Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 6

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

You feel like you're crazy?

yes for even thinking like this not normal is it

It's normal for someone who is depressed and suicidal. It's a symptom of an illness, the same way wheezing is a symptom of asthma. It's nothing to be ashamed of and you're not crazy you're just unwell. Can you see that?

How are you doing dotty?

Hello, I posted a few threads posts ago, but been a bit nervous to post since. I've been lurking, I hope that's not too weird.
You are such strong ladies, I'm so sorry for what you've been through.
Because of this thread, I've started counselling. I've had two sessions so far.
Is it ok to tell a counsellor everything in detail? I suddenly find myself desperate to talk about my past, is that weird? I feel like I need to tell him everything.. though it will be a hard, long and slow process. I just wonder if that's wrong, or if he'll think me weird wanting to discuss the details.
He told me I was safe and I could talk about whatever I wanted without judgement, but while I want to, I'm reluctant.

Thanks for reading. I hope now i took this step, i'll be able to join in and listen and offer support to you all to.

Hi chips. Glad to hear you've started counselling. Your counsellor sounds good - are you happy with him? I think it's perfectly fine to talk in detail about what happened. It's all part of processing it.

Hi Cailin. I am happy with him, he put me at ease right away. I never thought I'd want a male counsellor, but despite my experiences I have some wonderful men in my life, 3 brothers, wonderful dad and husband and my best friend is male. So I guess I picked a male counsellor to help make me feel safe while I talked about these things. Weird perhaps?

Thanks for the reassurance about talking in detail. It's strange to want to, I've avoided even the thought of it for so many years, now it's all on the surface, and I feel ready to let it out.

How are you today?

Hi Chip, your councellor should be fine talking about anything you want to talk about, you are really brave too and I hope you stick around.

Getup, I agree with Cailin about using the time to tackle a specific area, ie tactics to cope.

Dotty, I was where you are now, it is an illness you can manage. I don't have many bad days anymore. I don't know what to say other than please talk to your doctor about it asap. Tell everyone you need more help and I'm here as a friend if you want it or not.

Cailin, good for you have a natter, playgroup days are fab and it's not neglecting to leave ds to it, it's great. :o

Hello everyone. MN not let me in at all today. Yesterday was tough in the end. I have decided I want a tattoo. Have not got any but now seems like the time so it is booked for next week.

Oo Offred, what are you getting?

What's been wrong with mn?

hi chips
do you want to talk to us about some of it today? I do find talking here is actually so much better than my therapy sessions

really good advice, you are so insightful, really you are cailin and olympic, I now see it would help to start tackling specific areas, eg boundaries first

got another book last week from library, read in the car waiting for DS,

www.amazon.co.uk/Depression-An-Emotion-Not-Disease/dp/1856354792/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1340027783&sr=8-1-spell

really full chapters on everything we discuss on here, am just about to start the chapter on PND

it really made sense with me - big section on clarifying those blank feelings and where they may come from.

here:

'an added burden with these anxiety disorders is the constant struggle to find the energy to keep on fighting the fight. For many, this is a secret battle sealed by fear of ridicule and stigma. There is a profound sense of desperation and helplessness when our life feels taken over, and we feel powerless to stop it spinning out of control., with perceived disastrous consequences.

'Trying to live a life in this helpless, hopeless state, preoccupied and hyper-vigilant, mistrustful and paranoid, battling with poor concentration, memory lapses and burnt out resources, renders the simplest of demands a Mt Everest to deal with'

'Unable to help ourselves and disapproved of by others, feeling trapped, demotivated, and weighed down by life, we withdraw into our shell becoming defensive, emotionally unavailable, irritable, impatient with ourselves and others. Misunderstandings flourish, fuelling further alienation.

'The formula of the belief that'nothing I do makes any difference' ushers in the emotional state of depression'

and a custard cream biscuit for you all after getting through that

it helped me just to see it in print

that finally, like being on here with you lot, there is some validation in words of the emotional jungle that is my head atm

and then, in the chapter on PND,

after giving birth, 'unresolved issues about your own parenting and nurturing experience inevitably emerge'

no shit sherlock

Sorry went to pay the bills needs must sort of thing I'll get through it just thought this 'blip' was over again really just hate life at the moment

do you want to make yourself a cup of tea dotty. am trying to do simple things to make me feel better every day. not easy but have to remind myself to just take it easy

if we had broken legs, we'd be taking it easy?

so, meant, for me, a cup of tea and cake is a comfort to me

DS has made me a coffee and he's doing me toasted crumpet with marmalade, can't stomach tea makes me physically sick even the smell.

Getup, I feel like that all the time, I saw at councellor at mind who said it feels like I'm climbing mount everest. I said actually I am and 3 years later I still haven't hit the summit but I'm better equipped.

Dotty, fancy a virtual custard cream and natter? Get up's host today.

dotty - you have a DH that makes you coffee AND toasted crumpet and marmalade?

you are a lucky lucky dotty

good way to look at it olympic, being 'equipped' to deal

Sorry xposted.

Dotty, fancy kickboxing? depression/suicide is internalised anger, so good to get it out. Just tell be to shudup if I'm being annoying :)

sorry dotty, DS, not DH, i really should wake up, please ignore any mistakes from me here

Hi again everyone, was just out in the park with DS for a while, making the most of the sunshine.

Unfortunately when you're coming out of a bad patch it's typical to have a few good days followed by some really bad ones. It can be so demoralising when you feel ok for a while and then you feel you're back to square one. Thing is, over time the good patches get longer and longer, until eventually it's mostly good and only a few bad. I really hope things start looking brighter for you soon dotty. How are you feeling now?

I'm very well today thanks Chip. Didn't have a great weekend, felt very tired, and didn't sleep well last night but the sunshine and the good chat I had a playgroup cheered me up a lot. Chatting here really is my lifeline. I depend on it as much as everyone else does, and you guys are a great support to me, you brighten up my day :)

What prompted the decision about the tatoo Offred? What are you getting?

The book you're reading sounds good getup.