Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

he threw hot chocolate in my face

308 replies

bloodynora · 02/02/2014 10:49

This morning my partner lost his temper with me and threw a (paper) cup of hot chocolate at my face across the table. It hit me on the side of the head

The hot chocolate was lukewarm.

I am in shock. I actually have no idea what to do

OP posts:
matildamatilda · 02/02/2014 17:59

I'm sorry he's done this.

You mention that your youngest didn't see it. Please don't kid yourself that he somehow couldn't figure out what was going on. Your kids need to not grow up with that garbage.

Original poster
bloodynora · 02/02/2014 19:27

He knew something. He helped me clear the mess up.

I cant think. I have not spoken to him since earlier but he is still here. I feel like aline has been crossed. Previously he has thrown things but not at me. escalation?

OP posts:
BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 02/02/2014 19:31

Yes a line has been crossed.

Yes it is escalation.

Yes it is the classic domestic violence scenario. Throwing things , anger, escalating to a first, always regretted attack on the person - throwing something at them rather than hitting them is typical. Next he will hit you.

Your children are at risk. As are you.

I know how difficult it must be. But you need to get him out. Can you call anyone? Talk to someone?

wontletmesignin · 02/02/2014 19:31

Definitely escalation. Throwing things is intimidation and just as bad as actually throwing things at you.

Honestly, get out now. A line was crossed the minute he started indimidation tactics. He is well over that line throwing things directly at you.
He is not going to change for the better -only for the worst.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 02/02/2014 19:31

Yes, escalation.

It'll get worse.

Logg1e · 02/02/2014 19:34

It's not too late to get him out of the house.

What have you both been doing all day??

BuzzardBird · 02/02/2014 19:36

You already have all the answers.

expatinscotland · 02/02/2014 19:37

Yes, it's an escalation. Next time, he will hit you or your kids.

Get him out. NOW.

lunar1 · 02/02/2014 19:38

I hope you find the strength to throw him out.

Lweji · 02/02/2014 19:40

You do need to tell him to leave.
From someone who's been there, it will get worse. :(

Maybe get your family in when you do it, so that he doesn't lash out at you.

HandragsNGladbags · 02/02/2014 19:59

Would you do to your DC what he has done to you? If you wouldn't why not?

That's your answer about what is wrong with your relationship with this man.

Layter · 02/02/2014 20:18

Nora, this happened to me too, over something equally trivial. It left me feeling shaky and scared. It took all my courage to tell someone but when I did I never looked back.

Telling someone in rl will give you perspective on this and there is masses of help available. What gave me the resolve to go and get help was the prospect that this was the behaviour that we were normalising for our child.

My ex crocodile teared when I returned to pick up mine and ds' clothes, he tried to press every possible button that would make me change my mind and stay. All bullshit. He said to someone else later 'oh it was alright, I'd checked the temperature of the tea first.'

Please go Nora, that first leap is scary but you will feel a weight off.

oldgrandmama · 02/02/2014 20:35

Dearest girl, next time it may be HOT chocolate/coffee/tea ... and might be at your or at your chidlren. From your post, I understand it's your house. Sling him out. There's no going back from this.

ohfourfoxache · 02/02/2014 20:44

Massive, massive escalation.

He has thrown things before.

Now he throws a drink at you.

What next? Hitting you? Hitting your dc?

Then what? Putting you in hospital? Putting your dc in hospital, just because he lost his temper?

He needs to get a fucking grip. And you need to get him out Sad

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 02/02/2014 20:50

LTB

Seriously. What further behaviour will you put up with? What if next time it's your kids?

HelloBoys · 02/02/2014 20:55

I tell you this as a friend of someone who was abused and whose best friend's mum was abused.

It'll get worse you'll put up with it. He'll hit your kids. The moment he threw that drink whether its hot or cold is the moment he's out. Even throwing things is unacceptable.

Please don't be won over and change locks and his stuff out.

AnyFucker · 02/02/2014 21:00

I thought you said you cleared up the mess ?

justanuthermanicmumsday · 02/02/2014 21:02

I've seen domestic abuse growing up. If my husband threw something at me then carried on like nothing happened I'd be making arrangements to leave him for good. if however he immediately apologised and it never occurred again I'd forgive and stay. Some may say this is weak, even stupid but I believe in forgiveness and second chances if remorse is shown and the behaviour never occurs again.

But you have indicated he has thrown things in the past in anger I suppose? And now he has hurled this drink in your face and then never apologised just went about his normal day. I'm sorry this has happened I wish I could help.

be strong and do what is best for you and your kids. aside from this incident it doesn't sound like he respects you either he should have been begging for forgiveness when you said its over, yet he said "whatever" think about it carefully. I wish you and your children only the best.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 02/02/2014 21:02

Is he working tomorrow OP? If he is I suggest you pack him a bag and get the locks changed. It does appear to be escalation. Even if he never harms a head on your DC head they will see what he does to their Mum and that can be just as bad. Not only the fact they will see it but they may learn from it to.

For the sake of you and your DC please don't allow him to continue this behavior.

Original poster
bloodynora · 02/02/2014 21:14

I cleared up the mess with 9 year old DS

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 02/02/2014 21:15

How did your 9 yr old child think the mess was made?

Logg1e · 02/02/2014 21:16

How are you doing this evening OP?

FunkyBoldRibena · 02/02/2014 21:21

It's your house, all you have to do is get the locks changed when he is next out. If it's a Yale, it takes less time than it took to clear up the mess.

They escalate to warm drinks to test the water. If you accept this, it gets ramped up. You know that, so don't accept it in any way.

uggmum · 02/02/2014 21:27

Years ago I had a boyfriend who did this. It was valentines day, he gave me 2 presents. The evening was going well. But his mood changed suddenly and he threw a cup of hot tea straight at me. It hit me in the face vas all down my front. I was completely shocked. He didn't apologise, he stormed around. I walked out and never went back (we didn't live together) I never contacted him again, I ignored his calls. I was really close with his sister. She passed on his apologies but didn't see it as a big issue. She told me to forgot it, said he was tired after a long day!
I never spoke to her again either.

I was totally shocked but I stayed firm. To be honest there had been other warning signs that I only noticed with hindsight.

TheSmallPrint · 03/02/2014 06:39

How are you this morning Op? Is he still there?

Swipe left for the next trending thread