40something men - what happens to them??!!

[lorna111]

Just this, really! I'm coming at this from the angle of online dating to be fair, but I've been doing OLD for about a year now, on and off, and I have to say the whole experience has been utterly depressing. In my age group (45) the choice is dismal, a reduced pool anyway to start with I suppose, but I live in a reasonably big city, so you'd think there'd be a few options! Usual stuff, I get chased by the 60 year olds with grown up kids (I have a 5 year old so would prefer to meet younger!) or the 55year olds who've never been married or had kids (not for me), but absolutely no decent mid forties men. The ones I've come across are either married 😦 including a colleague at work who was basically up for an affair (I turned him down and now it's all v awkward), or flakey or just odd, or just tediously dull. I don't know, I know quite a few single mums and childfree women in their forties and i think we're all pretty cool really, decent jobs, nice, make an effort with appearance etc. So why is it so bloody difficult to meet an equivalent male?? I am feeling seriously jaded.

Not sure what I'm asking really but need to rationalise the lack of options rather than thinking it's down to me! Why so few?! Am thinking things might improve at 50, as long as I go for a 70 yr old!

Men in their fifties still have that many options ?!
Really!
Women are foolish to date down. Date your equal or stay single!

There's something wrong with people who can only cope with a partner of a generation younger than them

He was married to someone his own age. She cheated. They split. He dated women his own age...they all wanted kids, he didn't. We're in love. What exactly is wrong with him?

Nothing frowning

Iv dated much older though in fairness that was meeting in rl not online . We met . we clicked . Neither of these men exclusively dated younger and one went on to marry someone older

I don't think that was aimed at you personally Frowning.

Your partner happens to be dating someone younger (you), but did he hasn't ever said that he will only date younger women.

We are saying that the people who go on OLD specifying that they will only date much younger women must have something wrong with them.

Not that all men who do date younger women have anything wrong with them.

Date down?
Wow.
It never occurred to me that when dating someone way better looking than me, people might think I was "dating down" because they were older!

Do you not think people might just get together because they like each other? (Outside online dating which sounds like a very different thing)

As for noticing ageing, it is actually very hard to tell age on good looking men and women. My best mate is 46 and has people gasp when referencing 20 years work experience.

I think all these people should leave their bodies to science but that's a whole other thread.

Massive ego,
You really are desperate to prove your point.

What asad little man you are.

Lorelei you're reading too much in to it. Women shouldnt have to explain a preference for dating their own age group.

Yes id see dating somebody who'd left primsry school when i was born a...... compromise or a conc3ssion.

I see horrible comments on here about shorter men all the time. Id be far more attracted a shorter healthy slim man my own age than an older man.

Call it my type. My type is my age.

I dont want to have to defend that.

You don't have to defend it at all but not should someone dating older /shorter/ not as "traditionally" attractive as them .

Dating down to me would be dating someone who treats you badly regardless of their appearance

Nor *

yes, absolutely clumsy, and I agree, dating down is somebody who doesn't treat you well. wrt to an older man I never say never, but I'd say the same for a younger man. My 'objection' or my point on here is why is it that it is men who get to date younger people!? They couldn't have that expectation or entitlement if we didn't allow it.

They can try and they do try but we aren't always going to want older men, and why should we. Basically that's it. That's what I mean. I just keep complicatinng things trying to explain and I shouldn't have to explain it. I prefer men my own age

Sorry small I didn't mean you needed to defend it
But you seemed to imply that it's a bad choice generally and people shouldn't do it, that's how I read it anyway.

I do see women dating younger too, I know it's less common but it's not like it doesn't happen.

I've had so this convo on here before but I can't remember my email to get back in to my account

Anyway, to me it seems there are enough women on here with similar age partners who met them in 30's, 40's ++ to dispel the myth that 'all men would like to date younger'. There are people who have a certain shallow preference for younger women but certainly not all. I think the pool is more shallow but it's not as murky as you may think.

I'm 39 in 3 months time. Having a date in 10 days with a 45 y.old man.
Neither of us have been married or with kids. He had short relationships, I never had.
We had few chats on the phone, he was talking about skin and how I might be very young. Then he realised that my conversations doesn't turn to sexting or anything else. After few days of normal "How are you?/How was your day?" I asked him out.
I would like to see him; what kind of person he is...
Few months ago I asked someone to meet up, he is 45, he just turned me down. And he was the same: "single, never been married/no relationship"
Is age so important?

Dating your equal is not only about age. Lifestage, career stage, age partly, but for me core values have to be the same for you to be equal.
Core values are different for everyone.

Yes and I think because I have my own house and job I am not looking for somebody to treat me (ie, have all the power, through money). I want somebody equally as secure :-p

I am in the same boat , want to have a laugh and not get too deep , it's so hard and lonely at times , but I am finding myself first xxx

Interesting search that a few posts ago, just wondering who'd turn old George Clooney after all he's 55 ;(.

I don't like him myself and never have!

Larry Lamb though? Maybe

Didn't we have this discussion a few weeks ago "where are all the good 40 something men?".

& concluded that they're married or gay, or never wanted to be married just single, or we're the useless chuck outs of some other woman and weren't good relationship marriage materiel anyway, that and the mummy s boyz doesn't leave that many good ones to go around does it?.

I hated OLD, by and large I found that most of the men in my age-group (late 30s to mid 40s) were as the OP said - fairly dull, strange, pushy and a surprising number were really aggressive and angry.

The weirdest thing I noticed though, was not that I got hit on by men much older than me, but that I kept getting hit on by men in their late teens and early 20s. It was as if that collective demographic had got together and had a conversation that went "you know who would definitely be up for it? Women in their 40s. They're all desperate. They'd be so flattered to be approached by a young bloke that none of us will ever get turned down". I'm sure there was something strange going on.

Anyway, I did meet my current DP online, just at the time I'd decided to give up and delete my profile. He's very nice. He does have some issues that are difficult to deal with, but I'm pretty sure everyone has those and it's just a case of finding someone who has issues you can live with. He probably thinks the same about me.

Ive dated 5yrs younger, and 12yrs older. The 5yrs younger one was ok, the. 12yrs older one was painfully 'old' in most ways. I think 5yrs up or down might be my limit.

In my opinion, there's something a bit stunted in the personality of a man or woman who wants to date someone much younger than them. And in terms of the older partner - who wants to be stuck with the old man/woman that everyone mistakes for your parent?

I'm now dating someone the same age - it's much better.

I think 5yrs up or down might be my limit.

That's mine too.

I dated someone 12 years older and we had nothing in common whatsoever - music tastes were totally different, what films he liked etc. It was fine whilst we were dating as he appeared very gentlemanly but as soon as we lived together and slipped into the mundane, it just became dull.

I

My son Aged 30 fell in love and married a lady aged 43. She is lovely and perfect for him.

Try looking for a younger model OP!

Attractive, fit decent men with prospects aged 40 will most likely be in a relationship and if not they probably prefer to be single/playing the field (so to speak) and if they have all the characteristics the OP mentioned then they will have many options as it seems the category of men are in high demand.

And what's wrong with them dating younger if they can? How is it any different from women wanting to date someone taller than they are?