I feel like such a... perv!

[GoldieMumbles]

I've just ordered myself a

chastity belt

DH often goes away for work for a couple of days at a time - sometimes more - and I really get turned on by the idea of being strapped in... so I've ordered a chastity belt and next time he's away I'm going to ask him to lock me into it... So I feel like such a perv. But I suppose I am... aren't I?

And he doesn't know about it yet, either. Yikes!

You don't poo. You have to hold it in. It adds to the excitement

That's why a neo is a better buy ....

why did i google sootikins???

And then when your dp returns home, he removes the belt and you do him a little poo on the carpet. Its a proper turn on.

WHY HAVE YOU MADE ME GOOGLE 'SOOTIKIN', YOU FUCKING MONSTERS?!?!?!

Sootikin and sweep anyone?

Whole new perspective on children's tv.

< snort >

Hasn't sootikin been on QI before?

I'm not googling, what is it? Please don't make me!

'What is a Sootikin you ask.... A small, mouse-shaped deposit formed in the vaginal cleft, usually of poorer women who did not wear undergarments - common until the nineteenth century. A sootikin built up over several weeks, even months, of not washing. It was composed of particles of soot, dirt, sweat, smegma (qv) and vaginal and menstrual discharge. When it reached a certain size and weight, it tended to work loose and drop from under the woman's skirt.'

akiss not sure whether to thank you or not though was just about to google and expect that would have been worse! Surely this is a myth?

Tell you what, greeneyed, I will be ever so kind and test it for you. My washing strike begins now

According to QI it's not a myth.

angelina do you have a real fire? Wondering if soot is a vital ingredients!

It's hardly the first time people have shared their non-mainstream sexual preferences on MN. It's not that unreasonable for someone to want to discuss chastity belts on here as it's predominantly female, rather than on other sites where there are simply too many desperate men who will start jizzing all over the thread rather than contributing to the discussion.

sgb...you don't think there are men who jizz over threads on MN ?

the place is crawling with them

I don't believe in sootikins, sounds like nonsense.

Wow though, I wonder if they'll have little pigeon magpie crossbreed chicks. Pigpies!!

Greeneyed, I don't! Didnt think of that :( maybe I can build a bonfire and dance around it and gather soot that way?

They better not be jizzing over my poor pigeon fucked magpie.

Sootikin... bleeeurgh... worse than gleet

Oh good grief.

AF: By jizzing over I meant posting repeatedly to invite the OP to come and lock them in a chastity belt or whatever. Men reading MN threads while flogging their foaming cocks is no big deal.

I think it may not be a "big deal" (there are foaming cocks wherever you go on t'internet) but the remit of a parenting website ??

No

Not really

Pigpies

Reeling! Not seen your name for a while.

Apart from the sheer mingingness of it - why is it necessary?

Without it would the OP be having sex with every bloke she meets while her DH is away for a couple of days?

I did laugh at 'Looks like something Robocop would wear'