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Original poster

Dh keeps doing something I don't like in bed

560 replies

Moochicken · 02/09/2013 22:10

Without wanting to go into too much detail, dh keeps doing something during sex which I don't like. I ask him not to and after a few minutes he does it anyway.

It doesn't happen every time but he did it again last night. He apologized after and said he won't do it again (he says this everytime) and now he can't understand why I'm still pissed off.

How seriously would you take this? If I said no and stopped sex he would listen and would never force me to do something but I still feel uncomfortable that he basically ignores my wishes.

OP posts:
BabylonReturns · 02/09/2013 22:13

Deal breaker for me.

What is it that he does though? I have to tell DH to leave my nipples alone on occasion, but that's because of BFing.

If he ignored me, he'd be getting nothing more than sleep at bedtime.

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 02/09/2013 22:13

You have to tell us what it is! He sounds very inconsiderate and selfish to keep doing something he clearly knows you don't like. I would ban sex until he got the message.

Tailz · 02/09/2013 22:14

Nope, I wouldn't be happy at all. He's being disrespectful and a knob
It's pathetic behaviour, immature and he simply doesn't sound v nice

Xales · 02/09/2013 22:16

Get out of bed and stop the sex. Every time he does it. Tell him it puts you off and ruins your enjoyment so you do not want to continue.

ShatnersBassoon · 02/09/2013 22:17

Stop sex and insist that he stops it if you think that will do the trick, and remind him every time you have sex that he must not do that thing or it will upset you.

It sounds very unpleasant and selfish.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 02/09/2013 22:17

What is he doing?

BitBewildered · 02/09/2013 22:17

Is it something he does to you or to himself?

CailinDana · 02/09/2013 22:17

Total dealbreaker for me. Trust is fundamental in a relationship and you can't trust someone who just does what he likes to your body against your wishes. In fact depending on what it actually is it could amount to sexual abuse.

Yawner247 · 02/09/2013 22:17

Another one requesting you to spill the beans...what is he upto?! I would be pissed off and sex would be off the menu until he had managed to restrain himself!

Mabelface · 02/09/2013 22:18

Stop the sex. Say "I asked you not to do that as I don't like it, and you haven't listened again. I will not have sex if you insist on doing something that I don't like, and you could actually damage our relationship"

MaryLovesDick · 02/09/2013 22:19

You've told him once and that should be enough. Tell him if he does it again, he's getting nothing.

It's completely disrespectful and is a huge turn off. It's not how you treat someone you love in my books.

ageofgrandillusion · 02/09/2013 22:19

Spill the beans OP.

saintmerryweather · 02/09/2013 22:19

my ex used to do stuff like this. id tell him to stop but he wouldnt think.i was serious, or he liked to do it so he would wait a while then try again. dont.put up with it and be as insistent as you need to be that it has to stop

LazyMonkeyButler · 02/09/2013 22:19

Unless it's something like pulling an off-putting face (which may be involuntary) I simply wouldn't be having sex with him!

P.S. What is it?

CoffeeandScones · 02/09/2013 22:20

Does it matter what it is? If the OP doesn't like it, then that's enough.

AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat · 02/09/2013 22:21

I'd make sure he knew how seriously I disliked it by stopping 'it' when he started to do it.

I think he'd soon get the message how much you didn't like it then, no? :)

ShatnersBassoon · 02/09/2013 22:22

Yes, we do need to know how invasive the thing is really, to decide if it's a dealbreaker.

chattychattyboomba · 02/09/2013 22:22

Need to know what he does.i'll start- Mine tweaks my nipples. It makes me Angry!!! I actually feel like punching him when he does it (let alone continuing sex) but he says 'oops sorry' straight away and I think it is genuinely an impulse and he doesn't know he's doing it (which says how much he is 'present' and worried about my own bloody enjoyment!) but this is not about me... Just wanted you to know you're not alone

CailinDana · 02/09/2013 22:23

It does matter coffee. Annoying grunting = icky and offputting but not major. Repeatedly attempting something like anal against the op's wishes= total disrespect bordering on criminal.

ShatnersBassoon · 02/09/2013 22:23

It might be an odd noise, which would be forgivable.

thenightsky · 02/09/2013 22:23

I've dumped exes for this. You shouldn't have to put up with it OP.

Original poster
Moochicken · 02/09/2013 22:23

He likes putting his finger in my bum. I don't enjoy it and find it quite a turn off. Not because I think its wrong or anything, I just don't think it feels very nice.

He's really into the idea of anal sex too but it really doesn't appeal so (apart from one drunken night when I thought I'd give it a try- unsuccessfully) I've always said no.

OP posts:
thenightsky · 02/09/2013 22:26

See I knew this is what you were going to say OP. Like I said, I've dumped for this very offence. Instant turn off!

CailinDana · 02/09/2013 22:26

Dealbreaker then. He's consciously and repeatedly stepping over a very clear boundary.

perfectstorm · 02/09/2013 22:27

Think it depends, as has been said. If it's a groan or nightmare face, which as has been said may be involuntary, then I'd accept it. If he said stuff I didn't like it would depend on how and why it offended me - pet names might be a turnoff, misogynist dirty talk and he'd be on the sofa.

If he's doing something to your body with his you don't like then I would hit the freaking roof. That's a disgusting attitude to have during sex. The other person's body is not your property. You're a guest. And I would kick him out that second, each and every time, personally until he got the idea that his actions = end to sex.

Apart from anything else, the selfishness is staggering. It's like your pleasure is an irrelevance if it's a chosen action.