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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH told me he is leaving me for new GF

197 replies

potatocakes · 21/10/2012 01:28

My husband told me earlier that he is leaving me for his new GF, who he met a few weeks ago at work. He told me they chatted briefly and she decided to fly down from Scotland to have sex with him. He lied and told me he was going to a work event. He told me two weeks ago that he had made a mistake and that we could work on stuff together, but since then he has found out she is pregnant and has decided to go with her. I am also 18weeks pregnant and we have two ds and we have been very happily married for 3years, together for 6.
i didn't know what to do for the best, so he is currently downstairs talking to his GF on google chat... I just can't stop my heart from pounding, i have to be up in 5 hours with the kids :( how do i act normal about it around them? This is such a shock i don't even know what to do :(

OP posts:
Aspiemum2 · 21/10/2012 01:31

Oh god, that's so awful for you. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I really wish there was something I could say to help.

Can you call a friend or relative to support you?

I really do feel for you and I'm so so sorry that you're going through this Sad

Original poster
potatocakes · 21/10/2012 01:35

Thank you for replying :) i'm not very good at relying on people, so i always try to make out everything is okay when its not... My mum came over but i told her i'd be okay and sent her home. I just don't know what i'm going to do without him :( he's been my best friend for 6 years, and now even though its stupid i want him to comfort me when i know he can't.

OP posts:
aleene · 21/10/2012 01:36

How awful Sad You must look after yourself, Aspie is right, get support from your family or friends. Try to be as strong as you can for your baby and your boys. I'm so sorry. He is being so disrespectful to you Sad

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 21/10/2012 01:41

Oh my love, that's awful :(

Why the hell is he downstairs talking to her??? He owes you a lot more than that. You should be talking.

Original poster
potatocakes · 21/10/2012 01:44

ChippingInLovesAutumn he says he can't bear not to talk to her, as he feels so much for her. I have told him to leave if he can't respect me, but i feel we need to tell the boys something together tomorrow... So he is waiting til then to leave.

OP posts:
rhondajean · 21/10/2012 01:44

I'm just going to bed, but what a shock for you, and sorry but what a complete twat he is being at the moment.

Can ou try to get w couple of hours sleep, we will be here tomorrow, and trust me when I say you are a strong woman and you and your children will get past this,

But for now, sleep is Thr best thing you can try to do, if you can manage some.

stuffitunderthebed · 21/10/2012 01:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foxtrottango · 21/10/2012 01:55

You are going to need to ask people for help. No-one will think less of you for doing so and you will end up driving yourself mad if you try do this alone. I cant even imagine how horrible this is for you and how you must be feeling. You must take care of yourself though. I dont have any really useful advice but i just wanted you to know someone was out there listening. Ill probably be up all night as well so youre not alone if you want to keep posting.

Do try and get some sleep though. You can get through this, it wont seem like that at the mo though but there is support out there, on here and in RL if you ask for it. Hes done a truly dreadful thing compounded by the way he is going about it. You deserve better Thanks

NatashaBee · 21/10/2012 01:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chinley · 21/10/2012 01:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StuntGirl · 21/10/2012 02:02

What a twat. He's chatting merrily away to her downstairs while his wife is in bed upstairs? Grade A prick. You are well shot of him my love. Use this time to gather the support you will need - family, friends, doctor, midwife, etc. Go and see a solicitor and get a free half an hour advice session from them so you know where you stand legally. You will get through this, I promise.

Aspiemum2 · 21/10/2012 02:04

I agree that it's an utterly dickish thing to do. He is tearing your family apart and doesn't have the decency to not contact this woman for one sodding night??

Do you know what, it sounds a bit obsessive. From what you say they don't really know each other very well and it's moved awfully fast. I could be wrong but I don't see it lasting, relationships founded this way rarely do.

That's irrelevant to you though, the heartbreak is very real.

With regards to breaking the news I would stick with something quite neutral and fairly brief. Don't apportion blame and don't say too much. They will ask questions if they want to but maybe not straight away. It's ok for them to see you cry, they need to know its ok to be upset but they also need to know that everything will be ok.

