DH told me he is leaving me for new GF

[potatocakes]

My husband told me earlier that he is leaving me for his new GF, who he met a few weeks ago at work. He told me they chatted briefly and she decided to fly down from Scotland to have sex with him. He lied and told me he was going to a work event. He told me two weeks ago that he had made a mistake and that we could work on stuff together, but since then he has found out she is pregnant and has decided to go with her. I am also 18weeks pregnant and we have two ds and we have been very happily married for 3years, together for 6.
i didn't know what to do for the best, so he is currently downstairs talking to his GF on google chat... I just can't stop my heart from pounding, i have to be up in 5 hours with the kids :( how do i act normal about it around them? This is such a shock i don't even know what to do :(

In so so sorry for you

Please get rid if him from your house ASAP - don't rush to tell the DC because he is in a rush to ditch them! Then get someone like your mum or best friend/s round to help you, sit with you, cry with you, help with the DC - you are going to need lots of support and company but you will cope, you will get through this, this utter feckless arsehole will not break you and although its so hard to see now, you will be happy again I promise!

I'm so angry for you

A massive un MN hug for you and your DC.

Look after yourself and let others around you look after you xxx

Are you sure he has just met her? Is he always this impulsive? His story doesn't add up.

I agree something's not right cupcake and I suspect he's been seeing her a lot longer than a 'few weeks' but he's had to confess now she's pregnant.

OP - if you let us know how old your boys are, we can advise on what to tell them. I hope for your sake he goes first thing and then you can get family and friends round to help you. I know it's a terrible situation but you really will be better off without him.

Thank you all for being so supportive.

Timetoask yes he has always been this impulsive. He jumps into things with both feet, he did with me, and then he throws everything into it. He also compartmentalises everything, so once it is done it is done. I knew something was wrong as he had started to distance himself from me and the boys.

My boys are 5 and 1, its my eldest i am most worried about; he is so sensitive and already knows something is up. I just don't want them to get hurt :(

You need to be clear about what is going to happen next before you speak to your 5 year old. Which will involve speaking to your husband of course.

I would tell him he has to leave today and agree together when, where and how often he will see the boys. Then tell them together in a united fashion.

How is it this morning love? Where is he?

Oh my days, what a total dead beat, terrible role model, unfeeling shit smear of an excuse for a dad/husband.

DO NOT tell your children anything now. You need more information and you are too fragile to face this now.

Take control. Tell him to leave and give you all some space for a week. He can come and put the kids to bed every eve.

Call your mum, tell her what you know. Call her now.

He is an AWFUL PERSON to have done this to you. AWFUL. It is unforgivable. Start thinking about how ANGRY this makes you. Use that anger to take control and tell him to get out.

Oh potatocakes what a complete twat :( seriously, unbelievable behaviour. How are things this morning? Is he still there? This will defo come back to bite him on the arse, but as pp have said, you will be well on your way to a happy new life by then.
Your poor boys, she is welcome to him, any man that can do this to his life partner, and children is not worth shit.
Keep posting, and get some help in, ring your mum!!!

How can this man even contemplate leaving his pregnant wife and 2 young sons? If he goes, then you are better off without such a selfish, callous, deceitful man. I feel so bad for your sons, how could he do this to them? Thinking of you and your boys op. You ll get a lot of amazing advice on here and we ll all help you in our little way. Stay strong. X x

A few weeks ago... Hmmmm I suspect there is a chance the baby is not even his but that is something he's going to have to deal with.

He's a fool. You deserve better. You and your dc will be fine, you can do this, you are strong. You will need help, your pregnant, you must learn to ask for help, from your parents, siblings. I wonder what his parents think of this? What is your relationship like with your in-laws?

As hard as this sounds you have to put how you feel to one side for a short while and concentrate on ensuring he gives you maintenance for your children, including the unborn one, and that you have enough money to house, cloth and feed them. Contact a solicitor as soon as you can.

