Dh keeps doing something I don't like in bed

[Moochicken]

Without wanting to go into too much detail, dh keeps doing something during sex which I don't like. I ask him not to and after a few minutes he does it anyway.

It doesn't happen every time but he did it again last night. He apologized after and said he won't do it again (he says this everytime) and now he can't understand why I'm still pissed off.

How seriously would you take this? If I said no and stopped sex he would listen and would never force me to do something but I still feel uncomfortable that he basically ignores my wishes.

I like to scratch. most of my previous partners like to be scratched. my most recent ex did not. he told me once. io never did it again. because he did not like it. And that mattered to me.
Tempted though i might be in the heat of passion. i reigned it in. and do you know what i coped. because i am not n abuser who puts my needs first.

It is that simple.

Humpty Dumpty replies "When I use a word it means just what I choose it to mean ? neither more nor less."

Seems to be a view quite a few subscribe to - whether it's the meaning of "frigid" or of "sexual assault" (which the law, as quoted upthread, really is quite clear and unambiguous about).

No, oxford of course no one should ever do anything in bed they're not comfortable with. Inconsensual sex is a crime.

blueskies it does not border on sexual assault, it IS sexual assault.

blueskies, I base my presumption of lack of intelligence on the repeated incorrect use of the term frigid. Also making up words like inconcensual.

It would only be hypocritical of me to comment on someone's intelligence regarding a certain subject if I myself were unintelligent. Which I am not.

Still, by your definition, then you agree that the OP has suffered sexual assaults. There is no bordering, what has happened is perfectly clear.

If someone repeatedly tried to make me do stuff sexually that made me unhappy they would be history. It has jack shit to do with compatibility and everything to do with being a twat

You can't call someone frigid just because they favour certain sexual positions!! What a bizarre thing to say.
So many people making huge assumptions about people they don't know based on the fact that they don't like the same things as them.
Very arrogant and extremely bad form.

Just for your benefit, blue, and any other new visitors who feel a bit mixed up: FRIGID is not a matter of opinion, it's a medical definition. SEXUAL ASSAULT is not a point of view, it's a legal definition.

If you want, you can say the doctors and the judges are wrong and you know best. But you'll only make yourself look like a thick twat, and a sexist one at that.

Oxford, it is so NOT true that this always happens! I agree with PP who said it's probably that the Guardian's affirmative coverage of MN has drawn new members (who didn't look before they jumped in.)

What a shame this debate about sexual preferences is being discussed on this thread

This woman has been repeatedly abused by a man she thought she could trust.

Sexual preferences, positions, etc. have absolutely nothing do to with this.

SHE IS BEING ABUSED PEOPLE.

Have a little consideration and empathy.

"Like I said, I've dumped for this very offence." Ironic choice of words;)

HQ should lock this thread now. It's been invaded by idiots.

I agree, AF, have you reported?

I've reported one poster, but not the thread as a whole.

I was going to suggest that too. Can they do that?

Op said she was leaving it ages ago, and it's descended into a fertile breeding ground for the fuckwits

It's ok, hq, you may use my phraseology for the lockdown message if you wish

Yep, reported, every body else who agrees should do the same x

OK, well, if all those in favour report, it should come to their attention pretty quick.

ooh, apologies oxford* English is not my first language. Guess I should've googled the right word: non-consensual. What is this , Mastermind?

AF, name calling, how intelligent of you!

I guess this isn't such an open forum after all.

Reported

I was with my ex for four years. At the beginning he was wonderful,every woman's dream man. He helped me see my faults and correct them. My flaws were highlighted so I could hide them,he nurtured me to be a proper housewife. But I was impulsive and excitable,not what he wanted in a wife so he helped me control that,showed me the people in my life that encouraged it and I took his advise not to see them. He was my first experienced sexual partner,he showed me how to do what he liked,made me practice til I was good enough,even when I was tired,when I was I'll,when I was heavily pregnant he showed me that his sexual pleasure and happiness was important. And I wanted to keep him happy,if I didn't I would have to live with his disapproval. When our baby was born I wasn't a good mother,he told me how to do it better. I found ways to get him to help,by giving him a blowjob the day I came out of hospital. I did this all willingly because I loved him. I wasn't being beaten or held down and raped.
Except I didn't realise that I was being abused sexually,emotionally because it built up bit by bit over the years. He had controlled and made me dependant on him so slowly and deliberately that I didn't even realise. It took me a long time to realise after he left what exactly he had done. Years later I still have moments of clarity about things he did. When you are in the middle of the fog you can't see what is happening.

Oh love

So sorry to hear that FRMD - but glad to hear you're out of it now.

And it's experiences like yours which make me despair of posters who think it is appropriate to troll/ use this as an excuse to jump up and down shouting "look at how cool I am about sex"/ simply make bloody stupid flippant remarks.

I am so sorry you experienced that, FRMD

Anyone who puts a finger or any other part of their anatomy in my bum deserves to be shat on.

Chocolate starfish.

I had a SO (now ex) who wanted anal. it was worse cos years before I'd done it with another SO (who went on to be my fiance but then we split).

I told the other SO and he kept pestering me for anal. annoyingly so. he eventually rimmed me when we were away for a weekend in Copenhagen. I hated that too. No we didn't last.