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Original poster

Handhold - Told H I want a divorce, the fallout and rise again - hopefully

943 replies

awesmum · 12/03/2019 19:00

Part 2

Well I never thought I would have to make a follow up page.

Thank you all lovely people for the handholds, if you've read the previous thread you know what I have been through, and I can't begin to explain how wonderful I found the support on here. So Thank you ... on I go!

OP posts:
BeUpStanding · 08/10/2019 14:16

Fabulous update!

NewLevelsOfTiredness · 08/10/2019 14:41

I really am not wonderful, just trying to do what's right

Yes you fucking are!

I've followed this thread, and the previous one from the start and it's awesome that it's moved from hoping you cope and get through it to just being curious to see what new strength, happiness and wonder you've discovered in your freedom.

TFthatsover · 20/10/2019 23:45

How are you doing OP?

OP posts:
Original poster
awesmum · 23/07/2021 18:04

Well I didn't think I'd be back on here again. Not nearly 3 years down the line.

But he's done it again. He's withholding my daughter. He's manipulated the order and left it to the last minute and won't return her again.

OP posts:
LannieDuck · 23/07/2021 18:12

Is withholding her against the court order? Surely you call the police if that's the case?

pog100 · 23/07/2021 18:19

These fuckers just won't give up, will they. I presume you've had some time of relative calm in the meantime? All you can do is fight in the courts I guess but I seem to remember you were primary carer and there was a court order. In what way has he manipulated it?

Original poster
awesmum · 23/07/2021 19:41

Police are doing a welfare check now.
There's no powers of arrest on the order.

The order said first week of holidays -he picked her up Friday 16th - so today is 1 week he's tried to keep her till Monday.

No real calm. Still getting abuse and shit.

I'm at my wits end .

OP posts:
pog100 · 23/07/2021 23:16

I know he's a manipulative cunt but if your daughter is basically ok and safe with him would it perhaps be best to pick your battles and let her stay the weekend? I know he'll see this as some sort of win but it's pretty hollow isn't it?

Original poster
awesmum · 24/07/2021 09:57

@pog100 unfortunately as I can't actually guarantee when he will return her - no. This is the 3rd time he's withheld her.
She's 5 - I have potentially 13 years of this.
I have tried to be nice, to work what's best. But he keeps being breaking he court orders. How is that fair? Or right? Or just? Or even good parenting?

Can you imagine telling her she's coming home, then she's not. What must be going through her head. Or he's not telling her anything at all. Where's her rights?
Where's her wishes being met?

He's withholding her from her family.

OP posts:
that1970shouse · 24/07/2021 16:07

No advice but my thoughts are with you, OP.

that1970shouse · 24/07/2021 16:08

I have name changed since your earlier posts.

JSL52 · 24/07/2021 21:07

Will you have to go back to court now ?

notapizzaeater · 24/07/2021 23:13

Hopefully he's enough rope to hang himself 🤬🤬🤬

Weenurse · 25/07/2021 02:51

A friend’s little girl got violent with her and would not calm down after her Dad refused to bring her back from holiday on the agreed date.
Dad went away every year with friends for a certain week of the holidays and wanted to take his DC too, even tough it was not his week. So he kept them an extra week.
Little one flipped when she got back to Mum.
Back to court, judge told Dad off and not to do it again.
Little one calmed right down after that. Verbalised that Dad was wrong to keep them, judge had said so. In her mind it would not happen again, and thankfully it didn’t.
I don’t think parents in this situation realise how much their behaviour impacts on DC.
Good luck 💐

Catgirl92 · 26/07/2021 23:00

Thinking of you! Just read through your posts. I can see I'll be in a similar situation soon. My husband has been lying to me on everything for the past year. Recently started sending messages to other women. He makes me feel disillusioned tells me I'm crazy and tells everyone I'm.a narcissist. He's adamant he wants 50/50 care of out 14 month old. He's very domineering and is using this as a threat to try and make me stay. I really hope your daughter gets returned soon. I know I'll be devastated if my husband ever does this, but I'm sure it's something he will try

AcrossthePond55 · 29/07/2021 21:50

@awesmum Oh no!!! Just saw you'd updated.

I hope you get resolution soon. I know in the UK breach of access orders are 'civil matters', which basically means bloody fuck-all as far as forcing cooperation. I just don't understand the thinking about not having orders legally enforceable. It makes no sense to me.

Can you speak to a solicitor about the likelihood of getting some teeth put into the access order based on his past behaviour? I know some posters have spoken about orders with 'police enforcement' language which means the police are allowed to retrieve the child or force return. Or he's so cheap and hateful about you getting any of 'his' money, maybe an order could include a hefty monetary penalty for non/late return.

So sorry you're having to deal with this shit again. I'd hoped 'no news was good news' and that perhaps he'd found another victim woman to focus his vile shit on.

CanuckBC · 11/08/2021 08:59

@awesmum I hope she is back with you and the courts have seriously slapped his hands. What a twat.

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