This is an awful thing that he has done to you all and you need to ensure that he doesn't just cut and run. Keep a record his contacting her from the family home and record everything that has happened including if you can his phone records to her; you may need them.

Sort contact arrangements before he goes, and make sure he is there to gently tell your 5 year old with you that daddy is going elsewhere to live.

You will learn to cope and provided you continue to love and support your children they will be ok. Mine were 4 & 6 when I walked out on my ex after I discovered he had been having an affair for 7 years...I left with just them and didn't think properly about the finances; big mistake My kids are now 20 & 18 and just fine, certainly less screwed up than many from allegedly happily married homes. You will manage because you have to.

Have a virtual hug, be kind to yourself, accept as much help as you are able to, and stay strong for your little ones.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am going through very similar, but it's too raw for me to give you any advice. You will get great support on here and I hope it helps you as it's helped me.
Good days and bad days, take comfort in your children, they will be ok.

Like Arthur asked- what do his parents think if this?
Also does this other woman know all about you DC and that you are expecting - how vile that there are women like this around.
Again OP stay strong he is the weak one he has finally shown you just how weak he is now x

What an absolute shit. Not helpful but, truly, you would be much better off without him and so would your DC.

Get this man out of your life pronto. He's got a screw loose somewhere if he thinks he can go around merrily impregnating women and that he'll always be welcome back in the happy homestead. Not just screwing around but unprotected sex into the bargain? Class act, isn't he?

Pack his bags and let him make his phone-calls from someone else's hallway. You're upset, the DCs are upset and the only one who seems to be swanning about without a care is him. Something's wrong with this picture.

I suspect OWs baby is going to be rather early.

I really hope she doesn't know about your pregnancy and DC, itherwise she's a vile creature and deserves all she gets.

How is this woman 'vile' when the DH is the one out hunting for skirt? No-one 'decides to fly down from Scotland' for sex. Given this man's talent for compartmentalising I wouldn't be at all surprised if the new GF thinks he's single.

Exactly, as I said I hope she doesn't know about the OP and her DC.

What a shit. Well shot of him

Even if the OW is aware of the DW etc., I'm quite sure the DH will have painted it as 'it's over in all but name'.

:( how awful! I'm so sorry.

I agree that he needs to leave and stay gone no matter what happens with this ow. I also think you need to decide definitely what is happening before you tell your children. Maybe the eldest is so sensitive because he knows his dad is "impulsive" unstable, either way a sensitive child rarely copes well with secrets but can be supported to deal well with difficult truths.

Bloody hell,what a shock. I have been through the same when i was 7 months pregnant. If you can, try to read DaydreamDollys thread. She is going through the same and has amazing poise and dignity. Also there is some fantastic advice.
I went off the rails myself,i still cringe thinking of the crazy things i said and did. My OH changed overnight,from a lovely kind church goer to a sadistic evil man who i did not recognize.

She's pregnant? is it his?

So sorry you are going through this. I agree with some of the above posters, it all seems a little odd, but the truth will out, it always does. LouP is going through a similar thing, H has left, she is pregnant, OW is pregnant..... there are some awful men out there it seems.

He needs to go, you need to arrange simple basic contact for your children, you need as little contact with him as possible, dont let him see the kids in the house etc for your own sanity.

You also need legal advice asap, contact Working Tax Credits and tell them that he has left, contact Council Tax to get your single person discount. It all sounds a bit clinical, but it will help you to do positive things. If you rent then find out about housing benefit etc.

You will get through this. Im now six months on from STBXH walking out after an emotional affair with OW. My divorce is due any day now and I am in a much stronger place than I was 6 months ago.

You will get plenty of support on here, but please do contact your best friend, closest family member etc. Go to your doctor if you need to, just make sure that you get plenty of support. If you have a Sure Start Childrens Centre near you, then go to them. They can offer fantastic practical advice and support.

How are you this morning op?

Did you manage to get some rest?

While everyone is right about you needing to kick him out etc, please remember to take care of yourself too, try to eat and sleep, as well.