thank you all, because now I'm safe

[helpmekeepstrong]

Having been in an abusive relationship and afraid, I started to read Mumsnet. Over a period of months, I began to understand that my life wasn't as it should be. I read more and more threads and came to the conclusion that leaving was going to be a very frightening thing to do. I contacted the DV helpline and started the process. I would never have had the courage to involve the police, living in a very tight and protected community.
I quietly planned, with my sisters, via email, how to get away. Even e-mailing was frightening and secretive. I have no family here, in the UK. I had one friend left and she in the next county. I had my husband with me 24/7 and yet, even living in one caravan, under his nose, quietly, I managed to pack enough clothes and documents. My friend came for me in her car and I got away. He didn't even see me go, we were that quick. I even managed to take my little dog with me.
Now I am hoping to find a place in a refuge and then to house myself and start again. I'm 58 years old and beginning a new life.
Thank you Mumsnet for the threads that saved me.
I have had some days of peace which have been wonderful.
Tonight I had a message that he wants to talk to me. I don't want to talk to him.
So I will not.
Any of you, reading this and wondering if you can..... you can.
If I did it, it is surely possible for you.

But you know now, OP. That's the difference....
Good on you.

You are an amazing, strong woman.

OP you are truly amazing. I wish you all the happiness in the world!

And, you do realise that by posting this you are helping others that may be lurking and too frightened to post don't you? What a wonderful thing to do.

This is why Mumsnet is brilliant.

I lurked for ages and that is how I understood that my life wasn't as it should be and had the courage to get away.
So...... to Mumsnetters and on your [bike} to abusers

that went a bit awry of course

What a wonderful thread

To a new beginning

Well done - thanks for returning to post your story, it's very inspiring. Enjoy the moments of peace and freedom you have bravely created for yourself. You have a new life to live now.

Congratulations on your freedom!

I walked out of an abusive relationship 13 years ago. Like you I just left and never looked back.

Life just gets better and better and you discover who you are again. You aren't yourself when you are in a relationship like that. Love isn't real love it's more like stokholm syndrome.

Keep moving forward.

Congratulations!

Such inspirational post!
I wish you all the best

Wow how fantastic you are OP. I'm another with tears in my eyes Good luck help you have a wonderful future ahead of you

tears here too!

Its so hard, well done on getting this far !!
I remember the jelly legs and shaking when walking away quite innocently to the shop, waiting to be stopped by them, the sheer terror, the disbelief you'd physically escaped.
Keep going OP, a better more peaceful life is in front of you.

Night all.
I don't think I will have internet where I am going, so when I get to the library, I'll update and let you know how lovely my life becomes.
I'm apprehensive, but so excited.
A new chapter!
Thank you for all your kind and uplifting comments.
Mumsnetters Rule!
Always, you think you can't.... but you can.

Onwards and upwards OP

Morning OP. You sound happier and stronger already. Wishing for a happy future for you.

Wow, OP, I am so happy and relieved for you, you are amazing!
Hope the move today goes well, welcome to your new life

Here's some thoughts for the post that asks things you miss about your ex:-
I'm in a refuge and I miss lots. Miss his love, don't miss his temper. Miss his affection, don't miss his temper. Miss my home. Don't miss his temper. Miss all the things I left as I ran. Don't miss his temper. Miss my stepson. Now I can have no contact. Two weeks since I left. No contact. Still don't miss his temper. (keep saying that to yourself girl, you'll get there.)

Yes, keep remembering his temper.
It will get better.

Thanks Lweji hanging on by my finger nails, but hanging on. Deeply lonely. Trying everyday to get up and get on. For the first time in my life having to put myself at the mercy of the Jobcentre Plus. (Not good). The library is a refuge in itself. The women here are a support - look! one of them has shown me how to connect my phone to the laptop so that I can come on Mumsnet..... so things are looking up! Keep looking out for me Mumsnetters. Please. I don't want to sink.

help
I have to tell you that out of all the many inspirational stories on MN I find yours is by far the most inspirational of all I have read.
I love your story of leaving the caravan with your suitcase in the wheelie bin and taking your little dog and driving off with your friend to your new safe life. I almost gave a little cheer when I got to the end of it.
You deserve to be safe and happy and so does your little dog!

Keep posting when you need support.

Taking one day at a time is a good idea.
Or having a list of things you can keep ticking and to look at reassuringly as time goes by.
You can do it.

Gosh help, you are an amazing individual! Congratulations on escaping your ex and starting a new life! Minimising and believing that you are exaggerating is part of coming to terms with abuse I think - sometimes it's too much to see and accept in one go so your brain drip feeds you so you can accept it bit by bit. I hope that makes sense.

Hopefully once you settle into the refuge and start the freedom programme you will meet other wonderful women in RL and you won't feel so lonely. You had some massive changes and though they are positive it must still be so hard for you, I really admire your courage. Keep moving forwards xx

De lurking to say keep strong and you have done an amazing thing. I'm sure it is lonely and hard, but so was your relationship.

You won't sink. Once you have learned to swim you never forget.

Take good care of yourself. And be proud, on here you will have shown others that there is another way of living.