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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

he threw hot chocolate in my face

308 replies

bloodynora · 02/02/2014 10:49

This morning my partner lost his temper with me and threw a (paper) cup of hot chocolate at my face across the table. It hit me on the side of the head

The hot chocolate was lukewarm.

I am in shock. I actually have no idea what to do

OP posts:
Wherehasmyconfidencegone · 02/02/2014 10:50

Leave

YouStayClassySanDiego · 02/02/2014 10:51

What's the situation now, is he still in the house?

makesamesswhenstressed · 02/02/2014 10:51

Well, technically it is abuse. Nobody should ever throw things at another erson - ESPECIALLY one they purport to love. We're teaching our toddler that lesson already.

How do you generally feel around him when he loses his temper?

karmakoala · 02/02/2014 10:52

Pack his bags and lock the door behind him

mumblechum1 · 02/02/2014 10:52

Yep. Would he have done that to one of his friends or a work colleague? Of course not. Tell him you want some time to think about your options and that you want him out of the house for a week.

If he doesn't go, is there anywhere you could go for a few days, ideally a hotel?

AuntieStella · 02/02/2014 10:54

Even as a one off that's serious.

Has he form for angry outbursts?

PandaFeet · 02/02/2014 10:54

This morning my partner lost his temper with me

He lost his temper. Period. It was not with you, you did not make him throw that hot chocolate.

A man who makes you feel like his actions are your fault, is not a good man to be with.

Original poster
bloodynora · 02/02/2014 10:55

I'm not going. I cant go. This is my house and I have 3 children, Not his.

Im shaking.
He has gone out but not gone if you know what i mean

OP posts:
AliceinWinterWonderland · 02/02/2014 10:56

Then I would tell him to leave. Immediately. Next time it might be a HOT drink. Or at one of your children. Don't take that chance.

AuntieStella · 02/02/2014 10:57

Where has he gone? How long will he be out for?

Did the DC see what happened?

DottyboutDots · 02/02/2014 10:58

If it was just you, than it might be worth taking a day or two to consider but with children seeing this you need to sort it out quickly. This is VERY BAD INDEED. Do you have any male friends that can come over? Are you able to tell him that it is over and ask where to send his immediately needed stuff?

This seems to be a situation that you need space and to come to grips with. How long have you been seeing him?

Jemma1111 · 02/02/2014 11:01

This would be the end for me.

What will he do to you next time I wonder, and there WILL be a next time and many more after that if you stay with this bastard.
l

wontletmesignin · 02/02/2014 11:04

Have his bags outside for him coming home and lock the doors. If this isnt is his house then dont let him back in and call the police if he kicks up a fuss.

Things will only get worse and next time it may be scolding - rather than lukewarm.

The damage that could do to your face!
Dont take any risks...get rid of him.

Doha · 02/02/2014 11:07

It really doesn't matter how hot the hot chocolate was--this could have been so much worse and what if he had thrown it at your DC's?. That constitutes an assault and he can be reported to the police for it.
He needs to be gone for good

MyNameIsKenAdams · 02/02/2014 11:08

Pack his shit and leave it on the kerb.

Double lock your door.

Text him and say that when hecomes for his stuff to post the keys through the letterbox.

Original poster
bloodynora · 02/02/2014 11:14

The children did not see, The elder two re out and the youngest (9) was in his bedroom.

This time

I think I do know what I need to do. I'm just in shock, and so sad. I have been with him for 3.5 years

OP posts:
LoveUall · 02/02/2014 11:16

omg what if it was red hot though? would that of made a difference to him throwing it. My only advice is what the other ladies have said, this is not the sort of situation anyone wants to be in

LEMmingaround · 02/02/2014 11:20

"I'm not going. I cant go. This is my house and I have 3 children, Not his."

This is a no brainer then - call a locksmith, get the locks changed, or do it yourself it isn't actually that difficult (im sure there's something on you-tube). Pack his clothes - leave in bag in front garden/on street. Tell him he should come and collect them before it rains. Tell hiim you phone the police if he comes back.

Why did he do it?

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 02/02/2014 11:21

Disgusting behaviour!! Would he have thrown it at his boss? Am old lady in the street? A child? No - he's done it to you, believing you'll tolerate it.
Please say you won't!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/02/2014 11:32

bloodynora

This relationship of 3.5 years is now well and truly dead.

My guess is too that you have been abused in other ways till now (he was testing you to see how far he could go) and this was the first time he has been physical towards you. This is also a police matter because it is domestic violence but you probably will not report it out of fear, shame and embarrassment; three feelings you really should not take any ownership of at the time.

Pack his stuff and dump it on the road in front of your house. Get the locks changed. He has no right to remain there now anyway not after this. You'd be an idiot to take him back.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 02/02/2014 11:38

Bag his clothes, put them outside and lock the door.

Tomorrow, get the locks changed and make it clear to him that the relationship is over.

He's a twat, don't fall for any of his flannel.

qazxc · 02/02/2014 11:39

Call police, pack his stuff up and leave outside for him to collect, change locks.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you but IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

DottyboutDots · 02/02/2014 11:51

bloodynora I hope you're ok and taking steps to keep yourself safe. How has he been previously with you? Angry or threatening?

Original poster
bloodynora · 02/02/2014 11:58

He has never done anything to me like this before.

we have been under a lot of strain recently for external reasons.

it seems that this is the way he reacts when under stress. I need to think.
I cant see a way past this if I am honest

OP posts:
MrsWolowitz · 02/02/2014 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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