to wish you strength in dealing with this

Your STBX sounds obsessive and if I'm honest, scary. I hope you get all the support you need in RL, especially legal!

pointythings · 12/03/2019 20:57

Delurking to offer support... What your XH is doing is beyond awful. And in the long term he won't get away with this - the court will take a very, very dim view of what he's doing right now.

Flowers
Applesandpears23 · 12/03/2019 21:48

I found your other thread yeaterday and read it all. I hope you get your little girl home soon.

TheFormidableMrsC · 12/03/2019 22:19

I had 3 full threads with my divorce! It was epic! The amount of loving support I received from so many wonderful MN'ers, some of whom have become lifelong friends, was astonishing. There's a lot of strength to b drawn here OP.

KOKO.

Raspberrytruffle · 12/03/2019 22:40
Flowers
Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda · 12/03/2019 22:42

KOKO

doodleygirl · 12/03/2019 22:54

Sending lots of good vibes for tomorrow

Gotthetshirt23 · 12/03/2019 23:12

ThanksKOKOThanks

WitchDancer · 12/03/2019 23:27

Still here with a hand to hold, particularly in these dark days.

AcrossthePond55 · 12/03/2019 23:34

Oh yes, I do remember what a shit time you had of it! Can't believe he's still being Mr WT!!!

Awesmum, all you can do is all you can do. Just follow your solicitor's advice and try to keep as calm as you can. I know it's hard to believe now, but this will soon be just a bad memory and you are going to have countless days, months, and years with DD.

Apropos of him 'focusing' on the object of his affection, too bad you don't have a 'femme fatale' friend who could entice him into a relationship, get him to loose his death grip on DD and then dump his sorry arse. (I enjoy revenge fantasies)

HazelBite · 12/03/2019 23:58

Have been reading your updates, my God he sounds deranged. I cannot bear to imagine the effect he is having on your daughter Flowers

Original poster
awesmum · 13/03/2019 06:47

Very little sleep again last night. This is horrendous, I bet he's absolutely loving this at the moment, I feel like I am back under his control, I can't plan anything, I can't decide anything, because I don't know what is happening or when I am getting her back. I am due in to work today, if he drops her at nursery my instinct is to run and get her and go home, but then I am no better than him, and I need this job and I need the money, especially to fight him in court. He can pick her up when he chooses if he decides on taking her at all. So he drop her off and then what's to say he won't pick her up at say lunchtime. His proposal was to pick her up from nursery today and have her till Friday anyway, I just don't know what to do?!
I am going to speak to my boss but I am terrified of appearing flaky because of this shit. I am waiting on every email and every phone call, but I am having to do all the chasing because solicitors aren't proactive (apology for generalising there, just my experience).

I am 5 steps back under his control and not knowing when I am seeing my baby next.

OP posts:
Mrsmummy90 · 13/03/2019 07:13

Does your boss have an idea of the situation? I'm sure they'd be sympathetic.
I'd go get her. He's had her all weekend and you need to know she's ok xx

Original poster
awesmum · 13/03/2019 07:21

Every instinct is saying go get her, but because I am still in my probationary period I am worried about being more trouble than help. I need the money.

But no if he drops her I am going to go get her.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 13/03/2019 07:40

I think you need to talk to your boss, who wouldn't be sympathetic in this situation?

RandomMess · 13/03/2019 08:43

You do need to tell your employers. This is a temporary issue in as much it will go to court fairly soon and you will be getting power of arrest attached to the CO.

ThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanks

BeUpStanding · 13/03/2019 09:12

Definitely talk to your boss.

Question for anyone - is KOKO Keep On Keeping On?!

Sending strength and fortitude your way Awesmum Flowers

RandomMess · 13/03/2019 09:17

Yes to meaning of KOKO

TheFormidableMrsC · 13/03/2019 09:22

I do think that you must get contact formalised as soon as you can. This is ridiculous. If you have residency then under these circumstances, the police would be able to go and remove her from him. I don't think a court order is going to keep him "in line" but continual breaches will mean he may lose all contact eventually. The effect of this on your daughter cannot be overlooked. Speak to your employers and be honest about the situation you're in. The man is deranged and I am concerned that your solicitors are not acting speedily enough. I think I would also be requesting another welfare check by the Police.

purpleboy · 13/03/2019 13:06

Definitely go and get her from nursery if she goes, forget the I'm just as bad as him. Once you've got her back you can make a plan to move forward, ie supervised contact only, nursery not allowing her to be picked up by father. The main thing is that you get her back in a safe environment.