how can court rule this? I am distraught!

[donners312]

Was in court today with my narc ex - he got contact every month which is fine except he moved 6 hours away from the children and i have been ordered to do the travel to facilitate this. I cannot believe it!

I am a single mum on benefits and minimum wage and it is going to cost me about £250 to do this as it is too far to drive there and back in one weekend. I get no maintenance - he has even asked for me to pay the costs for when he is with them.

I am in bed i am so devastated - things just keep getting worse and worse i feel like i can't go on anymore with it all. Only for the children.

Rights of Women might be able to give you free legal advice:

rightsofwomen.org.uk

Good luck.

Agree with making your car out of service and keeping your bank account on bare minimum. They mightn't have the wit to investigate his bank account but I bet your luck would have them investigating yours. Infuriating!

You probably need your car for work though? Catch 22.

I'm a family lawyer and this sounds like an outrageous decision. I think you need to seek legal advice asap and appeal this order. The case will then be transferred away from magistrates to a judge. Why can't he come and visit the children near their home? It's an onerous journey for all of you. If you appeal you need to do it within 14 days so you need to get moving.

Family Law lawyer here. Appeal it Op. You have v little indeed to lose and much to gain. Limit your appeal to the travel arrangements / cost of travel arrangements. The order is outrageous and (I really hope) an County Court Judge would have a lot more sense (and sympathy). Ask the Magistrates Court tomorrow for forms etc. You will have a limited time to put in an appeal. Include in your appeal a stay (suspension) of the order pending appeal - i.e. it won;t take effect until appeal is heard.

X posts - same advice!

Please appeal OP

familyfirst.ridleyhall.co.uk/

Have heard these solicitors are very good and they do a free 30 minute phone consultation.

Thank you so much everyone. it is sickening!

Please go and get some proper legal advice x

This is awful. We took the dc on a six hour journey last summer and that's enough for a while.
Youre being treated as a doormat. They'll tell him not to abuse you?!

Glad you have got a bit of legal advice on here.

I have nothing to add but want to wish you good luck. It is outrageous.

Apppeal appeal appeal dont let the bastard win thats not financially possible for u

Yes legal advice definitely.
Regarding 'unsafe' house, why was it unsafe? If you did the trip once you could photo for evidence of unsafe and log the whole journey to show how impractical it is. list the expense incurred too, food, petrol etc.
There are some legal MN contributors who may point you in the right direction. Biscuitytrousers being one.

And yes u will get legal aid so please seek a lawyer and get the help your entitled to this isnt fair x

Expense and (not inconsiderable) inconvenience to you aside, at age 10 and 12 I cannot see the Dc being happy to sit in a car twice for at least 6 hours every other weekend and be so far away from their friends and weekend activities. I could see them getting very bored of that very quickly and deciding not to go. Do they want to see their father? At their age their wishes would be taken into account.

So he's not working and he moved away yet all of you have to go to him? And his bloody house isn't even safe?!

You MUST take this further!

So sorry this is happening to you. You are right to be upset, it is awful.

I don't have any better advice than you've already been given. I hope you can appeal and get a better decision.

Be brave and get your appeal going. Good luck!

Thank you so much - i wouldn't mind if i thought for one minute he gave a toss about them but he has proven over and over again he doesn't!!

all he wanted to do was see me messed about and now he has achieved that - his ultimate aim! and direct contact exactly what i have fought against for a year to get free of him and now ordered to report to him!! just exactly what he wants. Just makes me sick.

I have tried so hard to be resilient for two years but this has put me in bed.

He emptied our bank accounts - i got a job! He has done soooooooo many cruel and destructive things to the children and has tried to bring us to our knees and now this!!

I have a narc ex

I agree with appealing do that for sure.

Other stuff. Yes it's absolutely its about controlling you with the dc. I do think he'll lose interest. Mine did after 1 year. Hasn't seen her or paid any money for 5 years.

In the meantime go as limited contact as you can justify. You only ever respond to things about child arrangements and do not respond to anything else.

He'll find a new "supply" eventually.

Please please go get legal advice x

yes imperial blether it is exactly that!!! Sorry it is not EOW it is every other month. He didn't want EOW said it would be too much for him (he seriously did but he had originally ask for EOW but he admitted in court that he just said that to annoy me - he did get a bollocking for that)

He wanted to annoy me because apparently i am the unreasonable one!

sorry to hear you have a narcky ex too - why hasn't he paid maintenance for 5 years? its criminal - i think they should do community service (well i think they should go to jail actually)

He didn't want EOW said it would be too much for him

poor pet, yes of course parenting your children 1 night out of 14 is too much to ask. He doesn't fucking deserve those kids.