Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 6

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

getup no my DS not DH although he makes me coffee.

Cailin think I got lulled into a false sense of security as I had 4/5 weeks of feeling fantastic then back down to earth a few weeks ago

Ahhhhahaha I type like I've got an internet cold.

Tell be to shud up. :o

Olympic ??

Dotty, tbh over the last week or so you came across as very happy/lightened which is quite common to then dip. It's a good sign to look out for so you can ready yourself I lock sharp objects away as best possible.

Sorry, xposted again, I've got fat fingers typing and it's all coming up stupid :o

Have probably had too much coffee as well [cheesy grin]

Cailin, well you're not to bad yourself, glad you like loitering on t'internet with us hoodlums. Seriously, I'm glad we help you as much as you help us, t'is a lifeline for me here too.

dcs wanting a walk on the beach before it rains again, back soon

I am so jealous that you live by the beach getup, I would love that.

T'is very important to me to live by water, used to live by the beach but now by a loch and rivers are good for swimming in too.

Gosh, it moves quickly. I left for the school run and came back to two more pages of posts.
I'm so jealous of living near the beach too, I'd love that.
Sorry to hear you didn't sleep well Cailin and had a rough weekend, but glad to hear you are doing better today.
Hello everyone else!

Thanks for all the reassurances with regards to counselling.
Thanks getup, yes, I think it would be helpful to talk about it a little before counselling. My counsellor is currently on holiday, so won't be seeing him until next Friday, it certainly gives me a lot of time to think!
Does anyone else journal/ use a diary?

I've already told my counsellor why I'm there, but no real specifics. I'm ready to talk, but very afraid to. I'm a little embarrassed and ashamed to say it out loud. There are things they did to me that I need to talk about, but it's hard to just come out and say it.

Well time to make dinner.

Thanks so much for the welcome

a1.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/129/e3ce4c1f025b498eabe6a15399661896/l.jpg but not with the Thor or the fishing line.

The serpent is jormungandr, a Norse myth. He is loki's son and was cast into the sea where he grew so huge that he took over the world and so swallowed his own tail. The myth says when he releases his tail the world will end. Ragnarok will begin and Thor will kill him but die from his poison himself. The whole world will be flooded and when the waters recede will be beautiful and fertile again.

I want it on my left shoulder.

I live near the beach too, important to me to live by the water.

I would love to live near the beach but I doubt it's going to happen any time soon. I used to live near a small lake which was nice.

I'm going to take up running again. I used to do it years ago and it was very good for my mood (as well as my waistline!).

Chip - it is very hard to talk about details. I find it very hard to say things out loud, when I told my friend I wrote it down, that was easier. It might help if you ask the counsellor to turn away or you turn to the side so that you don't have to make eye contact, that can make it easier too.

Offred, I'm very impressed with that tattoo and description, I'm really into myths and legends more so womens roles I have them in jewellery though. Got two special pieces of herbridean silver rings, a tree of life and a twist. Symbolic to me as it means a marriage to life helps with the suicidal stuff

I've spent most of my therapy sessions with my head between my knees and rarely make eye contact. Psych did say I've made a massive improvement since I started. Sorry just waffling now.

long beach walk, dcs all showered, in pj's, have just made a huge fried rice with yesterday's leftover chicken

it is raining so hard outside, love it

i spend most of the session talking more to the therapists lamp to her left hand side, than making eye contact, what is at all about

giving myself a pat on the back for having made it to this part of the day, it is full on raising kids

Cailin, with you on the running, I've got the ad's out of my system so have the energy now. Do you have a river near you? flowing water is mentally better than loch water?

Wary of rivers step-nephew drowned in the tweed 17 years ago

No river nearby unfortunately. Sorry to hear about your step nephew dotty, that's sad.

First thing I need to do is buy trainers!

It's hard to look someone in the eye when you're talking about really personal things getup, it's stressful because you're watching their reaction. It's easier to just talk and not make eye contact.

true Cailin, maybe also not wanting to see their reaction, for fear of saying the wromg things, as let's face it, talking therapies arent full of 'nice' words. It is hurtful bringing up unpleasant memories

akin to barfing, I thought after my first ever session!

I can't look either. I told DH all cuddled up in the dark. I look at the floor when I have had counselling.

The barfing analogy is a good one actually - not pleasant when it's happening but a big relief afterwards :)

Although I can't write things and watch people read them. I text and Facebook and e-mail people. I find it hard to speak to anyone in rl really although people who know me would be amazed because I do a fair amount of public speaking, chairing meetings etc and am very confident but I am do nervous and afraid inside!

I've heard the vomiting analogy before actually dotty, it is quite true. I'm not feeling better yet though. Hope to soon. Talked about it with my counsellor friend on saturday night. Seem to have suffered a setback after going to my parents' yesterday.

How so Offred?