Dating, Loitering and Sofa Surfing, It's All Happening! Dating Thread 16.

[TimeForMeAndDD]

In continuation from previous thread:

Watch do not talk exclusivity until you have assessed the contents of his trouser department after the 5th date. Only after you have assessed the contents of his trouser department the 5th date do you decide whether or not the willy he is worth the commitment.

And yes, of course you go on Friday!! What on earth are you thinking woman! Today you were the BOSS of a coconut shy, a few of his friends will be nothing compared to that!

I've got to go make coffee, I've just watch Paying it Forward and I am in bits! BITS!

Watch your date sounds lovely! Look forward to the update!!

Haunted that's where the problem lies, usually you don't know until you have become quite involved, because abusive guys do know what they are doing, they turn on the charm and hide the bad bits until they feel safe that they have you hooked enough not to leave when they show their true colours. What Actually has experienced, I would say, is quite rare, an abusive man who has laid his soul bare and admitted what he is, in effect giving Actually a chance to stay or run. A woman of low self esteem, or a 'rescuer' may well have stayed, thinking she was different, that she could be the one to change him. It may well be that this man knows exactly what he is and doesn't like himself very much, he may feel he shouldn't actually be dating, as so told Actually in an effort to push her away. My first internet date was a disaster. On paper the guy was lovely, he seemed perfect. When he turned up he looked nothing like his profile pic and after downing a few pints went on to say how he would love to burn down his ex wifes house, with her in it. He couldn't understand why I didn't want to see him again . You just have to have your eyes and ears open and not take anyone at face value until you have really got to know them. And just be strong enough to walk away at the first sign of a red flag.

Sorry, i've just wanged on about DV. :). Sometimes you just cant tell, abusers, including the faithless, those already in relationships etc might be adept at burying their true selves. I think its being wary and looking for the red flags, if something doesnt feel 'right', i probably isnt; dont ignore alarm bells, even if they are faint- self preservation generally kicks in, but you should be cautious & listen very carefully to any concerns you might have. I dont think the internet has a bigger quota of wankers than real life, just that interaction without real life physical keys (shifty eyes!) can make it more difficult to determine the liars.

You don't 'know'. You do have to take what they say on trust to start with but that's why you meet someone in public and let someone know where you're going, possibly get someone to ring you partway through the evening. There are certain things where you have to meet someone and get to know them/their friends/family before you know for sure. Actually got lucky that her example was arrogant enough to let it slip, no doubt believing that he'd done enough/was so special that she'd ignore it or be one of those women who do believe him when he said it wasn't his fault. Unfortunately for him Actually is actually sensible and intelligent enough to realise the truth

This is why OD is full of pitfalls. Sometimes you can get to know before you meet them. Take the respect example, if they start talking about sex/what they'd like to do to you and continue even after you've made it clear you don't like it then you know they're not the respectful type, iirc Time had one of these. You can google/check fb to try and find things out but that doesn't guarantee you will find anything.

In short, most of the time you do have to take things on trust but at the same time take steps to ensure your safety.

Yep, I did Chaotic. He was a teacher and seemed lovely, nice and respectable, ha! He wouldn't take no for an answer when I asked him to stop with the sleazy talk. He was quite open with his name, where he lived where he worked so I was able to google him. I found a Mrs at the same address, teaching at the same school. When I asked him if he had ever been married he said no. I chose to believe the facts in front of me rather than his words.

I think also, in the very beginning, it's a good thing to let them do all the talking, men love to talk about themselves so it's not difficult to ask a few leading questions. Don't give too much away about yourself, be vague, saying just enough to answer the question but don't go into explicit detail. Don't trust what is effectively a stranger, with personal information about yourself.

...bit I don't want to tell anyone in rl I'm online dating....(but k.ow I have to)

And I'm not actually yet cos I am a) too scared to write a profile B) feeling to negative about everything to write a profile and c) don't have anything worth writing in a profile (although maybe b and c are linked...

Budge up time. Just cancelled my encounters subscription 'free at last! Free at last! Thank the lord i'm free at last!'

Wooooo Hooooo!!! Well done Snape! You are cleansed!

Haunted if you want help or tips in writing a profile we can help, or failing that you can join the non daters on the sofa for a while and observe the joys of those that are.

