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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH told me he is leaving me for new GF

197 replies

potatocakes · 21/10/2012 01:28

My husband told me earlier that he is leaving me for his new GF, who he met a few weeks ago at work. He told me they chatted briefly and she decided to fly down from Scotland to have sex with him. He lied and told me he was going to a work event. He told me two weeks ago that he had made a mistake and that we could work on stuff together, but since then he has found out she is pregnant and has decided to go with her. I am also 18weeks pregnant and we have two ds and we have been very happily married for 3years, together for 6.
i didn't know what to do for the best, so he is currently downstairs talking to his GF on google chat... I just can't stop my heart from pounding, i have to be up in 5 hours with the kids :( how do i act normal about it around them? This is such a shock i don't even know what to do :(

OP posts:
NotMostPeople · 21/10/2012 22:22

Oh my love give yourself some time but I promise you it will get better.

RabidCarrot · 21/10/2012 22:22

I know you wont think so now but you are well rid of a man who chose some dirty skank over his pregnant wife and children,

I would put money on if she is pregnant it is not his, most likely she was looking for some fool to play daddy to her bastard and found it in your husband.
When he comes crawling back to you kick him in the teeth and tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck then keep on going

Original poster
potatocakes · 21/10/2012 22:25

She was aware at all times that he had two boys and a pregnant wife, H said she 'felt bad' about the situation, but couldn't be without him. She has left her own H to be with my H. I think i am going to try and get some sleep, i am hoping i will feel less numb in the morning.

OP posts:
showtunesgirl · 21/10/2012 22:29

Shit, she was married as well?!

So the chances are extremely high that the baby is HER husband's and not yours?

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 21/10/2012 22:31

They are vile op.

They deserve each other.

Hugs to you and your dc.

Bogeyface · 21/10/2012 22:35

And how does Casanova know for sure that it is his baby?

Maybe she left her husband, then found out she was pg and as her DH wouldnt have her back decided to pin it on your STBX. Thats where my money is.

Bogeyface · 21/10/2012 22:36

I would be buying him a DIY DNA kit for Xmas Hmm

ATourchOfInsanity · 21/10/2012 22:37

I can't get my head around the photo. Shows exactly what he was in it for. Does he not realise she won't look like that in a couple of months? Indelible though it is, turn it into rage - use that image to get you angry and get everything organised so the little git can't just escape without a backwards glance. You and your children are his priority, not his loins and he needs to be reminded of that with a swift hard kick in them via solicitors and CSA . We are all rooting for you. Let us know how you are.

ProphetOfDoom · 21/10/2012 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doha · 21/10/2012 22:45

Mmm obviously one or both of them are lying.

They spoke--she flew down for sex after a brief conversation and then she found out she was pregnant !!!!!Hmm

this has been going on longer than you have been told or she is a complete skank who is passing her H's baby off on you.

Either way you are well shot of him.

He doesn't deserve you or your DS's, he is not a good father to them.
Please get some RL support and legal advice.
Just a thought -you may need an STI check, better get yourself checked out love for you and the baby's health.
Please have his bags packed-and all his dirty washing (ie all his clothes) in bin bags for him to collect on riday-there is no need for you to see him, either leave it outside or get someone round to be there when he picks it up.

Opentooffers · 21/10/2012 23:16

From "I made a mistake" one week to "she's pregnant and I can't do without her" 2 weeks later. WTF, I wonder if he'd said "I can't leave my pg wife" so the OW knew exactly what to say or do next to help him change his mind. Getting pg to keep him is unlikely to work in the end and, well, that's if she is at any rate.

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 21/10/2012 23:24

Oh my love - what a bastard. It doesn't matter one little bit what she looks like in her underwear - what the fuck was he thinking showing you that?? Utter utter bastard. I'll bloody fly up to G to join in with the 'welcome'. Wanker.

You definitely need to get yourself checked out (no matter how embarassing it seems!!) - for your sake and your baby's.

I'd take the easy line for now and tell DS that Daddy has to work in Scotland this week. Deal with it one bite at a time. Right now you don't know where he will be living so there isn't much to tell DS just yet and you need to be a bit stronger to do it anyway, I think.

I am steaming angry at the bastard - it's probably just as well I wouldn't recognise him in a line up Angry

Do all of the things others have suggested and get things in order. We know it's bloody hard - but it's essential to get it all done and ASAP.

Just ask if there's anything you need to know or need help with - we're all here for you.
x

bochead · 22/10/2012 00:36

The photo is beneath contempt.

Her legal upcoming wrangles over paternity will take the glamour out of his romance faster than prawns go off if you leave them on the worktop on a summers day. Officially that kid is her husbands unless a legal DNA process proves otherwise lol! Her married status makes it all the more important you detach asap from the upcoming angst filled "Drama Wreck" that your ex has coming over the next year or so.

