How long before you feel comfortable talking about 'anal' and such?

[BurntPasta]

Been together about 3 and a half months. Known each other since April.
Started sleeping together two weeks into it. We have grown very close and done loads together other than sex obviously, we go out a lot and spend loads of time together. Especially lately as he's been sleeping at my house half the week.
Anyway - we've not broached the subject of anal but on a number of occasions, especially these past few weeks his hands have wandered around there but he's stopped short, once he was really drunk and went a little further than usual but I stopped him.

We've talked about loads of stuff, real personal stuff but we both seem too shy to actually bring this up!! Is that normal for just 3 months in?

Never. Would be the answer for me.

I agree. It's a portrait of an abusive relationship and an invitation to men to abuse women. Worse than porn if anything.

I don't even like porn, have hardly seen any: is it too unrealistic to expect that my DSs don't when they are teens? Porn grosses me out, apart from the obvious moral objections to the production methods and "talent selection".

I have "potted the brown" with DH many years ago, but from now on: "my ass is just for shittin'".

I hate to think of either of my offspring growing up and asking for anal as if it was their right.

I think if its something you want to do then go for it. If your not sure go steady, you might enjoy it. If you feel no way ever, then don't.

I disagree that its because of porn some people like anal. Society has been takin it up the wrong un for thousands of years, apparentely, and is favoured by Greek Men and Women, apparentely.

I don't think anyone should be pressurised or even feel pressurised into doing anything they aren't comfortable with.

Yes it's been happening for years but it's the approach to it that bothers me. It used to be an unusual, out of season, hard to find addition to the menu now it's as common as egg and chips and blokes expect you to realise that. They don't ask, they just try to take.

Bromdad, interesting and depressing post that confirms a lot of what I've come to realise. You are absolutely right that 11 year olds would not have known any of this stuff - this degrading, misogynistic stuff - before the internet.

Internet porn has a lot to answer for. There was a debate on Women's Hour last week about whether children need to be taught that it's not realistic. A bit like closing the stable door after the horse has bolted if you ask me.

Yep, far too much has been let out of Pandora's Box, IMO

I hope there is a total kickback against it all, and that I get to see it in my lifetime

How depressing.

Me too HappyHalloween

Bromdad please will you go onto the next porn thread where the pro-porn brigade are trying to say there is no harm in it and it's all a bit pf consensual fun and post what you have posted here ?

please ?

My dcs didn't know about it at 11 nor will my dd. How on earth would they know its on the internet. Surely they are monitored at school and parents monitor at home.
Thankfully I haven't heard of any men just trying to take, this is clearly wrong.
What 2 consenting adults do is up to them as long as they aren't hurting anybody else.
As for porn, don't watch it if you don't like it.

Honestly, young women today are expected to provide as standard sexual services that even some prostitutes would probably have balked at last century. It's bloody depressing. Not every woman is open to all this at all. I had all sorts of hang-ups about sex even in the 80's when I was in my 20's. God only knows how I'd fare now. So much pressure. It's really horrible. I would feel like a bloody hooker if I had to do half the stuff many men seemingly expect as a normal part of a sexual relationship these days. If I'm ever single again I'm becoming a bloody nun.

morethan I don't watch it but many men do. And its considered normal to do so, so normal in fact that the men who watch it look at it etc expect you to perform like that. It's just not as simple as don't watch it, it's everywhere and freely available for any child who wants to search for it, and they will because that's what kids do, especially teenage boys, they're curious.

Those are the images they are bombarded with just as they are beginning to learn how to relate to women. When I was a kid you saw the top shelf and page three, and we were curious. Now there is any number of free sites and anyone can access them at whatever age. I find it really frightening. Did you read the post about Year 11 children and the question their teacher has been asked this week alone? I find that horrendous and to say don't watch it as advice on how to deal with porn is simplistic in the extreme.

