Controlling partner making me lie

[Feelingthefearnow]

Hi please help
I met my partner three years ago . We quickly moved in together . The relationship was amazing following the volatile marriage I had . It began a very attentive partnership which I'd never experienced . To cut a long story short ... And I don't know how I got here ... But basically I can't do anything now without him knowing . He maps out my every move wants to know when I'm leaving places , when I get there . When my phone goes he wants to know exactly who it is and what they want ... I'm a nervous wreck ... I have told him a couple of lies and said I've stayed at home when I just want a bit of freedom and he found out . He has been calling me a liar and said some nasty things . I don't see anyone anymore and he says if I don't start bringing my friends round and family anymore he will tell them what a liar I am and how badly I've treated him ! He manipulates everything I do . I feel so miserable scared and trapped . I'm constantly walking on egg shells and saying sorry all the time . I feel nobody will believe me as he comes across so nice and polite .. I'm at my wits end

Thanks . Yes I'm just trying to get through the weekend as best I can . It's hard as it's the kind of atmosphere when you've had an argument and it's awkward and tense . I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to closing the door behind me here and getting out now .cant post for too long as he is in house .

Glad you are ok. Not long now till you can be out of there.

Keep safe feeling

Not long now.
Keep going.
You will be free soon.

You'll get through it.
Sending support.

Just read through the whole thread and I feel so proud of how you've taken steps to get out of this situation. Stay strong, you can do it! I hope the bank transfer thing went OK - I would have suggested blocking your password accidently on purpose,then you could show him that it's not working.

You can do this and your life will be so much better after. Nothing gives him the right to treat you like this.

Thanks . WA suggested I contact the bank to put a stop on my online banking . I did this and told them my situation which was a relief . Saying that he hadn't asked for the money yet . He's said why don't we go out tonight and he said and don't come up with any excuses like you are ill or the kids are ill etc so I will have to go

I'm worried that, if you've posted on mumsnet before, he will already know you're a member. If you've stopped posting from your usual laptop, etc, then he might get suspicious and start trawling mumsnet to find you. Your post will jump out at him. You should post something unrelated for example, beauty, recipes, cleaning tips, etc, to keep your regular posting name more 'normal' to him. If he's bugging you, and it sounds like he is, them you need to be seen to be doing the regular things.

Good idea I've tried to look for how I change the title but I can't any ideas ?

Not sure, ask MNHQ

Report one of your posts and ask MNHQ to change the thread title to something more innocuous?

Hope you got through the bank holiday ok.

Iv got everything crossed for you op!

Please talk to your family OP, you'll need support.
Emotional abusers are very good in manipulating things and making everyone believe they are perfect partners..
Plan it carefully though because on the moment you tell him you wanna leave, he will turn very nasty.
Be strong, wish you the best of luck

I just thought, if he is tracking you, are you able to leave a message in yr childs book bag for the teacher to advise them of the situation? So if they are able to help you re speaking to the police/ meeting womens aid then it can all take place on school grounds where you could use the excuse of "oh the teacher needed to see me about the kids maths homework".

Thinking about you lots today OP hope your ok? X

op are you ok? you dont need to update with details but just to let us know you are safe and well?xx

Just read this thread, it's the most chilling one I've ever come across please be safe OP, you're doing amazingly x

I'm ok . I'm out now but was later than planned . Can't help feeling sad for the good times but I suppose that's normal . Just focusing on how my life had become as best I can . Thanks everyone please excuse me not communicating with you before now as I was advised to break for a while

By the way ... It all ended with him telling me how controlling and manipulative I WAS !!! X

You don't have to apologise to us.
You are doing what you need to do.
I'm glad you are out.
Try not to focus on the odd good time you had.
Just remember the nightmare it all became for you.
Well done.
Here's to your new life without control or abuse!

Well done on getting out.

So pleased to hear you are out!
Keep on keeping on etc.
to the rest of your life.

I'm so glad you're out now, I've been thinking about you.

He will say anything he can to shift the blame, don't let him get into your head.

Here's to your new life without him!