DH told me he is leaving me for new GF

[potatocakes]

My husband told me earlier that he is leaving me for his new GF, who he met a few weeks ago at work. He told me they chatted briefly and she decided to fly down from Scotland to have sex with him. He lied and told me he was going to a work event. He told me two weeks ago that he had made a mistake and that we could work on stuff together, but since then he has found out she is pregnant and has decided to go with her. I am also 18weeks pregnant and we have two ds and we have been very happily married for 3years, together for 6.
i didn't know what to do for the best, so he is currently downstairs talking to his GF on google chat... I just can't stop my heart from pounding, i have to be up in 5 hours with the kids :( how do i act normal about it around them? This is such a shock i don't even know what to do :(

Potato I am so sorry.
I can't believe he could do that to you and your kids. He is the lowest of the low. What a bastard?

Not that it makes a massive difference to you at the moment, but why does he think the baby is his? Also how is he going to show your children how important to him they are when they will know he fucked off to Scotland to be with his new family?

I am so gutted for you. Well done for being so strong. Your children will be ok.

Potato have you spoken to him about the possibility of the child not being his? I was thinking in yr position I might just leave it for him to figure out, or you may sound a bit warped. Although it is a very valid point, it is something he can pass on to her as a 'bitchy' comment... Maybe one to leave for now?

ATourchOfInsanity i have spoken to him about it before he left, he says he doesn't care, he just wants to be with her and would raise her baby. I said so you'd raise hers but yours won't know you, and he said he has to do what he has to do :(

Mutny he thinks the baby is his because he slept with her four times when she was at her most fertile, she has been trying with her husband for 7 years with no luck, and also because whenever we have tried for a baby we have fallen pregnant within the month. She is also incredibly perfect in his eyes, she told him she has only slept with him and her husband. He actually told me yesterday that she was very special because she had to be to be to replace me...

URGH!
He makes me want to have a shower, how disgusting.

He clearly thinks he has super sperm. I wonder how enchanting that thought will be later on when it all becomes reality.

This must all be good for you to distance yourself though? Horrid though it is. What an absolute arsehole.

hmm, would be interesting to see if the soon to be ExH thinks the baby is his, that could be entertaining if he insists on a DNA test...

Get the ball rolling to be away from him, he doesn't seem to care about you but more importantly he doesn't seem to care about his DCs, that's a cruel selfish man, not worth keeping. I wonder if she realises what she's 'won' - if he can't care for his DCs now he's found something more "exciting" what would make her think her DC would hold him to her if he gets bored again?

You do realise she hasn't replaced you don't you?

You don't just "replace" people ffs.

I'm actually speechless for you.

I do hope you let him know that replacing him actually wouldn't be tht hard a task at all?

OMG!! OP I am so so sorry for you, My jaw is on the floor at your OHs appalling behaviour. Replace you????

He really has lost the plot hasn't he.

I just cannot believe someone could be so arseholeish. His whole attitude and every action he has made since he told you is just bloody awful.

I know it must hurt like hell at the moment but he really does not sound like something worth keeping. In time you will realise this and hopefull all this selfish behaviour of his will make it easier to move on in your life, to much better things.

Oh potato I am so sorry.

Her baby is so 'important' he will abandon his own. Omg. He is a dick of the highest order. And soon when she has a baby and the world doesn't centre around him and his super sperm he will find someone else to 'replace' her.

Tbh the kids and you are better off without someone who believes his family can be replaced. He clearly has nothing inside. No heart.

What a twat. Its not like me, but I am fucking furious on your behalf.

How does he know it's true that she was couldnt concieve with her dh or that shes only slept with him and her dh?

Considering how quick she was to cheat and get her knickers off I dont think thats really very likely.

I was perfect in my Dhs eyes once, I've fallen off my pedestal a few times though.

It's all a bit Mills and Boon for my liking.

"he slept with her four times when she was at her most fertile, she has been trying with her husband for 7 years with no luck"

OMFG!

These crazy mother fuckers planned this!

Abominable arseholes both.

I'm sure when the realities of a new born baby kick in his rosé tinted glasses will shatter.
What a complete arse 6 weeks and he turned his children's lives and yours upside down.
Your amazing that's all you need to know.

Sorry if my typing is all over the place - my jaw keeps getting in the why. I but he is giving himself a pat on the back for his "honesty" but what sort of man behaves so cruelly? Take your time to pick yourself up knowing that his unbelievable
lack of regard and self-knowledge means that you will never look back.

My honest advice is to tell him to go fuck himself. Go to csa to get money and tell him that you and the kids are happy he has found someone just like himself and that you dont want to stand in his way to twat/true love so dont contact you or the kids again ever.

There is nothing this twat can teach you boys how to be a good man or human being. He is selfish and destructive. Thats not someone you want as a role modle to your children.