With 3 kids to care for you won't have the time or emotional energy to pulled into that pile of steaming S&(t!

StuntGirl · 22/10/2012 01:21

Agree you need to get as much done as you can before he returns. Getting checked out for STI's, getting copies of as much paperwork/bills/bank statements/etc as you can and getting a really good solicitor would be my top 3 priorities.

I'd also chuck all his shit in bin bags and take it to his mums, he can pick it up there. The fucking weasel.

Original poster
potatocakes · 22/10/2012 06:56

I feel indescribably sad today, i know he's been an arsehole but i just miss him so much. When will this get better?

OP posts:
AnEerieAirOfHorror · 22/10/2012 07:12

Give it time.

Focus on the things you can do, like seeing a lawyer, stoping any joint back accounts and protecting yourself.

Get his mum to come round to pack his stuff up as ur pg and you dont have to do anything for him now.

AnEerieAirOfHorror · 22/10/2012 07:15

call relate and make an appointment to go talk to a councilor. You will have a rollacoaster of emotions and its good to have a safe outlet.

AnEerieAirOfHorror · 22/10/2012 07:17

And of course you miss him its all so quick and a big shock. Its about playing catch up now and taking back control for yourself.

Big hug

lunar1 · 22/10/2012 07:24

So sorry you are going through this.

nilbyname · 22/10/2012 08:12

It will take a long time to feel better, but getting things done could be a great coping strategy.

Today....
Call a solicitor. I am in Somerset and can recommend a good solicitor. Perhaps if you give your county someone on here can recommend you one near you?

Talk to your MV and tell her what is happening.

It is half term coming up. Do you work? Is your eldest at school?

I am so angry on your behalf. He is just not worth the tears. A smei-nude photo of his knocked up GF? Seriously? Scum. He is scum.

MyDonkeysAZombie · 22/10/2012 10:39

Coming to this late but poor OP, your husband is a nasty piece of work. Glad to hear your mum is staying and that MIL is being supportive. Please look after yourself, get yourself checked for STI and do seek legal advice. That OW deserves all she'll get with him, you are well rid. At this point your eldest need only know Dad's working away, if he sees you cry he will think you are missing Dad. I am so sorry, there are wise people here who will give you advice if you keep posting, it really is a rollercoaster of emotion you are on now.

Haahoostory · 22/10/2012 10:45

Potatocakes, I thought about you and your 5 year old son for most of last night. Your husband is a complete failure as a husband and a father. The fact he has chosen to have a week of sex with some whorebag over being there for his pregnant wife and young sons is, well there are no words for how disgusting he is. You deserve so much better. One day you will be happier, and hopefully with a man that deserves you. It must feel so lonely, but start getting organised like everyone is saying and make sure on fri, when he comes back, he doesn't have the reward of seeing his children. He can pick his things up from his mums and fuck off back to mrs no morals. Oh, and I doubt the sex will continue in q the same way when her baby is a new born, so he ll be looking elsewhere for it in about 8 months anyway. Good luck to them both. You look out for you and your little ones and start planning a bright future free from this selfish Tosser. You will no doubt find strength you never knew you possessed, keep reaching out to friends and relatives in rl. X x

MadameOvary · 22/10/2012 11:11

Sitting here open-mouthed in shock. I thought my ex was bad. I know nothing will be of any comfort to you just now OP but please believe me when I say that you will look back and be very grateful to OW for taking this execrable excuse for a human being off your hands.
What are you missing? A childish, self-centred, immature impulsive knobend. He and OW are perfect for each other.
Gosh I hope no-one alerts airport security that he is a possible threat and causes him to miss his flight and be strip searched.
He is coming back for this clothes? Bag them up, clean and dirty together. He can take the lot . Make sure you don't accidentally bag up any dirty nappies along with them eh?

BloodRedAlienReflux · 22/10/2012 12:46

Oh potatocakes I so so feel for you. Of course you miss him, but remember, he is not the man you married/had babies with, would that man have showed you the photo? ffs I am furious, why be soooo cruel? why? He's already ripped you apart while you are pregnant, and sat on the phone to her in your house. Are you as shocked as me? Or has he always had such a cold callous utterly cuntish side? I also doub this baby of hers is his, hope with all my heart when he gets back the fucking locks are changed and you are as angry as me!!

Fluffycloudland77 · 22/10/2012 12:56

Bloody hell, so he met her, slept with her, is now accepting the baby is his when she is obivously not the faithfull type and is setting up home with her.

Well that seems a recipe for a long successfull partnership doesnt it? at least she wont be sitting at home with babyweight wondering if he really is on a business trip. Oh no wait she will be. Thats precisely what she will be doing.

She probably wont be so hot after the baby. What a twat showing you a photo of a half naked gf. I havent heard of that one before, even on mumsnet.

It all looks rosy to them now when they are looking at cots, it wont be so nice looking at divorce bills. Or maintanance payments.

You really are better off without him.