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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

thank you all, because now I'm safe

235 replies

helpmekeepstrong · 12/08/2014 00:01

Having been in an abusive relationship and afraid, I started to read Mumsnet. Over a period of months, I began to understand that my life wasn't as it should be. I read more and more threads and came to the conclusion that leaving was going to be a very frightening thing to do. I contacted the DV helpline and started the process. I would never have had the courage to involve the police, living in a very tight and protected community.
I quietly planned, with my sisters, via email, how to get away. Even e-mailing was frightening and secretive. I have no family here, in the UK. I had one friend left and she in the next county. I had my husband with me 24/7 and yet, even living in one caravan, under his nose, quietly, I managed to pack enough clothes and documents. My friend came for me in her car and I got away. He didn't even see me go, we were that quick. I even managed to take my little dog with me.
Now I am hoping to find a place in a refuge and then to house myself and start again. I'm 58 years old and beginning a new life.
Thank you Mumsnet for the threads that saved me.
I have had some days of peace which have been wonderful.
Tonight I had a message that he wants to talk to me. I don't want to talk to him.
So I will not.
Any of you, reading this and wondering if you can..... you can.
If I did it, it is surely possible for you.

OP posts:
RhinosAreFatUnicorns · 12/08/2014 12:25

Best thread I've read in ages. Well done OP. Wishing you all the best for your bright future :)

Meerka · 12/08/2014 12:32

lovely to read this. so pleased you have a new life and fresh air to breath and space to be yourself and spread your wings wide.

All the best for the future, helpme

juliascurr · 12/08/2014 12:37

nice work, op

PurplePidjin · 12/08/2014 12:45

Huge congratulations, and full respect to you for making such an enormously brave decision and acting on it. I hope you can serve as an inspiration for other people in similar circumstances - use that thought to keep your spirits up over the next few months Thanks

beccajoh · 12/08/2014 12:49

Well done for making such a big step. I wish you well for your future.

BlueLaceAgate · 12/08/2014 14:22

You're an inspiration, with your courage and strength. Congratulations on your new life. May you and little dog on a string be very, very happy.
It's never too late to make a new start.

WoodenTopps · 12/08/2014 14:29

So very glad that you and your little dog on a string are safe. You're an inspiration Flowers

LemonBreeland · 12/08/2014 14:29

Congratulations on getting away. You really had a very difficult escape, and you did it. Truly an inspiration to others. I hope it will help other people realise it can be done.

BertieBotts · 12/08/2014 14:31

Your post put tears in my eyes :) I'm so glad you're happy and peaceful now.

helpmekeepstrong · 12/08/2014 15:16

Thank you everyone, not feeling quite so strong today and am finding it hard to get a place in a refuge, but at least I am safe.

Once again, to anyone who thinks they can't - you can.
If I can go from isolation and fear to safety, then so can you.

PS!!! Since typing the above.... I have just be given a place in a refuge!!! YEAY! 15 minutes by train from one of my daughters, near enough to my friend and far away from him.

Now everything is possible and I have spoken to some of the most supportive and kind women in the world.

Thank you!

OP posts:
Meerka · 12/08/2014 15:17

oh what lovely news! :)

helpmekeepstrong · 12/08/2014 15:23

My day has gone from utter despair to joy..... and not being able to really believe my good fortune!
Feel wrung out!
So happy!

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 12/08/2014 15:23

Congratulations on your escape! And what a wonderful friend you have there. So pleased you have your place in the refuge, and so close to one of your DDs and your friend!

Stay strong - you've done the hardest part - now you just have to stick with it and STAY AWAY from him. Thanks

LuisSuarezTeeth · 12/08/2014 15:30

Just WOW.

You are amazing Thanks

kaykayblue · 12/08/2014 15:40

You are a remarkable woman OP. A huge congratulations to you, and I truly hope that you can start to fill your life with wonderful things from now on.

It may well get harder before it gets easier, but you have proved that you have the strength to get through it.

Massive virtual bear hug from me.

AdoraBell · 12/08/2014 15:43

Fantastic Thanks

You are amazing.

SputnikSausage · 12/08/2014 16:01

OP, you are amazing, you truly are. The hardest bit is over now - you deserve all the love and happiness in the world. Flowers

frumpypigskin · 12/08/2014 16:32

Your thread is utterly inspiring. I am so pleased that things are going well for you. Stay strong and build a brilliant life for yourself. You can do anything you want to.

DiaryOfAWimpyMum · 12/08/2014 16:38

Well done OP> Flowers

LemonBreeland · 12/08/2014 18:32

So happy for you that you have got a place in a refuge. This is truly the start of a new life for you.

DoctorTwo · 12/08/2014 19:51

Great news Op, thank you for telling us. Enjoy your life now, free from your abusive arsehole. We're here if you want to talk. :)

helpmekeepstrong · 13/08/2014 15:39

A quick update. I know that not everybody is as fortunate as I am and I just want to tell anyone who may be stuck and afraid that there is hope.
I move into my refuge tomorrow in a new town. I am so excited!
I will be doing the Freedom Programme to help me understand how an intelligent and articulate woman could be reduced to a virtual prisoner. The support worker said that in 12 years, mine was the most harrowing case she had heard.... I thought you only really qualified as abused when he broke your bones. I only got clouts and thumps and things thrown at me and locked out in the cold and made to sit still and quiet and so on .... but she says it can be very bad when they get into your head. I still think I must be exaggerating and someone will send me back to him.
Because he loves me and made me promise never to leave him. Or I would die.
That's the power he has had no has, sadly, still.
But listen, anyone who is in doubt, I got away, I am safe and tomorrow I start a new chapter.
I don't think it will be plain sailing. He's still in my head, but not in my vicinity.
I have to see the Job Centre, I have to find housing. I haven't a penny and my credit rating has been wrecked by my DH - so going into the private sector is probably a no-no.
But I am free and I am supported.
I am spending the whole day alone, today, at my friends. As the day goes on I feel less and less spooked and will put my little dog on her string and my pal's dog on a lead to take them across the fields! Now that, in my eyes in progress!
Take heart x

OP posts:
GoatsDoRoam · 13/08/2014 15:47

You "only" got clouts and thumps and were locked outside in the cold...?

Shock

That is terrible. I hope all the help you are getting will help you see the magnitude of just how terrible that treatment is.

I love the fact that you are focusing on such healthy practicalities as jobs and housing and dog walks. Those things are good and honest and real - not any of the distorted reality that he painted for you.

Lolly86 · 13/08/2014 15:51

Wonderful news x

RalphGnu · 13/08/2014 16:06

I have tears in my eyes reading this thread. I'm so happy for you and wish you all the very best in your new life.

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