Work Stress? Err don't think so mate!

[thenamehaschanged]

I can't copy and paste a link rather annoyingly - but this is my follow on thread from my original How far can he take the stressed from work excuse?

It burst at the seams with all the fantastic MN support I received and so I have started a new one as I carry on my journey of divorcing my very abusive husband.

hi name, its your old pal Rudie here, fancied a name change.
Glad to hear you have your plans afoot, sounds as if you did really well to hold it together with your parent's, sounds like a bit of Karma for them after the appalling way they were to you recently, hang on in there chic,I am rooting for you, we all are :)

Haha thanks Rudie/Tim Burgess and Andara

It looks like my parents house move is going to fall through. This may well mean that they are going to stay here for longer. My mothers mood is swinging wildly between hysterical and zombie....needless to say my cigarette consumption has increased ever so slightly.

Nothing back from the solicitor - she probably thought 'oh yeah, the old I'm not really an alcoholic' routine!

More likely she thought "ah I see the stbxh is following the script nicely".

Nah, she will know it is the stbxh trying to set you up, your solicitor isn't daft and don't forget you went to her first. I really feel for you with the parent situation! you must have the patience of a saint, I swear only your kids deserve you!!!

Thanks Jux and Tim, hope so don't know about the patience of a saint! Maybe - more like just can't say no!

My parents are away for a couple of nights and instead of feeling happy about it I feel low this afternoon. I feel alone, a bit hopeless and low :( I wish I had a lovely partner who loved me and was going to be home soon and was going to make me dinner for a change. Instead I'm stuck with H, not knowing whether or not he'll be coming here, if he does then no doubt he'll be in a controlling mood because my parents aren't here - he'll probably have a go at me about them or about something I have/haven't done.

Bloody hell, it's hard to keep strong on days like this - this miserable weather isn't helping I guess! Proper just get the kids to bed and then go to bed myself weather!

Been following you for a while. Sending you lots of support and a hug (if it isn't to forward!)

You are really brave and coping so well. Your girls are lucky to have such a wonderful mum who loves them so much. You are not hopeless.

I am sorry you have such an abusive H but know that we are all rooting for you!

Oh dear don't be down. Just remember to stay safe. An early night for you and the girls after last nights late one sounds a good idea. I wish I could send you our lovely warm sunny evening. I'm enjoying my cuppa in the garden while kids do the dishes. Have and

Aw thank you startrek! A hug is not too forward at all I really appreciate it :)

Haha sounds great Petunia, sounds like a lovely, well deserved evening for you :)

I'm ok now thank you - have pulled myself out of my slump - took the DD's out to get them some things, then came home, put the heating on for a bit and have had a hot bath - feel loads better :)

Think I'll have a nice and checkout rightmove!!

Have a lovely evening

Yes! H not coming back tonight so I'm having a cheeky small and cackling at First Wives Club!

Hilariously though when he called he said he'd had it out with his sister and paying her rent for her on behalf of her shit Ex - she won't go and see a solicitor because she can't be bothered so he called a couple of solicitors on her behalf and is planning on to take her to an appt soon haha!! Bloody hell my life honestly - I don't know whether this is a good thing or not.

He did comment that maybe I could look at some legal stuff for her too as he's so busy!! Pah haha!!!

He really thinks your stupid doesn't he. If he starts talking about lawyers and divorce he hopes you'll give him intimation about what you're planning on doing or even the name of your SHL. I'd just say. She's best googling and going to meet by herself as she needs to feel comfortable with them. If he wants to go with her them that's fine as you have no more legal experience than him. And it's all about SIL. Just disengage as much as you can he's trying to pull you in.

Hope you slept well and you have a good day.

intimation = information. Stupid phone

Agree with auntpetunia, he's trying to get you to spill information, guaging what you know and how you're thinking. Remember - you know nothing about such things!

Hey everyone - thank you for your last inputs - I have felt things have stalled slightly so haven't been posting as much these last couple of days.

Just wanted to note down here though as these two threads are just as much a journal for me as they are a need for support - but H called today at 6.30pm - was just going to get on a train did I want to meet him somewhere with the kids - I just said no, I wasn't really in the mood - been sitting here uncomfortably, drinking ever since awaiting his return and he hasn't shown up. He's obviously gone out without telling me - it's fine, as you know I prefer it when he isn't here, but I just wanted to remind myself that this is the man who reported me to AA this week and who since 6.30 today I hadn't heard from since Wednesday - and he was suggesting going out?

One bit of good news is things are looking up with my parents house move so they may very well be out of here sooner rather than later which means I can just crack on.

Haven't heard from the solicitor though. Hope she hasn't thought I was being silly or whatever when I emailed her about him calling me an alcoholic. I didn't phone her as I know she's busy.

So I'm anticipating things moving on next week. Freedom Programme, hearing from my solicitor and my parents hopefully moving out!

Have lovely weekends everyone

Solicitors often need a bit of chivvying. If she's busy she will only prioritise those pieces of work that are screaming to be done. So scream! Your case is just as important as any other client's. I don't mean be a big bully customer, but don't be afraid to chase politely if you need something and she just isn't getting back to you.

Thanks Annie I will, I'll give her a call on Monday morning :)

Glad you stood up to him enough to say "no" to going out, better still that you've got a lovely evening to yourself without him

I know Random :) and our evenings will be all the more better in the future when I am no longer anticipating the dreaded key in the door!

Christ knows what time he's going to turn up if at all, but I'll retire to bed soon anyway so as not to have to see him.

He thinks he's punishing me for not wanting to go out tonight haha!

Good let him think it's punishment hopefully he'll stay out more . Glad you've had a good night. Definitely ring SHL on Monday just to check on progress and mention your email, Fridays are chaotic often in family solicitors offices most desperate things that new court action getting done before other stuff. Never be scared to call , the sec will always pass messages on.

Hooray! Lovely quiet night for you. I wonder if he'll have a pressing reason to stay away this weekend - as punishment of course.

Definitely call the solicitor on Monday. I worked briefly for a solicitor and files would come out of cabinets according to what correspondence he got that morning and who phoned during the day. The files would be piled up in the order in which the clients' communication came in and that was his workload for the day. I imagine they all work in pretty much the same way. Their workloads are often enormous, and would make many people quail so they have to be efficient, which includes assuming that clients will contact them rather than wait to be contacted.

Yep Agree Give the solicitor a call Glad hes not under your feet this weekend Name

Pretend to be down about the fact that hes out and he will probably stay out more ....the twunt.

Totally agree with Jux as to how life in a solicitors office works, I've done that as well.

Hope he didn't/doesn't come home at all, and you snd the girls have a lovely weekend.

And of course your SHL doesn't think you're 'silly' to have told her about the AA business - it's more abuse, just subtle, that's all.

(My mum, in the throes of divorce, once told me that 'her bank didn't want her as a customer' because she was divorcing! Think the bank had written to her about the joint account and how she had to close it and open a new one...on her own name. Her perception of herself had changed, and. she thought, the perception of others to her.)

You're doing great, keep it up

Aw thanks captain that made me laugh, your poor mum!

Thanks everyone I'm just keeping on though unfortunately he did return last night, breathed beer fumes all over me and then had a go that I didn't want him sleeping in my bed so he went to the spare room.

He's now in a great mood and wants do 'family things' today although has just scowled at me sitting out here smoking. It's an act of rebellion on my part. Ok he can control the drinking for now but I am naturally self destructive rebellious and can't help needing a crutch, or at least something to take me away from the lounge where he is sat upon his throne.

Thank you everyone

Let the fucker scowl all he wants