Just wanted to update and get some perspective on things as I feel quite overwhelmed. We are back in the house now. I had lots of missed calls initially, then a couple of messages and a very long email from h.
He got a solicitor immediately it seems - one of his acquaintances, I think - he wasted no time. Solicitor had one very long piece of correspondence from him. Big differences between his solicitor letter, what he wrote to me/messages and his actions. All in all though his version is: I have had a breakdown and I don't know what I am doing. I have found it difficult being on my own with the kids while he is abroad all the time, he knows he should be more caring and spend more time with us, and that it's very difficult to connect when he is around hence the 'unfortunate misinterpretations'. He wants me to take the only sensible course of action for the family which is to withdraw everything and set up a meeting between the two of us so getting counselling can be discussed. He does agree to us going to my country after Christmas and agrees with the dates suggested for the children to be with his family.
To me (but not between solicitors) he has said different things. The voicemails are more along the line of pleading not to throw away the good time because of his errors, he loves me and why did I not tell him, we can work through things. It's normal to have disagreements but we need to talk. The email though is not nice. He is concerned about the children being in my care as I am not that well. He is threatening all sorts between the lines, including access to the children and joint account.
Also he took quite a few items of furniture and some artworks. Lots of his clothes and possessions are still here, it doesn't make much sense.
Solicitor says not to worry about the threats about the children and we will cross those bridges when we get to them, she says it always happens. She says it's posturing and trying to look reasonable ahead of return hearing. I don't think the implications of all this have entirely sunk in yet. I just feel extremely sad.
I also feel really awful and that I should have waited until after xmas to do this at least. Dc1 asked a lot of questions when I told them and I am not sure how to answer anymore. I said we were separating and couldn't live together anymore and that their dad was going to live elsewhere and that they would go and stay with him often and still see him. I said it didn't change how much we both loved them and that they would see him v soon. It's still really early days but dc1 doesn't seem to buy my explanation. Seems puzzled as to why H took the items too. This morning same questions. I said H needed the items and it was all right and gave dc1 a hug. But then I started crying. I'm so annoyed with myself for not holding it together this time. Dc1 inferred from that I was sad because H had left us. I said no. Now I don't know what else to say, if anything. I don't want to tell DCs that I am the reason behind their dad having to leave, neither do I want to criticise their father. Dc2 seems fine and hasn't asked anything. Just excited about Xmas, doesn't even seem to have noticed H is not around this weekend. dc1 has always been one for lots of questions so maybe it's just the normal way to process things there, not sure. On the other hand dc1 is also the one who would have picked things up more in the atmosphere lately.
I've even wondered that if the questions continue whether I should email H and tell him dc1 is particularly anxious and might need extra reassurance. I think that would help if he got some but that's not on to do that, is it? It's not really any of my business what he says to the children, is it? also it's going to come back to bite me probably as it's all my fault really now, after serving the orders and petition. H asked about the Xmas presents in his email and I am going to have to respond so I could include something there. But then I need to be careful as I don't want to open a dialogue on other things really. The children are going to see H at his family (where we were all supposed to go). But after that I have no idea yet either. I feel that I am being naive again to think that we can exchange reasonable emails about the kids, aren't I? Is it worth trying?
Sorry to be droning on. We did have a nice afternoon at a play and have something else planned tomorrow so not doom and gloom entirely, but I just feel very anxious about what's going to happen and in need of outside perspectives on this (if you get to this point!!)