You don't, not really but the same applies to anyone you meet in a bar or a pub, or anywhere, they aren't necessarily being honest. I am on my way to lay an old guilt to rest. Finally. 15 years of needing to do this.

haunted, really its all about the pics, but if you want a hand with a profile, any of us would help. You just need to dip your toe in and you will soon find your feet, and there is this board to ask for help and things. Noone in rl knows im dating either. they did when i first started years ago, but frankly they got bored very quickly, and ive been on ALOT of dates.. and second dates are a rare thing... so, yeah, i just dont mention it any more. But i always meet in public, so its fine.
You also have no idea if these people ar who they say they are. But you wil get to grips with it quite quickly and learn to read the signs. The most important thing is to work out what YOU want first. and go from there. So, if you are after a relationship - ignore the ones talking sex the whole time, or who seem nice, ask you out, and then go on about sex, or are suggestive - they are just after sex. If however, you are after a fun evening, and something casual, then go for it :) It all depends on what YOU want.

As for people being honest, yeah, you have no clue. Same as in rl, you just use the same skills you would use in RL, if something doesnt seem right, then it probably isnt. Big things like only replying in day time, not being about in the evening/ weekends, no profile pic, usually lend themselves to being married.Like time says, dont give too much personnal info away, dont mention your children much.

Yay to snape for cancelling your sub. mines still running till the 15th of this month, but is cancelled to run out after then. It was rubbish, i was talking to one guy on it who seemed ok, but lives a bit away. he paid just to talk to me. ive not replied for over a week... i feel a bit mean..... My pof was hidden a few weeks ago. and ive not logged onto okc since tue i think ( at which point mr lovely hadnt logged on since we met) and i dont want to keep checking to see if hes logged on.....

and time, there wil of course be an update. because this is a groundbreaking, never before happening,( since being out of my marriage) event :)

Well that's me scuppered then...I don't have any decent pics of me cos I'm always the wrong side of the camera...or at very least have the kids in. and anything I take will be too posed...sigh....

Welcome to the sofa Snape

No one knows that I've been dating in rl either, except a close friend of mine, it's just something that you could do if you want. I do have a friend I could tell but I usually take other precautions such as meeting them in a public place and making my own way there.

Tbh I'm more likely to tell you lot that I have a date and, if I felt the need, to give one of you my number so you could text/phone me

Haunted the photo I have of myself which is now just over a year old is one that was taken of me and a couple of friends. I've cropped them out so all you can see is me. I'm no expert on this sort of stuff but cropping is straightforward.

I really do need some more photos of myself, although I hate having them taken as I'm not photogenic and the camera adds an extra unneeded stone

Well that strike out worked really well

me too chaotic - time has been my wing man before :)
i tend to stick to day time coffee dates first anyway, its safer, meet in public and you can make a quick getaway in less than an hour, so there isnt much need for ' get out' texts. the odd evening first date ive had time or someone has helped me out. im always willing to do it for someone else too :)

camera phones are fab,esp instagram or black and white, they make everyone look fab - promise! You just need a face pic really, one good one. and then change it weekly/ every two weeks if you can, so it keeps it fresh and doesnt get looked over. it wont look too posed, dating sites are full of pics like that.

Instagram is fab. My fb profile pic is instagramed and my skin looks amazing without looking obviously photoshopped. :)

yes! it does :)
instagram makes people look fab.
its what it was invented for.

I really could do with a full length one too. So that anyone who does contact me will realise that I'm not some stick thin model. I can't help thinking that me not posting a full length one (or at least from waist up) is a bit like posting a pic from 10 years ago, not quite being honest.

Really have to go shopping now, if I don't there'll be nothing to eat. Mind you on the bright side I'll be that stick thin person

Quick question...what's instagram?

I think Instagram is an app for certain smart phones (my phone is not at all smart so I can't use it!)

Party yesterday was interesting...I got home at 6.30am

Hit post too soon (think I am still a bit drunk...)

Yesterday was great. Ended up snogging friend of my friend whose party it was. He was very much up for a shag, but it being my friends house etc that clearly wasn't going to happen. I suggested he might like to take my number but nothing came of that. Still am not downhearted as he is not at all boyfriend material (every one of my friends came up to me and said hes fine as a one-off but under no cirumstances date him!) he is a serial shagger, regular coke user and not really my type. However he is VERY well endowed so I wouldn't have minded some sex, just not there & then! Oh well. We ended up snogging for about 3 hours and fell asleep sitting in a rocking chair together :) Woke up about 6am and went home...

Sponge, Instagram is on android now, so Everyone should be able to use it?
See, you had fun after all. Hurrah for drunken snogs, even if it doesn't go anywhere...:)

Well still spending a fair amount of time with someone (nothing inappropriate apart from a hug or two today cos I was upset after going to the grave,)

Hello, just found this, may I join?

After eight months of internet dating I am losing the will to live...anyone having any better luck than me? Will catch up and read rest of the thread after I've had some sleep :)