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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

he threw hot chocolate in my face

308 replies

bloodynora · 02/02/2014 10:49

This morning my partner lost his temper with me and threw a (paper) cup of hot chocolate at my face across the table. It hit me on the side of the head

The hot chocolate was lukewarm.

I am in shock. I actually have no idea what to do

OP posts:
dramajustfollowsme · 23/02/2014 21:41

Well done, you have taken that first giant step. I thought when I read your posts at the beginning of the month that you might not manage.
It will be hard and he will try all kinds of things to get back. Don't let him. I imagine your house and children will feel very different without the parasite.
Good luck.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 23/02/2014 21:52

Good for you.

Debt can be dealt with.

You've git rid of the biggest millstone from round your neck.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 23/02/2014 21:52

Onwards and upwards.

Wishyouwould · 23/02/2014 21:55

Well done OP you should be really proud of yourself. Stay strong (hugs)

Original poster
bloodynora · 23/02/2014 21:59

I think the DC are all pleased, although all I have said for now is that he has gone away for a bit. There was just SO much wrong with the whole relationship. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed with thinking, and the practicalities of managing the kids and the dog with him not here. I will, and I can, do it, but its an overwhelming feeling.

I need to change the locks.

OP posts:
PikaAchooo · 23/02/2014 22:02

Well done OP. Def get the locks changed and pack up anything he has left. It will be an excuse for him to turn up, or even just a reminder. Neither of which you need right now.

Good luck

WhotheWhat · 23/02/2014 22:10

Good for you. I've been thinking about your thread and good for you.

Original poster
bloodynora · 23/02/2014 22:15

Packing up his stuff is not so easy. Think half a house load. I'm not thinking about that at the moment.

OP posts:
Hegsy · 23/02/2014 22:16

Well done op Thanks

Pickofthepops · 23/02/2014 22:17

Well done you. Massive respect.

ohfourfoxache · 23/02/2014 22:41

You are incredible, well done x

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 23/02/2014 22:53

Well done!!

I remember this thread and have thought of you often.

You're in debt because of him? I'd certainly make sure that anything valuable was sold, not packed up for him to retrieve.

DreamingofSummer · 23/02/2014 23:19

Well done you. The start of a much better life!

AnyFuckerHQ · 23/02/2014 23:25

You have done the right thing

Stay strong now

makemineapinot · 23/02/2014 23:52

Well done, you've taken the hardest step. Change the locks, and as Bruno said, sell anything if his if value - see it as unpaid rent. Get angry, that makes you strong. Enjoy your dc again, and make time for yourself. You will get through it, thought I wouldn't either but I did x

FabULouse · 23/02/2014 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TimeToPassGo · 23/02/2014 23:53

Well done OP. You have done the right thing. Please don't let him weasel his way back. Get the locks changed and move on with your life Thanks

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 24/02/2014 00:23

OP that update was a relief to read. Well done.

Holly300 · 24/02/2014 00:29

OP I can understand how you feel. My oh has been va for the 13 years we've been together. In that time he has also thrown things and broken things. Punched a whole in the kitchen and lounge doors, smashed plates, kicked in front door when I tried to lock him out when he was scaring me. A couple of times he got physical with me, one night a few years ago we had a massive argument (funnily enough involving his mum!) and he threw a vase of flowers in my face, and punched me in the mouth. Another time he spat in my face. A couple of years ago we were arguing about something silly and he didn't like what I had to say so he dropped the iron he was holding on my foot. The iron wasn't on and had no water in it and thank god I was wearing highs shoes so it didn't cause any physical damage - but it could have done! He laughed in my face when I said I couldn't believe he had done it. After all it hadn't caused any damage!! But it could have done! And I don't believe for one moment that when someone gets into a rage, they start evaluating in their head the physical damage they will cause!! It is so normal to feel numb afterwards. Please trust me on this, he won't change and you will regret it if you don't make him leave asap. You don't need to worry about where he will stay, you just need to worry about the safety of your children and yourself. He is not sorry, but is likely to say all the things you want to hear. Please don't fall for it like I did. No good will come of this. Hope you're ok! PLEASE speak to someone in RL. You and kids do not deserve this!!!

Holly300 · 24/02/2014 00:32

Just read latest messages... Well done! You should be proud of yourself!! Stick to your guns and don't look back x

FreakinScaryCaaw · 24/02/2014 00:50

Well done Op.

And just think of all that extra space Wink

Meerka · 24/02/2014 08:48

Well done. And its lovely to hear that your children are generally pleased. That in itself shows that you're way better off.

to the future :) Wine

womblesofwestminster · 24/02/2014 10:52

Phew! Good riddance!

He has become bullying, sarcastic and frankly nasty to my two eldest children.

:( In what way?

MaryWestmacott · 24/02/2014 11:49

Well done Nora! You know long term it's the right choice.

Re packing up his stuff, do a little at a time, or one room at a time, perhaps start with the obvious, any clothes of his still in your bedroom, pack those up for him (and any in the washing basket). Give it a few days, then pick another room, bathroom next? Then the kitchen (that'll be harder) then living room. If you do it little by little, it won't see so huge and you'll have a better idea of what you need to replace. Do you have a garage or shed you could store it all in so it's physcially out of the house and collected in one place for you (so easier when he does come to collect, and when he does, make sure you have someone else with you).

Sad51 · 24/02/2014 12:57

Leave. You were not responsible for this. He cannot control his anger which makes him dangerous.

My abusive ex regularly kicked me off the bed when I annoyed him. He once slapped me hard with a towel. He hit me with an umbrella. He swore and shouted at me. I stayed so he continued. He accused me of making him angry and I believed him. I was scared of him. Leaving him was such a relief. I did not miss him at all.

Even when dh changes his tone, I become anxious as it brings it all back.