Controlling partner making me lie

[Feelingthefearnow]

Hi please help
I met my partner three years ago . We quickly moved in together . The relationship was amazing following the volatile marriage I had . It began a very attentive partnership which I'd never experienced . To cut a long story short ... And I don't know how I got here ... But basically I can't do anything now without him knowing . He maps out my every move wants to know when I'm leaving places , when I get there . When my phone goes he wants to know exactly who it is and what they want ... I'm a nervous wreck ... I have told him a couple of lies and said I've stayed at home when I just want a bit of freedom and he found out . He has been calling me a liar and said some nasty things . I don't see anyone anymore and he says if I don't start bringing my friends round and family anymore he will tell them what a liar I am and how badly I've treated him ! He manipulates everything I do . I feel so miserable scared and trapped . I'm constantly walking on egg shells and saying sorry all the time . I feel nobody will believe me as he comes across so nice and polite .. I'm at my wits end

Who leaves the house first, could you gather your important documents and get them to your office or a friend tomorrow? Do you normally give him cash? Leave your bank card with a trusted friend and say you can't find it? Or the bank/payroll has messed up and your money hasn't arrived?

No I transfer it manually on line . He will ask to see my payslip and will call me a liar if I say I've lost my card . He doubts every single thing I say and takes absolutely everything I say to peices even if I drive up the Rd from another direction there are 50 questions and then I look like I'm lying as I'm so nervous answering him

How long is he out of the house during the day?

If it were me, I would leave tomorrow while he is at work.

He has just told me he is working from home tomorrow

Avoid him until as late as possible in the day. Don't transfer the funds. If he asks, say you did it mid afternoon - how weird it's not there. perhaps the bank have messed up. It's a bank holiday weekend so "they can't correct it until Monday".

Ok I will

Where are your children? Do they live with you & him?

They are with me and three nights at their dads

The fact he has announced he Is working from home tomorrow is very chilling. Could there be a chance he knows something is up?

Are you working tomorrow? If you are then this is your escape time....personally, I wouldn't wait.

What did the WA say about calling the police?

Yes, a common tactic is to up the ante when they know you're making moves to leave. Can anyone in real life be with you tomorrow as an escort? Don't be afraid to call the police if you feel at all threatened or scared.

Is he reading this thread? I expect so, sadly

Working from home is so very convenient.

Is your relationship with your ex sufficiently civil for you to find an excuse to take something "the kids have forgotten" and let him know what's going on - I assume that, unless he's a dick of the highest order, he's going to care enough about the kids' welfare to help you to escape safely. (unless, of course, he's a dick, too and would never let them go back to you).

As for surveillance, he doesn't need anything complicated if you have an android phone and he knows your google login, even if you regularly change the code to unlock your phone. With a few clicks on my laptop, I've just found a list of all the places I've been since I got my phone and DH often uses his to check where he's been if he's taken a diversion somewhere he's never been before.

I am in touch on civil terms with ex but that's it . WA said they would speak to me tomorrow re police but call if I feel in danger . I'm quite certain he isn't seeing this as I am using a remote device from my child . not quite sure how I'm going to get out tomorrow as everything I say he doesn't believe which makes me nervous when I am telling him where I am going

GP appointment?

Concern regarding the DC at school?

visit to the bank (thinking of the transfer of money as an excuse)?

He always says he will come with me though

This is really frightening - I am thinking of you, OP, and really hope you get away from this guy...

Does he often work from home, or this the first time? Are your DCs going to school?

I wonder if it might be better to pretend nothing has changed, transfer the money and do whatever the normal weekend is, are your DCs with you or ex this weekend? Then on Tuesday leave with DCs and just don't return.

Unless you can do it tomorrow morning. The sooner the better but your safety is the most important consideration.

If I was you I would get out now. Good luck.

Please please consider the police. I just don't see how anyone else can help better really. He is frightening.

Would it be normal for you to take DCs to School in the morning? And are your things like birth certificates some where you can get them without him noticing?

Yes I take them to school . Birth certs in my car now . I'm hoping he won't ask to come with me when I go out . Thinking about just not going back after school and say I went shopping but left phone in car . Then I know I won't be relaxed at all knowing he knows I'm off the radar

Yes he does sometimes work from home

He's reading this thread.
He is monstrous.
Please be careful.