You really dont need him in your life. You are all better off without him.

Go see a lawyer and get free of him for good. Take the twat to the cleaners.

The grass in never greener on the other side just make sure you have got rid of him before he finds out.

It probably won't make any difference, but please tell this cruel, unfeeling, unthinking pathetic excuse for a 'man' that his behaviour is so appalling and beyond any boundaries of decency, that a bunch of complete strangers hate him on your behalf. Every time he opens his mouth, he comes out with another line that leaves me speechless.

I am so at what he is putting you and your DC through. I really, really hope that this disgusting pair cause each other nothing but pain.

He has acted atrociously. The fact is he clearly is aware, now if he wasn't before, this woman wanted a baby. 7 years is a long time to wait. Whether he wanted to prove himself by giving her one (no pun intended) and didn't think the consequences through is kind of irrelevant as he walked into a trap, certainly on her behalf. He is not only very cruel and thoughtless, but also clearly an idiot. He doesn't seem to mind the disgusting fact he was sharing her with her actual husband. Revolting. But then I suppose we know his morals on the subject of cheating. You must see now how warped he is. I would strongly suggest keeping all conversations strictly about the boys now, he has no more to offer you on any other subject.

I have a horrid feeling he will turn nasty when the CSA explain to him how he will have to continue to support his real family while he is off trying to play mummies and daddies with this harlot. Unless he earns mega bucks, I think perhaps he will see he has bitten off more than he can chew and she will probably wonder why he doesn't come with all of the luxuries he seemed to when they first met.

He took 6 weeks to change one wife and family for anohter one?

I am gob-smacked. He is just beneath contempt. I wonder what will happen when she doesn't meaure up either?

And trying to tell you he had to leave because she's so perfect, should you be pleased he has found someone supposedly more wonderful than you? Is that how he thinks of people ...a little conveyor belt and you take a better one every now and then?

I am lost for words.

You really will be better off without him. If he starts telling you how great his new GF is, ignore him. Or ask if he gives it 6 years before he moves onto the next one?

What, this woman has been trying for 7 and a half years to fall pregnant, and she decides to quickly to fly down, and agrees to unprotected sex knowing full well that she was highly fertile, 4 times, and shock horror, she is pregnant and left her husband for yours...? Bullshit.

She knew what she was doing. I would bet on her being so desperate for a baby, that she did this and then her husband found out and then left her. In what reality does someone shag a bloke who you barely know, unprotected, when they are at their most fertile?

They deserve each other. Neither will trust each other, knowing how they both can't stay faithful and they are just as sleazy and deceitful as each other. Leave the dirty weasels to each other!!

You, my dear, are worth FAR more than the pair of them together. You will one day find someone who will be the complete opposite to the shit for brains bastard, and will be happier than you ever was with him.

Good luck, and take all the above advice. He is going to make it difficult for you, I bet!!

I think FML speaks sense, this sounds more like a woman who was desparate for a baby and would take any man who was proven fertile and wanted her.

That isn't going to work long term, but that's not your problem, if he ends up in a relationship with someone else realising they are far inferior to you, or just being a serial shagger, or she hates him once she's actually living with him, tough. Work on your unit, get your DCs future secure.

See a solicitor, get the ball rolling. He does'nt come back to your home - and it's your home now.

Potatocakes, lovely, have read ths thread and just want to say.....

1. In the days and weeks that follow, further and further contrast your behaviour with his; the more immature, selfish and callous he is, the greater you rise, stepping up the dignity and poise. Youll go through many different stages of shock, anger, grief, acceptance. You will be devastated, bitter, furious, broken but remain proud of yourself. In years to come this will return inumerable benefits to you and your chidren and will give your self esteem a permanent gold plating.

1. The most favourable assessment of his behaviour to date is that he is caught in the throes of a crush and is, put simply, beside himself - evidence "Photogate". At worst he is a callous monster. Possibly somewhere in between the two. Either way, you and your lovely boys and bump are self-evidently going to have a brighter future without him as your husband.

1. One day at a time. As someone upthread observed, all you can do is control what you do and say. Other people must do the same. Try not to expend too much time or energy analysing his of her or other people's actions or reactions.

1. It's a long game. Play it. Draw conclusions at the end. Not now. One day things will be clearer. Wait for that day.

X

OMFG, after Lou's drama I didn't think men could get much worse. Then I read this thread and an all-new low was reached.

Everyone has already said what I'm thinking but just wanted to give you a big hug, OP. What a fucking bastard

Talking of LouP, I love the fact that in a couple of months she has gone from "OMG what happened to my life?" to helping other women through similar trauma. :)

Potato

Lou did it, and so will you. You are in a very dark place now but you will soon have your spring, when you will flower and grow. You will soon realise that this twat and his bit did you a favour. Stay strong :)