You will be ok, I know it doesn't feel like it one little bit and probably sounds very flippant but you really will. And do reach out for support, it may not be in your nature but trust me you will be glad you did

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 21/10/2012 02:12

He can't bear not to talk to her Jesus christ on a bike. He's just told you he's leaving you (pregnant) and your children and he can't bear not to talk to her. Fucking hell - how old is he? 12? What an utter utter prick Angry

I am so very sorry, not only that your marriage is ending, it's ending for some girl he's only just met - but most off all because he's showing you no respect and no love. Utter utter bastard :(

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 21/10/2012 02:14

How old are your boys?

achillea · 21/10/2012 02:15

I agree with Aspie, there is something very not right about this, apart from the obvious bit. It's too quick, he's only known her for a few weeks yet she's already pregnant!

Go downstairs, tell him to call her, put her on speaker phone and ask a few questions. Call it a family meeting. Or an interrogation. You have a right to know what the heck's going on here. If not kick him out right now. Boot up arse. He can come back in the morning and talk to the boys. You need to talk to him now, and her.

achillea · 21/10/2012 02:19

One of the reasons you both need to talk is that you need to know what to tell the kids. No point of you both sitting them down and him coming up with new revelations. I don't understand this and I'm an adult - God knows how your kids will understand. Something tells me he's really going to regret this.

Lovingfreedom · 21/10/2012 02:26

I would say let him go. No point in talking to OW. What will that achieve? Very unlikely you'll get any proper answers or anything enlightening.

Your dignity and self respect will suffer if you get into a slagging match with her and absolutely do not let your husband think you two ate fighting over him.

Let him go to be with OW. It will be a disaster and he will crawl back to you. But you will have moved on by then and be concentrating your love and time on yourself and your DCs.

The best revenge on OW is to let her have him.

See a solicitor as others have advised and confide in friends &family who will be pleased to have a chance to help you through difficulties.

Good luck and sorry to hear about your situation.

ledkr · 21/10/2012 02:59

He sounds very cruel and quite irrational and how dare he be so frank and flippant about it. I'm so angry for you and ds's.
Try to rest for a while if you can.
Whatever happens you will be ok eventually. You have your health and your children and all of us some who have been where you are now and are still living grey lives. Lots of strength to you.

Hyperballad · 21/10/2012 03:00

What a bastard, he is a fucking bastard. You poor thing. Yep get your mum back, and get him out ASAP.

I have a feeling he will regret all this at some point but by then you'll be well on your way without him.

I feel so angry for you.

ledkr · 21/10/2012 03:00

Great lives I meant

Arthurfowlersallotment · 21/10/2012 05:50

OP it sounds like they deserve each other.

I'm so sorry. What an arsehole.

GiserableMitt · 21/10/2012 05:55

Your poor thing Sad

Is he claiming the baby is his? Hmm

IF... she is pg I would wonder if she already was before she started seeing your DH and is clinging onto your DH to try and bag herself a father for her baby.
If he thinks he could possibly be the father he's obviously had unprotected sex with her so there's something to think about for your own safety

He's a shit, take him to the cleaners.

Natnat29 · 21/10/2012 06:02

Be strong OP. what a cruel bastard he is to do this to you and your DCs, I'm so mad for you right now. Agree with poster about asking your mum back round do this first thing you need support there with you. I really hope you and your kids are okay, take care OP x

wonderfultykes · 21/10/2012 06:16

I am so so sorry for you, what despicable behaviour. Take strength in your DCs and know that you can come through this. Right now, whats important is your bond with them and with bump. Good luck with the talk today.

cupcake78 · 21/10/2012 06:27

Something isn't quite right with thisHmm.

She came down from Scotland to have sex with him and is now pregnant. He choses her who he says he hardly knows over his pregnant wife and children. Now hes chatting away merrily to her?! Sorry but he's an idiot!

He's taking the piss, how selfish can he get! Tell the children together ASAP and kick him out. You may not see this now but he's simply not worth it, your better off free of him.