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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Work Stress? Err don't think so mate!

999 replies

thenamehaschanged · 02/09/2014 18:49

I can't copy and paste a link rather annoyingly - but this is my follow on thread from my original How far can he take the stressed from work excuse?

It burst at the seams with all the fantastic MN support I received and so I have started a new one as I carry on my journey of divorcing my very abusive husband.

Thanks
OP posts:
Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 07/09/2014 16:29

Yes that's right Madame - he contacted them on my behalf though which was just awful. The woman he spoke to recommended he speak to Al Anon!

Twink he had the flat this February to August.

Thanks
OP posts:
Twinklestein · 07/09/2014 16:32

'Reporting' someone to AA indeed, he's such a tit.

Madamecastafiore · 07/09/2014 16:52

If he's hoping to use thus against you he is a bigger test than you give him credit for. It's all anonymous!

FantasticButtocks · 07/09/2014 16:57

in his eyes my case will look… Try not to care what things look like to him. It really doesn't matter how he sees it, and in fact it would be very odd if he saw things your way Confused all of a sudden. And with the smoking put-downs too, try to remember that now you are onto him, you are observing how he operates. You do not need to engage. Toothy grins… Grin

I'm still perfectly entitled to say I've had enough and it's too little too late even if he's being nice aren't I? YES, of course you are.

You are entitled to say you've had enough for any reason, even if it is because he leaves the top constantly off the toothpaste and doesn't put the loo seat down. Or even for no reason. No one is required to stay in a relationship with someone if they don't want to. Only in your head does the reason to leave him have to be watertight.

He can be as nice as fucking pie, and you are still allowed to leave him.

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 07/09/2014 17:50

Thank you everyone Thanks

Thanks Fantastic!! This thread is keeping me sane Thanks

OP posts:
Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 07/09/2014 18:09

Had a week from hell so only just caught up OP. You are so on to him it's brilliant! It's slow but it will be worth it. You will look back at this one day from a position of massive strength. He will not do so well I suspect.

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 07/09/2014 18:43

Oh thanks Dinnae Thanks I'm sorry you've had a week from hell by the way x

OP posts:
Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 07/09/2014 20:48

Thanks the name been terrible.

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 07/09/2014 21:10

Don't let the bastards grind you down Dinnae Wink

OP posts:
Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 07/09/2014 21:25

DH diagnosed with C. As it goes it is C with a small c as it is looking operable but for a week there I was on a spike! Won't know til a series of scans but should be OK. Don't want to hijack as been following you from the get go as have so many others. this week has taught me that life is short and it is all about quality of life too. I will also say KOKO. You are one of the sanest posters with one of the least sane STBXH's. At least you can now read him like a book and this book will have a happy ending for you. It is shocking the things he is trying, stunts he's pulling and his behaviour generally is atrocious, especially when he has the DDs. It is appalling that he is putting their DM through this mental torture without any apparent conscience about it either. I hate his guts and don't even know him. I have had a bit of it in the past with an ex but I wasn't married and got out when I actually feared for my life. I could just walk away though and no DCs involved. Keep strong!

TimBurgessILoveYourSmile · 07/09/2014 21:35

Hi name!
Sorry for delay, had some RL issues doing my head in,

Would like to send a hug to Dinnaeknowshitfromclay and wish you all the best with your situation right now ....

I am glad your relationship with your parents is improving, its great to hear the positivity come back through, as always my love you are coping really well, so stay head strong, everyday is yet another day down toward your goal, I agree with the wanting to know how sussed you are regarding your rights etc so please don't show him your hand under the guise"of helping his sister" Isn't it about time she helped herself anyway?!

Hope your okay and get to relax a bit this week, hope the SHL pulls her finger out and starts the ball rolling to your conclusion, take care Hun, you're a star :)

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 07/09/2014 21:54

Aw Dinnae! Thanks Thanks I'm so sorry lovey, but sounds like things are manageable? I hope it's all sorted ASAP for you both Thanks And the fact you thought to come back to my thread and offer me support Shock wow - I'm humbled, your words mean everything x

Tim! Hope you're ok too? And again I'm so touched that you have thought to come back here when you've things happening in RL - like I said I hope it's nothing too bad Thanks thank you for your sensible and helpful words.

I honestly think without this thread I would have slipped back into the 'comfort' of amnesia. Of knowing it's abusive but not knowing anything else so you cling to the familiarity rather than take the steps out. I've done that for so long but I'm not now.

I'll get onto my SHL tomorrow (well I hope she's SH Confused)

Love to you both x

OP posts:
Adarajames · 07/09/2014 23:35

Managed to get reception in dead spot we seem to be camping in, wanted to check your weekend hadn't been too difficult! Sounds like you're doing greT, keep it up, you'll soon be free ????

LickleMiss · 08/09/2014 00:03

I just want to say, I'm following this thread, its like a soap!!

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 08/09/2014 07:41

Haha thanks lickle my life feels like a bloody soap! Or at least an episode of Little Britain Grin

Ahh Thanks Adara - yes getting there - feel a little brighter this morning in my mind although my gut still has a mini sinking feeling - think that's more to do with the temp agency interview and having to 'get back out there' from the safety of my little depressive cave!

H was nice this morning - all cutesy voiced and full of positivity for the future and wishes of good luck for me - it's bloody annoying because it makes me feel like a scheming, plotting bitch when he turns on the charm.....ooh for about 5 minutes now though - and then I remember the couple of really nice flats I saw on rightmove that I can picture me and the girls living so happily in once this is all over! Grin

Have a lovely day everyone - (thinking of you Dinnae)

Thanks
OP posts:
Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 08/09/2014 07:42

Thanks Tim thanks Thename . Life throws a curved ball sometimes but us wimmins is ready for 'em eh?

captainmummy · 08/09/2014 07:58

Dinnae - I hope everything goes ok; thinking of you.

Name - good luck with the SHL. Grin

ShinyBlackTaxiCab · 08/09/2014 08:21

Name I just read the whole thread - old and new - last night. I am so worried about you. Do you really have to wait until the papers are served to get away? Won't you be in sufficient immediate danger as soon as you leave him, papers or no papers? I stayed for four days in a similar situation and the mental and emotional toll it took on me was just horrendous. And I had a lot of RL support from my family.

I felt convinced when I was reading the old thread that by the time I got to the new one you'd have escaped this psychopath and be safe. I hope it's just around the corner; I'm so scared for you.

Zazzles007 · 08/09/2014 08:55

H was nice this morning - all cutesy voiced and full of positivity for the future

Unfortunately, he is just deluding himself, which means that when the realisation that you are going through with this hits him, he is going to have that much farther to fall. Remember that you are not responsible for his lies to himself - he also chose to lie to himself and ignore you when you tried to fix the relationship previously. You are not responsible for what he is doing to himself.

KOKO, as they say Smile.

Earsareconstantlyringing · 08/09/2014 20:54

Just checking in to say I'm thinking of you every day name and wondering how it goes at Name Towers. Stay strong, stay focussed on your vision of the future and before you know it, you'll be there.

Sending oodles of love, xxx

WinifredTheLostDenver · 08/09/2014 21:06

Hope it went well with the lawyer today!

RandomMess · 08/09/2014 22:54

The cutsie voice makes me want to vomit on your behalf...

How's your day been?

cheminotte · 09/09/2014 21:31

hope everything is ok with you name

auntpetunia · 09/09/2014 22:38

Just checking in to see how things are going. Hopefully he's been at work and not hasselling you and that your parents are behaving. KOKO

Darkesteyes · 09/09/2014 22:42

Hope you are OK Name. A cutsie voice?! Ugh Vom.

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