When I go out I meet men, you exchange numbers within five or six messages they are sending messages asking you about sexual preferences, if you don't respond in kind they simply stop texting because obviously you are boring. I am told this is how it's done now. Why do they think this is ok? Why do they think this is how to build a relationship with a woman. Personally I believe porn is responsible. I cannot escape it by just not watching it sadly.

morethan...better keep your dc's away from school then

or at least helicopter them in and out just for lessons

no breaks, no walking home with friends etc

most porn is shared between children of that age on smartphones

your kids may not have them, or access porn on them, but you can bet your last penny their friends do

the advent of the "cock shot" after just a few messages is all about porn

it's not even about good sex, it's about a male asserting his "right" to force his sexual presence on you, whether you want it or not

the problem with porn is, all the women are (literally) gagging for it which is so beyond realistic it's actually laughable but teenage boys and girls don't have the life experience to realise that

How long before you feel comfortable talking about 'anal' and such?

Ooohh.... about 7-8 inches.

Boom boom.

Agree with everyone on here who says that anal is now considered part of a standard sexual repertoire because of porn.

Ditto the post about 'cock shots'.

I've got two daughters nudging puberty and it horrifies me to think of the brutal sexual universe that awaits them in a few years.

Anyone who defends this as simply being 'progress' and tastes changing is totally naive.

Sexual abuse continues. We've made no progress and there is nothing new under the sun, it just takes different forms.

In the 70s vulnerable young women were molested by people like Jimmy Savile while a blind eye looked on. Now they have nude pics taken on mobile phones by porn-exposed, immature teenage boys and get traumatised when they are posted all over the internet, or messaged around school.

All so depressing.

I have spoken to my dss about porn, they have/had a healthy curiosity about it the same as any young person. They were not 11 though. I think its the responsibility of the parents and school to monitor the use of the internet and my dss were probably ones talking about it on their phones. They are both 17 and 21 now and I am proud of the fact they respect their girlfriends. Its only unhealthy if you make a big fuss ime.
If you are that worried and they are younger dcs don't buy them phones.
It isn't the fault of porn that its easily available, its the lack of regulation.

to answer your OP..

about half an hour

I never heard of a cock shot, you learn something new everyday.
I have definitely heard of the cum shot, lol.

ok some of you might not like it, but actually some of us do like it. It does not hurt if you do it right, and is bloody enjoyable. I actually have the most intense orgasams when having anal.

Not sure what kind of men you are assiciating with for anal to 'be expected' , none of my partners have ever expected it. in fact i have to ask my DH to 'do the anal' with me, because he is not fussed by it and i LOVE IT!

I'd love to know if there are any late teens/early 20 something women who have never been pestered for anal sex.

Me! 22 and never been pestered for it First longish term boyfriend had an ex who had been rather obsessed with anal and he was very happy to never have to go there with me. And the next was a bit scared by it, which surprised me as he'd been round the block quite a bit by the time i got him and was into everything else. Everyone in between was a bit short-lived to go down that route.

Never really interested me but each to their own.

OP I'd say if you feel uncomfortable bringing it up in conversation then you aren't going to feel comfortable doing it.

i am 24!

Mintyy akaemmafrost MamaMary
Dear $DEITY, I can't believe all this it's the internet crap.

When I was being an active young man, 35 odd years ago well before the internet, I tried it a couple of times. Both times at the behest of girlfriends, one who liked it, one who wanted to try it. After the second time, I realised I didn't like it. So I don't do it... Happy enough to do most other stuff partners want, including letting one try to do a prostate massage - which I didn't like either. Felt more like a sigmoidoscopy.

People have always done anal, and probably always will.
Talk about it by all means, but don't do it if you don't want to.

Research published today from California shows that young teens who own smartphones are twice as likely to have sexual experiences and that these sexual encounters are planned online.

You cannot say that the internet has little no effect on sexual behaviour - it's had a huge effect.

I'd also direct you to this:

www.tes.co.uk/article.aspx?storycode=6294001