How long before you feel comfortable talking about 'anal' and such?

[BurntPasta]

Been together about 3 and a half months. Known each other since April.
Started sleeping together two weeks into it. We have grown very close and done loads together other than sex obviously, we go out a lot and spend loads of time together. Especially lately as he's been sleeping at my house half the week.
Anyway - we've not broached the subject of anal but on a number of occasions, especially these past few weeks his hands have wandered around there but he's stopped short, once he was really drunk and went a little further than usual but I stopped him.

We've talked about loads of stuff, real personal stuff but we both seem too shy to actually bring this up!! Is that normal for just 3 months in?

Well don't do it the. Why ask us? He may be used to it with other partners in tbe past as just normal sex. Just say no not until I am ready.

What the actual fuck?

My arseholes enjoyment is nowt to do with porn.

It feels naughty, young and prohibited to me, so it turns me on sometimes when Im pissed

Literally fuck all to do with porn, so if you want to get arsey about it, Im ready for a fight [hangry]

I see you are keen to talk about the details of your "sex life" in your first ever thread on Mumsnet op so will leave you to it.

I have never tried it and dont want to and as far as I know dh has no interest either (thank goodness). Previous partners never expressed a desire for anal either (am 38 and been with dh since the age of 19)

calm down monkey. goodness me!

I only put one angry face, you put loads.

So fuck off. I win.

[hgrin]

Oh for fucking fuck god sake, it wasnt you, making me look like a twat.

You win.

--failn-

monkeyfacegrace I am back "out there" after 10 years of marriage and it is expected now, it's almost vanilla and you are boring if you don't acquiesce to it. They don't even ask! Just start going for it! Since when is THAT good sexual etiquette?

You enjoy it? That's great. But I don't and I don't wish for it to be automatically assumed that all women are in to it as seems to be the case. It's not just me, my friend say this happens with them too just in case anyone thinks I am shagging vast swathes of men who expect the arse.

FAIL

FFS.

But why do you assume it has ANYTHING to do with porn?!

And, btw, I hate anal, unless Im pissed.

Its nothing to do with porn. Its because people men have realised its nice, and the word has spread. Its evolved due to numerous things, including porn, but not BECAUSE of it.

Tbh, 10 yrs ago, mobile phones were new technology.

Life just evolves Im afraid.

Oh really for heaven's sake, how on earth is it possible for you to be so naieve?

If you like it, do it. If you don't, don't. But don't think that everyone does it, and don't believe him if he says that.

Vanilla is delicious.

And of course it's to do with porn.

Because Im pissed so my arguements are bound to be flawed young.

[hgrin]

I disagree that it has nothing to do with porn. There are probably more contributing factors but I think easily accessible hard core porn to people of ALL ages is a major factor. It has normalised the kind of violent sex that is often used in porn. If you are seeing that kind of thing at a young and impressionable age it becomes your normal. It's like anything else surely, exposure to certain behaviours and views are what sets your own ideas of how things are.

Porn many not be a factor for YOU in how you conduct your sex life but I believe it is for many others.

It is soul destroying that young women have bought into the pornographic sensibility so completely.

Yes it is Seeker. I'd love to talk about it with dd some day but there will be an awful lot of awkwardness and embarrassment to get over before she'll ever allow that to happen. If at all.

what's the big rush, exactly ?

surely anal and the like is something you do within a committed, respectful and trusted relationship ?

I wouldn't call a boyfriend of 3 months anywhere near that, tbh

are either of you sleeping with anyone else...have you even had that conversation ?

I wouldn't let a cock anywhere near my arse until I knew the other person inside out < ahem >

I'd love to know if there are any late teens/early 20 something women who have never been pestered for anal sex.

When I was a young woman a million years ago, we were fighting for the right to say what we wanted sexually. We actually achieved something- the right to say "no" became almost accepted. Then there was a generation where women more or less felt they could say what they wanted.

And now, the pornographic sensibility has taken over, and once again, young women are pressured into sexual behaviour they don't like because "everyone's doing it". And everyone isn't- porn tells them everyone is. Jesus wept.

I teach science in a secondary comprehensive boys school. I am just teaching Y7 (so 11 year olds) the topic on reproduction. I like to offer the kids the chance to ask me anyting (although I don't always give an answer).

So far this week I have been asked what double penetration is, if threesomes are dangerous, what happens if a woman swallows semen and also why do men sometimes line up and a woman goes down the line.

I also asked the class what the most popular method of contraception is - the answer I got; the morning after pill - its a sad state of affairs.

Before internet porn kids knew nothing about this sort of thing.

Porn availability and normality has changed sexual expectations and behaviour without a doubt. 50 shades alone has too.You just had to see the marketing team from Ann Summers talking about demand for and sales of stuff like nipple clamps and benwa balls to understand that.

50 shades just makes me want to shoot myself. On what planet do is that modelling a healthy sexual relationship?

I'm not saying it is...just that expectations can change influenced by things like porn, books etc. I agree 50shades makes my blood boil too but I couldn't claim it is not popular or potentially influential.

Re the OP I'd say do what you enjoy when you feel you want to. Just cos there are changing perceptions of what is 'normal' doesn't mean you have to agree to anything you don't want to. And unprotected anal sex especially risky for infections etc I believe. Your partner if he is decent will respect what you want to do and not put you under pressure.

50 Shades is an absolute nadir in women's freedom, despite marketing itself as women's "choice"

as is porn