Anyone have any experience of their young child making abuse claim against their own father?

[bluestardressinggown]

I split with my ex when I found out I was pregnant, so 5 years ago. He has always been a part of our DD's life, and although I find him to be passive aggressive, arrogant towards me at times I have never had any major concerns regarding his care over our child.

My DD blurted out a couple of weeks ago that her Dad had touched her privates. She went into quite a lot of detail on her own accord, only to then say she made it all up. Since then she has said again on numerous occasions that he did do it and gave a whole load of very graphic descriptions and 'played' out what he did when she said she didn't have the words. She has been toing and froing between stating that he has been doing this and that he hasn't.

I rang social services and they are investigating. They interviewed my DD but she said nothing to them. They are now deciding whether to pursue the investigation. I've only just been allowed to tell my ex that they are involved and that they told me that I can't tell him the reason. His response was that it is nothing that he could have done and he is happy for anyone to speak to him/his partner.

I've been through hell since she told me, I can't sleep or eat. I feel devastated, confused. I just don't know what to think. I honestly don't know if it is true, or if she has just somehow got her thoughts muddled up. I'm off work at the moment due to the stress of everything. I'm scared about how things are going to proceed with SS and what the long term effects of all this will be on her and also, if it is deemed untrue etc what life will be like dealing with her Dad.

I am lucky that I have a small handful of people in RL I can talk openly about this, but it's just so bloody difficult. I never thought in my wildest nightmares that something like this would happen in our lives.

Sorry if I'm posting in the wrong place, didn't really know where else to go

I was wondering about what splendidisolation said too.

Keep a record of his texts and harassment. You may be able to get legal help to make him leave you alone - others know more about this than me

Yes Gladys, especially as the OP's mum has a history of telling the OP that her Dad didnt do things that the OP has seen he blatantly has. It just makes me wonder

Christ. I'm not sure I have the words....

Perhaps have a little think before posting splendid about your own hunges about a situation which you know nothing. Yes I would say my dad has some sort of 'issues' but he would never do that. My DD is smart enough to know the difference between my Dad and her own. My DD made specific comments about locations etc that she only goes to with her Dad and she has never mentioned my Dad. My Dad has a temper problem but it is really unnecessary and insensitive to put your guesswork into a situation that you know little about in terms of exactly what has been said. In any event, it is always my mum who does the childcare, my Dad wouldn't have a clue how to look after/entertain a child.

Im sorry :-( That was insensitive of me

My apologies too

OP I'm so sorry about all of this and I hope the bastard is seen for what he truly is

I can't even begin to imagine how I would feel in your situation op. Your daughter is lucky she has you fighting for her and believing her and this will make her recovery alot easier

Im afraid I don't have any useful advice just wanted to let you know how amazing you are and with a will like yours you and your daughter have nothing to worry about with regards to your futures xx

Hi Blue, I've just caught up with your recent updates re cps and ss.

I think it must vary a lot with cps/police depending on where they are located. When speaking to a policeman recently I commented that it was so lucky my dd's abuser plead guilty as there was zero evidence whatsoever. He told me in most cases the person would be prosecuted regardless (rightly or wrongly) as a small child just doesn't pull those things out of thin air. It's awful that this hasn't been the case for you, I'm so sorry. I hope the appeal overturns their decision.

And yes I also found ss work not in the ways you expect. Our case was closed very quickly as perpetrator was locked up and so no danger to dd, but I thought they would be around for support... but it doesn't work like that sadly.

I couldn't see, has your dd had any help aside from yourself of course? We have managed to get therapy for dd through the nspcc. It's a project they do specifically for children who have been sexually abused, I think it's called "let the future in". They carry out a home visit to meet dd and introduce themselves, then show you around their office, then do a four week assessment to see what the best type of therapy or counselling would be for them. It can last almost a year. I found them much more approachable than other organizations.

They'll also try to help you, too.

Oh Blue, I don't even know what to say. It is incredibly unfair that this man goes unpunished whilst your poor daughter will have to live with the consequences for the rest of her life. The only good thing about the fact they have not taken this to court, is that perhaps when your daughter is older and better able to articulate herself she can take her father to court herself.

Unfortunately court can make things worse. My lovely friends daughter was sexually abused by her step father. He was taken to court and found to be not guilty because he had a diagnosis of autism (as a child) and as part of that he was assessed as being incapable of lying. The animal was more than capable of lying and well practiced in manipulation. However his act was clever enough to fool the court meaning my poor friends little girl was not only disbelieved, she was branded a liar.

My friend was absolutely heartbroken, her poor daughter was devastated that the court hadn't believed her.

My cousin is a procurator fiscal and unfortunately from talking with her, this situation is all too common. Children are too traumatised to give evidence or not as convincing as the manipulative abusers who can charm the birds out of the trees.

I hope that you hear back from cps shortly and that you can find specialist support/ counselling for your little girl.

Hi OP, I commented on your post way back in feb when I was going through a similar thing with my dd. Unfortunately police came to the same decision as for your dd. I still get angry about it months later. I hope you and your DD are okay and her dad hasn't tried to get contact.

Have been thinking about you OP and wondering how you are? Hope you are ok

Hi OP. I've followed your thread and just wanted to say that you've managed this amazingly well. How are you and your little one now? X

I can not imagine what you're going through.

You have absolutely done the right thing by your DD.

It's very unusual for a 5 year old to describe graphic sexualised behaviour.

Believing her and acting on what she has said is 100% the right thing to have done. I can't tell you the damage that can be done to a child when somebody they trust fails to believe them over something like this.

Have you heard of the charity Mothers Against Sexually Abused Children www.mosac.org.uk

You're situation, although extremely difficult, is not unique. You need advice and support on how to proceed te contact and supporting your DD and of course yourself.

I don’t know if you still check in from time to time OP but I hope that you have had more positive news from the CPS and that you are doing ok.

I'm so sorry to have missed all these updates. What a terrible time you have had. I hope the reassurance from SS has helped you. Wishing you a better new year, I hope you are starting to find some peace.

Still do wonder how you are doing OP. I hope you are ok.

I have just found this thread and wanted to say that you are a wonderful mum. You have done right by your child and I would be proud to call you a friend or sister. You are amazing.

The rage, I know it. I was abused as a kid and my mum did nothing about it. That rage re-surfaced as an adult when the guy made contact with my family and I swear some days I could feel my spinal fluid bubbling white hot with anger. I literally popped a filling out by grinding my teeth so hard the tooth split. I had terrible uncontrollable anger that would bottle up to screaming point and the most silly thing would trigger it and then I couldn't stop, this horrid bile of hate would just spill from me and cover the people around me. It took a while, intensive counselling but it did calm down. I also had to address my issues around me feeling out of depth around situations I can not control. Once I learned to start letting small things go, it got easier.

Good luck to you and your daughter. I wish you all the success and happiness in the world and I hope the vile piece of shit that caused this trauma gets hit by a falling tree.

I just read this thread. So sorry to hear this happened & I really hope it's being dealt with as best possible. The very best of luck to you & your daughter.

Thinking of you OP 

Suddenly thought of this thread this morning and thought I'd look through 'I'm on' to see how you are doing OP. I hope things started looking up for you and DD and you got some justice